I often find myself writing about parenting – not because I am an expert by any means but perhaps because it’s what I am closest to. There is no escaping being Mom. Trust me I have tried. Sure every now and then I get a night off and get to be me, but Mom never really leaves. Once a mom always a mom I guess. Don’t get me wrong it is a huge blessing to have kids – well most days. There are “those” days that I think every mom knows about. And honestly I have had way too many of “those” days lately. But thankfully God gives us moments or glimpses of joy to sustain “those” days. Melt me moments like my four year old telling me I am her person. Or my fearless son reaching for me in the dark just needing to know I am still there. Or the look my stepdaughter gives me when she is just as completely annoyed by someone as I am and reminds me I don’t have to be perfect- just real. Which that brings me to what I really want to share. The real me.
Truth is I am not what our society defines as perfect mother. We all know there is this Pinterest standard of mothering that includes all sorts of qualifications – making perfect balanced and pretty lunches, healthy snacks with no processed ingredients, birthday party decorations more elaborate than my wedding, handmade crafts with glitter, homemade laundry detergent, 30 freezer meals in an hour, Blah blah blah. Ya know what- I hate glitter, lunchables are my best friend, and 30 freezer meals in less than an hour would be a bunch of kid cuisines or pizza rolls. But you know what I am saying. We are held to expectations and standards that don’t fit in our reality. As absurd as it sounds I still try to fit my way in this standard. Truth is my kids don’t care if I make our laundry detergent or if their birthday party is elaborate and pin worthy. They want Mom to color in a coloring book or play tic tac toe. They want my time and my focus. They want hugs more than cookie cutter shaped sandwiches. They want Mom to talk to them not at them. They want Mom to be patient not perfect. Sounds simple and easy. Oh but it’s not. When ya have a screaming 4 year old mad because she wants to watch Peppa Pig at the same time your son is desperately trying to intensely educate you on Pokemon and 8 year old pouting because you told her she cannot eat an entire jar of pickles as a snack - BELIEVE me it’s hard to keep calm and not scream. Or maybe you have an ADHD child like I do and is having a major meltdown over something incredibly specific he needs and cannot stop until he has it. And although it is completely unrealistic request you truly wish you had the mystical item and could just give it to him to stop the insanity but you know that’s not the answer. Here is where the real me comes out. Its not what you might guess. Its not the me I used to be. Its not the me that argues back with him about how ridiculous he sounds. Its not the me that grasps for control. Its not the me that tried to make him behave the way a kid should behave. Its not the me that said I expect you to do as you’re told. And not the me that literally had to force him into his room to take a time out. Its not even the me that after it was all said and done cried for hours about how I would never be able to be what this kid needs. Not the broken mess that wanted to fix my broken son. The real me came into the picture just recently. The real me is not me alone. It’s me and all my broken inability reaching out and giving control to God. The real me is when He is with me. Its when I can step back and say whoa what the heck just happened when a meltdown ends calmly and an apology is spoken. It’s the mom that God makes me when I call out for His help. It’s the mom that listens and speaks to Drew rather than at him. It’s the Mom that repeats what he says 20 times if needed until he realizes I am listening. It’s the mom that takes the 30 extra minutes to remind him He can trust me. It’s when the meltdown is over and some tells me how impressed they are with my patience. MY patience….!!! I am not naturally a patient person. That’s when I saw the change. That’s when I fell to my knees in praise because I knew God was working in me. The real me is accepting that God called me to be Steppy (stepmom) to my stepdaughter not Mom. The real me knows that even though I love her as my own – she has an amazing mom that loves her in a unique incomparable way. And the real me knows there is nothing wrong with that. The real me fights for what is right for Ella not what I want. The real me isn’t always visible. Sometimes the old me gets in the way and gets upset. She is impatient and easily flustered. Just recently the old me questioned why I was even a mom. I felt so inadequate and wanted to run away from being a mom. But thankfully God reminded me who He has called me to be is not who I think I should be. The real me hides some days and shines others. It’s all part of the journey and sometimes “those” days get in the way. But I will push on and keep finding pieces of the real me. Its funny I have such a hard time finding the real me but my kids already know her. After all the real me is my daughter’s person.
Truth is I am not what our society defines as perfect mother. We all know there is this Pinterest standard of mothering that includes all sorts of qualifications – making perfect balanced and pretty lunches, healthy snacks with no processed ingredients, birthday party decorations more elaborate than my wedding, handmade crafts with glitter, homemade laundry detergent, 30 freezer meals in an hour, Blah blah blah. Ya know what- I hate glitter, lunchables are my best friend, and 30 freezer meals in less than an hour would be a bunch of kid cuisines or pizza rolls. But you know what I am saying. We are held to expectations and standards that don’t fit in our reality. As absurd as it sounds I still try to fit my way in this standard. Truth is my kids don’t care if I make our laundry detergent or if their birthday party is elaborate and pin worthy. They want Mom to color in a coloring book or play tic tac toe. They want my time and my focus. They want hugs more than cookie cutter shaped sandwiches. They want Mom to talk to them not at them. They want Mom to be patient not perfect. Sounds simple and easy. Oh but it’s not. When ya have a screaming 4 year old mad because she wants to watch Peppa Pig at the same time your son is desperately trying to intensely educate you on Pokemon and 8 year old pouting because you told her she cannot eat an entire jar of pickles as a snack - BELIEVE me it’s hard to keep calm and not scream. Or maybe you have an ADHD child like I do and is having a major meltdown over something incredibly specific he needs and cannot stop until he has it. And although it is completely unrealistic request you truly wish you had the mystical item and could just give it to him to stop the insanity but you know that’s not the answer. Here is where the real me comes out. Its not what you might guess. Its not the me I used to be. Its not the me that argues back with him about how ridiculous he sounds. Its not the me that grasps for control. Its not the me that tried to make him behave the way a kid should behave. Its not the me that said I expect you to do as you’re told. And not the me that literally had to force him into his room to take a time out. Its not even the me that after it was all said and done cried for hours about how I would never be able to be what this kid needs. Not the broken mess that wanted to fix my broken son. The real me came into the picture just recently. The real me is not me alone. It’s me and all my broken inability reaching out and giving control to God. The real me is when He is with me. Its when I can step back and say whoa what the heck just happened when a meltdown ends calmly and an apology is spoken. It’s the mom that God makes me when I call out for His help. It’s the mom that listens and speaks to Drew rather than at him. It’s the Mom that repeats what he says 20 times if needed until he realizes I am listening. It’s the mom that takes the 30 extra minutes to remind him He can trust me. It’s when the meltdown is over and some tells me how impressed they are with my patience. MY patience….!!! I am not naturally a patient person. That’s when I saw the change. That’s when I fell to my knees in praise because I knew God was working in me. The real me is accepting that God called me to be Steppy (stepmom) to my stepdaughter not Mom. The real me knows that even though I love her as my own – she has an amazing mom that loves her in a unique incomparable way. And the real me knows there is nothing wrong with that. The real me fights for what is right for Ella not what I want. The real me isn’t always visible. Sometimes the old me gets in the way and gets upset. She is impatient and easily flustered. Just recently the old me questioned why I was even a mom. I felt so inadequate and wanted to run away from being a mom. But thankfully God reminded me who He has called me to be is not who I think I should be. The real me hides some days and shines others. It’s all part of the journey and sometimes “those” days get in the way. But I will push on and keep finding pieces of the real me. Its funny I have such a hard time finding the real me but my kids already know her. After all the real me is my daughter’s person.
Thanks so much Megan. Your honesty is inspiring!
If you, like Meg, feel the pressure of the world and just want to hang out with some other real people - we would love to hang with you this Thursday evening, August 18th, from 645-8pm, at McAllister Recreation Center - just off 20th and Schuyler in Lafayette
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