Sleeping Through

The other day I was in my office seeing a patient of mind named Joan. She is a pleasant older lady – retired – who was in to check on her medical problems. We have an understanding, me and Joan, that I will discuss with her things that are important to her health and I understand that each thing I mention will make her more and more nervous. She will try to endure the nervousness about all the tests that are now expected as screening tests to prevent illness from happening, because she realizes that she needs to know all of it and that is part of the reason she comes to the doctor in the first place. We had been talking about her getting a dreaded colonoscopy for a long time, years actually, and she had decided to wait, over and over, because it was just too much to consider – what happens in a colonoscopy (which if you do not know, I am not going to tell you).
One of the last times I had seen her, we talked about how things were in her life, enjoyed a moment together and then I began my reminders of good health care and she began to cringe, but when I got to the colonoscopy and reminded her that it needed to be done, to help her not die from colon cancer, much to my astonishment, she reluctantly agreed! Well, after I got my jaw off the floor, I applauded her bravery and went on with the visit and after hers, the next one and on and on until the end of the day. Frankly, I forgot all about the fact that she had finally agreed to the colonoscopy until she came back to the office for her follow up visit 3months later.
So, the other day when she was in, in the process of our talking together and recapping that last 3months, she excitedly began to tell me about her colonoscopy (not the details, read on!). She announced, in her retired lady, somewhat shaky and nervous voice, “It wasn’t that bad! I slept through the whole thing!” grinning the whole time. Then she added, “You can do any test on me you want to if I can sleep through it! That was the best! I don’t even remember a thing about it!” By this time, she was nearly off her seat, as if released from the anxieties of my office and my explanations of all the healthcare she should be getting, to new vigor and life in the idea that we could probably do all her subsequent tests asleep!
Now, Joan is sweet and in some ways I agree with her. I do not like going to doctors (I know that is weird, but it is true) or having tests and certainly do not like having anyone see parts of me that no one else does. I do not like pain or discomfort. I do not like my space invaded – just try cutting me off in traffic sometime and you will see. But this whole, “You can do any testing you want as long as I am asleep,” idea really prompted some thought in me.
You see, I am convinced that so many of us live like this. We would rather just go through our lives asleep than awake. We immerse ourselves in our work until it is so frantic a pace that there is no longer any time to think or perceive or notice anything anymore. We simply do one thing and then the next and then the next and when we look up, the day is gone and we go to sleep and start over the next day – like we are under an anesthetic of our emotions and existence. We do this unconsciously most of the time, our society prompts us with so many things that can be used as anesthetics (fill our lives with things to do). But sometimes, we do it intentionally too – we do it to escape the pain that lingers in the moments of quiet. It is in those moments that we hear the call to something more; something that we have not yet been able to find. We have spent our lifetimes trying to find satisfaction, fun, joy, excitement and everything we try fails at some point or another. We feel lost and strangely misplaced in our own existences. But, if we can sleep through it, we can go through anything – so we mentally immerse ourselves in things – sometimes it is even good things like family outings and activities or religious activities. The problem is that if we are doing them because we feel this need to be immersed in something or because we feel we a need to be busy doing something and this seems like the best option…then we are simply following Joan’s advice and sleeping through. Yet, we all hear the voice inside us that calls us to something amazing and powerful and extraordinary. If we wake from our sleep, what do we do with this voice?
Well, that voice is the wonder and amazingness of you. God has marked you. He loves you tons and wants you to have a fabulous life – unleashed from the sleep of American life. He is the One who can help you through the pain of your past, through the uncertainty of your today and into the hope of your tomorrows. They do not have to be drowned away in the anesthetic of our society, they can be awake and alive and full of anticipation!
Now, I fully understand that to wake up from sleep can be painful. There are things that must be faced – some of them worse than the colonoscopy – but it is better, so much better to face them awake and walking with the One who can bring healing to them than it is to run away from them. You see, as you begin to face them, they no longer hold you caged in the fear of them and, like Joan, free to be excited at the doctor’s office, you can begin to see a whole new life!
How do you go about it? How do you begin to wake up? It’s simple. Begin to talk to God about it. He, by the way, does not expect any big fancy, Thee and Thou and Thy language from you – He only wants You. Just explain to Him your struggle – if you don’t understand, tell Him that and how much you do understand – ask Him to help – He will. I know because I used to sleep through life, and I never want to go back there.
Also, if you are interested in hanging out with some people who are trying to “wake up” from the American sleep – please join us every other Thursday at McAllister Recreation Center – 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette, 6:45-8:00 PM. Our next time together will be 10/1/09. We hope you can make it!