focus

focus

so many times I find myself focused on what I do not want to be focused on

I find myself thinking about what I don't have...
                                 what I think I need..
                             what will help me survive...
                           what the problems are...
                       what the issues are...
                    what would make me happy...
                what I need to protect myself...
             how I have failed...
          how miserable I am or someone is...

Most of the time when I get into thinking like this I find myself feeling, thinking, and acting in ways that I do not want to...

typically, I realize it after doing, saying, thinking something that I regret...

the regret motivates me to not behave that way, think that way, anymore...

but before long I seem to be thinking or feeling or doing it again...


I do not seem to be able to change my focus very well on my own...

the change in focus needs to come from inside me - from a change in the way I view the world and myself and those in it

this is what we do at More than more - we explore ways to see the world differently - to begin to change inside - it is a great time - tons of fun - and I hope that you can join us next Thursday night, the 21st of January from 645-800 pm at McAllister Recreation Center - just off 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette

Thursday

Hello everyone!

Hope your holidays have been full of peace and joy!

We have had quite a time away from Mtm because of the way all the holidays fell this year!

But, we will be back together again this Thursday, the 7th of January from 645-800pm just off 20th and Schuyler in Lafayette, at McAllister recreation center.

It will be good to hang out, laugh and chill together and stretch our minds some past the "always more" of this crazy American life!

Hope to see you there

tomorrow night

Hi everyone


wanted to remind you that More than more will be hanging out at McAllister tomorrow from 645-800 pm - it is always a good time - hope to see you there - just off 20th and Schuyler, Lafayette



keep noticing...

When you're lost

Emily my oldest daughter, and Melissa have this ongoing joke.  Whenever they are lost, or even don’t know where i happen to be taking them, they say, “I think we might be lost traveling buddy (their name for each other).  Oh!  There’s Meijer!  Now i know where we are!"

It goes back to a story from months ago, when they were in Indianapolis together and had somehow taken the wrong turn somewhere and neither had any idea where they were.  Feeling lost, they at least kept going (reminding me of a Winston Churchill quote - "when you’re going thru hell, keep going”) and only a minute or so after saying how they both had no idea where they were, they turned a corner and saw the, now famous, Meijer (that my wife knew because she had driven the 60 miles to Indy to get the first Blue Bell ice cream in our state month before - which says something about her and our family in general…).

I was reminded of this recently.

I have been really tired.  Working hard.  Busy schedules.  Broken lives.  So many hurting people.  

There are times that the weariness of it all gets into my head and starts to remind me of a time when i was overwhelmed more than ever before and ever since.  A time that led me into the darkest days of my life.  Days spent in utter emotional agony, turmoil, lostness.  In that time all i could see was darkness in those days.  Hopelessness was my song.  Despair was my future - or so it seemed.  I was not suicidal, but i certainly would not have cared if i didn’t wake up the next day - if i could sleep at all.  

The weariness i felt just prior to all that darkness was not the cause of the darkness - it was just the culmination of a lifetime lived the wrong way.

But sometimes when i feel really weary, i am reminded of the darkness.  And i start to feel afraid.  Defensive.  Protective.  Without knowing it sometimes i start to retreat inside a little bit - thankfully not as much as i used to - when living with me was like riding the latest and greatest Cedar Point roller coaster - up and down, back and forth - it was crazy.  The retreat takes me into myself and i start to think about me and what i need and who’s going to take care of me - i start to become someone different than who i really am.  

That has happened recently.  Tired.  Grieved inside, but with no time to weep the tears that lurk in my soul.  

It was in this state that i was reading recently.  I was not reading anything profound or philosophical.  I ws resting my mind in the pages of good fiction.  Good fiction by one of my favorite good fiction authors, Jacqueline Winspear.  The book, entitled, “The Care and Management of Lies,” is about World War 1 and 2 English  families that go through it.  There are chapters of vivid descriptions of the war - and how no one would ever be the same after facing those trenches, the death, the barbed wire, the losses.  I sat there reading and i began to feel all the feeling that i had not been able to (really who takes time in the middle of the busy schedule of a family practice office to weep over the loss of a patient, or over the death of divorce, or the maiming of sexual abuse, or the mine field of depression).  The tears flowed and it felt good to be human…to be compassionate.  In those moments, i remembered the war i fight in.  I remembered that i fight on a battlefield where people spend their lives searching for the wrong things - where the damage is not with machine guns, but in courtrooms and where the barbed wire is racking pain across our children who are neglected and abused.  I fight in a war where there is a better way.  Where the hopelessness of my past has led to hope for each day - even the weary ones.  Where there is goodness and laughter and real relationships and people who care.  Where meaning is measured not in what you have, but in who you are and how you love.  

It was a Meijer moment.  

I turned a corner and saw Meijer in the pages of that book.  I felt lost.  But i wasn’t.  God knew where i was.  He knew i was weary.  I did not need to protect myself.  He was driving the car.

So, if you are feeling lost.  If you are are not sure where you are or where you are going.  I know this group of people you should meet.  We get together every other Thursday night (the next is next Thursday, the 29th of October), from 645-800 and we savor some moments of life - we notice some amazingness of life - and we look for ways to journey in a different way.  

We get together at McAllister Recreation Center, just off 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette.

Maybe it’s time for a Meijer moment for you.

Hope to see you there.

What do you believe and why?

Last meeting we started with a great introductory question. What do you believe and why? It sounded like we were driving into a rather deep question that could perhaps open some really lengthy conversations. But silly won. We giggled at the fact that you cannot lick your own elbow and that Ty’s tomorrow will always be a better day. As we went around the room some much needs laughs were shared. But I was stumped- no quirky fun answer. Then the beautiful and profound belief came from the quietest gal. People change. She and I are proof of it. We are the unexpected friendship that grew out of unusual circumstance. We are the awkward conversation of explanation of how ex wife and new wife became a team for one amazing little girl.

  People change.

  It reminded me of a song I have been glued to by Toby Mac. As he describes it:

“The song "Feel It" is really a celebration, a celebration of God’s love for us. People are always asking me, especially today, how do you know God exists Toby? And uh it’s hard to prove, you can’t see him, just like the wind, you can see the wind moving the leaves, you see the effects of the wind, but you can’t see the wind. Those leaves moving, well God does the same thing, he loves us. We can’t see him but he changes our lives, he takes our lives, he takes our brokenness, and he makes us beautiful. That’s what a loving God does. That’s how I know. And no matter what they say. They can’t take that from me.”

People change. I believe it because I have changed. Anything is possible. I believe it because I have experienced the impossible. Life is hard. I believe it because I see the struggles. Depression hurts. I believe it because I battle it daily. Joy is real. I believe it because Deb radiates it. Cancer does NOT always win. I believe it because I'm watching someone defeat it. Forgiveness happens. I believe it because I have given it. Mercy is real. I believe it because I have received it. Grief is survivable. I believe it because I’m here. Laughter is medicine. I believe it because chuckles are far better than any pill I take. Feelings are real but truth is bigger. I believe it because I am constantly reminded of it.

God exists. I believe it because I notice it. I notice it because I get to be part of this amazing group that takes every other Thursday to discover something else amazing about God. And we notice each other. “That’s how I know. And they can’t take that from me.”

Join us Thursday October 15th from 6:45-8:00 as we notice an amazing God and amazing people. We meet at McAllister Recreation Center 2351 N 20th St, Lafayette, IN 47904. Childcare provided too :)


Check this song out!
https://youtu.be/7rHiVj_N4ms

Have you tasted a Jazz apple?

Turns out I, the noticing pusher - the one who is always talking about noticing - who signs many of his emails and letters simply, noticing...

Yes - me - I am not a very successful notice - at least not nearly as good as I would like to be.

I decided to take some time to be in the quiet.  Just to sit.  To get out of the crazy - the noise - the pressure - the heartbreak - the expectations - for a couple days to be in the quiet.  It is not easy.  It feels uncomfortable and I can feel myself being pulled to do something - to text someone to tweet something to do instead of be...but I insistently am pushing back at that and allowing the quiet to sink in a little.

I was eating dinner just now.  Sitting outside.  I had grilled a tri-tip roast and made some veggies, a little salad, and a Jazz apple sliced up (these are Nate's favorite so I picked one up at the store).

At first, I sliced the meat, intentionally quieted my thoughts, and savored the flavor.  Amazing.  All those years that cow lived.  Raised under the tender care of the rancher.  And its life was given for mine.  The bites slowed and my thoughts became calm - calm in the arms of a God who so beautifully planned the cow, the rancher, and me.  God could have made the earth with only one protein source - and it might not have tasted nearly so wonderful as a bacon-wrapped, slow grilled tri-tip - He could have made just enough for us to survive - and we would never have known the difference.  But He is not that kind of God - He is imaginative and loving and generous and wants us to not just be nourished but to be thrilled as we are sustained.  He made a million kinds of meat and protein and ways to get our fill!!

Then I looked around - I saw to my left, sitting in a tree, a little gray bird - gentle and small - light and peaceful - it seemed to be looking at me (or maybe my tri-tip!).  And then as my focus changed a little, 50 yards behind him, in another tree, was another gray bird - maybe his brother??  Up to a branch a beautiful blue feathered bird came, and went.  Amazing color - amazing function - amazing!  Within a few minutes the little gray bird flew off the branch and then came over to another branch, closer to me.  There was no place to land apparently, so he hovered there - wings pushing back the air and holding him in that spot - all grace - all beauty.

I took a Jazz apple - lifted it to my mouth - and bit, purposely trying to experience the fullness of the apple.  It was grown on a tree - cared for by the farmer of the orchard - and then picked and delivered to me (via the grocery store).  A wonderful, crunchy, tart, but sweet explosion in my mouth!!  It was like all the taste buds that weren't being used on the beef were now awake and alert and ready to tell me of the wonders of a God who gives me fiber and nutrition and health (for Em it is even the mainstay of her hydration...) in a million ways - Pears and Apples and Oranges (yes, Marcie, oranges!) and Plums and Apricots and Peaches and on and on and on - He could have just given us a single source - but no, He is way to wonderful and creative and joy-filled than that - He wanted us to have the wonder of all the experience - and I would imagine that when we appreciate it, we thrill Him and He laughs out loud!!!

Here I notice.  I am overcome with the love of a God for me - us - that chooses to so extravagantly lavish goodness on us in the way of food (thanks John for the book by the way!).  And in this moment, I find myself seeing life for what it really is - and I invite God to join me in the moment, as I notice.

Here's the thing...

the flies...

what I didn't tell you is about the flies - seems as soon as I am out there eating, they are buzzing around - apparently wanting their portion??  They buzz and annoy and distract.  Now, I know that some of you "bug bowl" lovers will remind me if I give you a chance that the flies too, are part of God's plan and that they have their part in the big picture of life and love and goodness on this earth.  I agree with you- I was just having a hard time seeing it while I was eating my lunch.  They were distracting me.  As I swooshed and swatted them away, I began to feel as i had better hurry to get the meal eaten - stop looking at the birds, stop experiencing the apple and the tri-tip.  I found myself pushing, racing, to get done so as to avoid the annoyance of the flies.  The meal started to become something that I needed to get done with - rather than a moment to BE in.

Life is a lot like this lunch.  There are birds.  There are apples.  There are tri-tips.  They look like our kids.  They look like our spouses.  They look like our co-workers.  Sometimes they just look like a good meal.  They are beautiful and amazing and wonderful.  They are passionate expressions of God's raging love for us.  He is so creative. He is so big.  He is so good.  He has filled our lives with other people, with a wonder of food, with the feel of a good piece of wood in our hands and the joy of a hot shower - with the joy of a fireplace on a cold evening and the snuggle of a warm blanket when it is snowing.  He blessed us with the warm sun to scoot away the chill in our hearts and the cold ice cube to cool us when we are roasting. 

But...

there are flies...

they buzz around at us and sound like expectations of what we need to buy, they sound like internal screaming matches over what we know is bad for us, and yet we want it anyway way more often than we should.  they sound like bills and budgets and schedules and homework and deadlines and credit cards and bodies that do not look like we think they should.  they sound like TV's and screens that occupy our minds but don't leave us having noticed anything at all.  they sound like the internal desire to get everything right all the time, to control everything all the time, to be in charge all the time, to make everyone happy.  if nothing else, the flies are just the sheer number of things we have to do - from 5am to 11pm every day at home I run - and too many times the pressure to get to the next thing I have to do keeps me from really tasting the apple - from really seeing the bird - from really experiencing the life of the cow and the rancher and the apple - from really wallowing in the joy and wonder of a God who cares so much that He made all this - for us.

So there you have it - I am not nearly as good at noticing as I want to be - but I am determined to keep pushing back the flies and see the wonder expressed to me in the everyday moments of my life.

If you are tired of life as usual - have a sense that there is much more to this life that what we are experiencing - and are looking to get better at noticing, I hope you will consider joining us at More than more.  This is our whole purpose.  To notice. 

We will be hanging out this coming Thursday, October 1st, from 645-800pm at McAllister Recreation center in Lafayette.  As always there will be free and excellent childcare for kids up to middle school age.  Hope to notice you there!

thursday

wanted to remind you all that this Thursday, the 17th of September, we will be hanging out at McAllister from 645-800pm - it is always a great time and we hope to see you there