What i defy part #3

One of my friends called my last post a "rant" and as i think about it, i suppose it was. but I hope you have gained some insight into not just tattoos but where my heart is coming from and going to. I warned you that the 3rd of my reasons for "defy" on my left deltoid in black ink was going to be different than the 1st 2. Truth is, it was totally unexpected. I went into getting the tattoo because i believed strongly in living counter to the culture i live in and intended to defy it. Plus i wanted my arm to be a living testimony to the fact that i will live defying loveless religion and a culture that promises everything and comes through on nothing except for emptiness. Since getting the tattoo, I have had great conversations with people who have tattoos that i would not have had if it were not for the ink on my deltoid. We have talked about religion and God and the waste of our culture. We have bonded over our artists and what their tattoos mean to them. I have had a chance to have conversations with religious people who have generally condemned tattoos as evil about the state of my soul and how good the God who has saved me is and they have had to face a God who loves people desperately who have ink and who dont. And they have to face that what ink is on someone's skin is not indicative of the realness of their walk with God, or their usefulness to Him. It has been fun, challenging, but fun. Now, months afterward, i am sure it was the right thing to do!! So, continuing on with my reasons for defiance... For years i have struggled with pain and defeat and hurt. I have struggled with inadequacy and abandonment and fear. Over many, many years, i have found a great deal of freedom from these things with God. Much of the journey has been through the very "noticing" we talk so much about at More than more. It is a wonderful thing to look back and see that you are now free of the prison that you were previously in. However, from time to time i come across some circumstances in life that bring back the memories of my pain. Sometimes they slap me across the face with inadequacy and beat me down with abandonment and fear...and the hurt rises like tides threatening to swallow me up! During one such time, i was telling my wife of the raging feelings that i had, confessing that i was struggling so much with the pain of my past and she said something i will never forget, "Jason, it's not the same." Sounds simple maybe to you, but to me this was one of the most profound things she could have said. "You are God's man now. You are following Him. He has you," she continued. This awoke in me the realization that she was right. It's not the same. I am free now. I may not FEEL like i am free all the time and the prison may feel like it is coming at me 100 miles per hour, but the freedom is TRUE and REAL and RIGHT and GOOD. This conversation began a renewal of the healing and freedom in my life. But it also gave new meaning to my tattoo! You see, in the moments when i am feeling sucked back into the despair and pain of the past. When the pain and hurt threatens to overwhelm me, i can now look at my left deltoid and see the TRUTH - i defy that prison - it is not me anymore - it never will be again - i am free! It's not the same. I defy the voice of inadequacy. I defy the pit of fear and the threat of abandonment. I defy the replay of the hurt and the dwelling in it. I will live in the freedom of the God of More than more - the God who gives a million things to notice and a million people to notice and the strength and joy and peace and love to do it - for every moment!! So you see, defy has come to mean not just all that i choose to rage against in my life but all that i choose to celebrate in my life!! Defy to me stands for freedom! For purpose. For love. For Trust. For Goodness. For life. For all the things i knew i could be and was but could never get to. Well, there you go, defiance in a whole new light. My take on it anyway. If you are interested in joining with a group of people who embrace this kind of defiance, who are moving toward living life different, better. We would love to have you join us this Thursday night, November 14th, 645-800 pm at McAllister Recreation Center, just off 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette. As always there will be free childcare, which is excellent. We are currently redeveloping our youth times, we will keep you updated on this portion. In the meantime, McAllister has lots of activities and space for kids to hang out safely. Hope to see you there