What were we doing in there?

Last Thursday we spent a great evening together. As usual we spent part of our time discussing how amazing our God is in our everyday lives. This time we began our discussion with a video – a somewhat little seen video – of – my wedding. Of course, there were the prerequisite groomsmen and bridesmaids, the soothing music, organ and all, and then the view of the back of the church – the lovely lady dressed in white and her father choking back the tears. Then the close up on the groom (which in this case is me), as the bride comes to the altar – but if you look closely at the groom, you will see anxiety - he is one freaked out dude.
Now, I need to clarify something – I was not anxious about the woman I was marrying, she was fabulous and I knew it – I was anxious about the idea of being married, of being a husband, of all the things I was supposed to be and had no idea of how to do it. You see, I had not grown up with parents who communicated and lived the way with each other that I expected myself to be as a husband. I had no idea how to do the things I needed to do to be the person I wanted to be. I felt trapped. I felt like I was in a dark spot with only a flashlight to light the future of where I was to go. All the light I could see of hope in a future as a husband was about 3 inches around me. I had no idea how to get to where I needed to go and I was terrified. I spent my honeymoon feeling sick – I had no idea why – but I realized much later that the reason I was feeling so sick was the overwhelming anxiety I was feeling in my darkness. I needed to see that there was a way to get past my inability.
This is where God is so amazing. You see, I am not a hero, but if you asked my wife, you would find that while she fully recognizes my faults, she also would be the first to exclaim the fact that I am a fabulous husband. I am her rock. She depends on me through all the things that life brings our way. The distance I have traveled between the darkness I felt at the wedding to today is huge and I had no idea how it would be covered. The truth? God changes people. I was a terrible husband. I was awful and harmed my sweet wife so much that I'm ashamed to even talk about it. But, in the midst of all my anguish over harming her, I began to ask God to change who I was – you see, in the darkness, I realized that I could never be all that I wanted to be and I had no idea of how to get anywhere but where I was – so I reached out for God. Then and there He began to show me one step at a time the path toward how to become the man Melissa needed. Usually there was no giant vision of my future and the route to get there – simply a little more light in the direction of where I needed to go. After years of following a step at a time and asking God to change me, I find myself having come closer to where I wanted to be on that warm July day in 1993, than I ever realized I could be. Yet, I seriously claim no responsibility for this transformation that has occurred other than that I reached out to God.
This is amazing. Stop for a second and understand the fear I felt…understand the pain I caused and felt…soak up the devastation of not knowing where to go and yet knowing that where you are cannot possibly be right and yet not knowing where to even go next.
Do you every feel trapped? Do you feel like all you can see is the darkness of where you live now? Do you feel like you will never be able to make it out of the pattern of life you are in? Like you will never be able to break that habit? Like you will never be able to be the person you want to be? Like it is hopeless and you will never be able to get past the darkness of your life?

Listen to this news (some people have even called it good news). There is hope for you. You see, possibly better than all the noticing of sleep and noticing taste and all the other things we have noticed over the years is the noticing that there is hope. God is a God who cares about people and their lives and can change you. Even more than just changing you, He can help you actually be the person you were made to be – the one who is crying out in the darkness from inside you that there must be something More than this. This is the most amazing thing that there is about God. And this is what I see in all of the people who have been coming to More than more. You are being changed by him – I see it in you. So, when you notice the darkness and the prison of yourself – thank God for the fact that He is the changer of people and invite Him into the moment with you and when you notice the changes He has made in you and anyone else around you, thank Him for it and celebrate how amazing He is.

If this is interesting to you - if your heart is crying out for More, you are more than welcome to join us - we hang out every other Thursday at McAllister Recreation Center - just off 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette, from 6:45-8:00PM. the next time we will be there will be next Thursday, the 8th of July. As always there is free childcare so you can not have to worry about your kids. We would love to have you join us!