Have you tasted a Jazz apple?

Turns out I, the noticing pusher - the one who is always talking about noticing - who signs many of his emails and letters simply, noticing...

Yes - me - I am not a very successful notice - at least not nearly as good as I would like to be.

I decided to take some time to be in the quiet.  Just to sit.  To get out of the crazy - the noise - the pressure - the heartbreak - the expectations - for a couple days to be in the quiet.  It is not easy.  It feels uncomfortable and I can feel myself being pulled to do something - to text someone to tweet something to do instead of be...but I insistently am pushing back at that and allowing the quiet to sink in a little.

I was eating dinner just now.  Sitting outside.  I had grilled a tri-tip roast and made some veggies, a little salad, and a Jazz apple sliced up (these are Nate's favorite so I picked one up at the store).

At first, I sliced the meat, intentionally quieted my thoughts, and savored the flavor.  Amazing.  All those years that cow lived.  Raised under the tender care of the rancher.  And its life was given for mine.  The bites slowed and my thoughts became calm - calm in the arms of a God who so beautifully planned the cow, the rancher, and me.  God could have made the earth with only one protein source - and it might not have tasted nearly so wonderful as a bacon-wrapped, slow grilled tri-tip - He could have made just enough for us to survive - and we would never have known the difference.  But He is not that kind of God - He is imaginative and loving and generous and wants us to not just be nourished but to be thrilled as we are sustained.  He made a million kinds of meat and protein and ways to get our fill!!

Then I looked around - I saw to my left, sitting in a tree, a little gray bird - gentle and small - light and peaceful - it seemed to be looking at me (or maybe my tri-tip!).  And then as my focus changed a little, 50 yards behind him, in another tree, was another gray bird - maybe his brother??  Up to a branch a beautiful blue feathered bird came, and went.  Amazing color - amazing function - amazing!  Within a few minutes the little gray bird flew off the branch and then came over to another branch, closer to me.  There was no place to land apparently, so he hovered there - wings pushing back the air and holding him in that spot - all grace - all beauty.

I took a Jazz apple - lifted it to my mouth - and bit, purposely trying to experience the fullness of the apple.  It was grown on a tree - cared for by the farmer of the orchard - and then picked and delivered to me (via the grocery store).  A wonderful, crunchy, tart, but sweet explosion in my mouth!!  It was like all the taste buds that weren't being used on the beef were now awake and alert and ready to tell me of the wonders of a God who gives me fiber and nutrition and health (for Em it is even the mainstay of her hydration...) in a million ways - Pears and Apples and Oranges (yes, Marcie, oranges!) and Plums and Apricots and Peaches and on and on and on - He could have just given us a single source - but no, He is way to wonderful and creative and joy-filled than that - He wanted us to have the wonder of all the experience - and I would imagine that when we appreciate it, we thrill Him and He laughs out loud!!!

Here I notice.  I am overcome with the love of a God for me - us - that chooses to so extravagantly lavish goodness on us in the way of food (thanks John for the book by the way!).  And in this moment, I find myself seeing life for what it really is - and I invite God to join me in the moment, as I notice.

Here's the thing...

the flies...

what I didn't tell you is about the flies - seems as soon as I am out there eating, they are buzzing around - apparently wanting their portion??  They buzz and annoy and distract.  Now, I know that some of you "bug bowl" lovers will remind me if I give you a chance that the flies too, are part of God's plan and that they have their part in the big picture of life and love and goodness on this earth.  I agree with you- I was just having a hard time seeing it while I was eating my lunch.  They were distracting me.  As I swooshed and swatted them away, I began to feel as i had better hurry to get the meal eaten - stop looking at the birds, stop experiencing the apple and the tri-tip.  I found myself pushing, racing, to get done so as to avoid the annoyance of the flies.  The meal started to become something that I needed to get done with - rather than a moment to BE in.

Life is a lot like this lunch.  There are birds.  There are apples.  There are tri-tips.  They look like our kids.  They look like our spouses.  They look like our co-workers.  Sometimes they just look like a good meal.  They are beautiful and amazing and wonderful.  They are passionate expressions of God's raging love for us.  He is so creative. He is so big.  He is so good.  He has filled our lives with other people, with a wonder of food, with the feel of a good piece of wood in our hands and the joy of a hot shower - with the joy of a fireplace on a cold evening and the snuggle of a warm blanket when it is snowing.  He blessed us with the warm sun to scoot away the chill in our hearts and the cold ice cube to cool us when we are roasting. 

But...

there are flies...

they buzz around at us and sound like expectations of what we need to buy, they sound like internal screaming matches over what we know is bad for us, and yet we want it anyway way more often than we should.  they sound like bills and budgets and schedules and homework and deadlines and credit cards and bodies that do not look like we think they should.  they sound like TV's and screens that occupy our minds but don't leave us having noticed anything at all.  they sound like the internal desire to get everything right all the time, to control everything all the time, to be in charge all the time, to make everyone happy.  if nothing else, the flies are just the sheer number of things we have to do - from 5am to 11pm every day at home I run - and too many times the pressure to get to the next thing I have to do keeps me from really tasting the apple - from really seeing the bird - from really experiencing the life of the cow and the rancher and the apple - from really wallowing in the joy and wonder of a God who cares so much that He made all this - for us.

So there you have it - I am not nearly as good at noticing as I want to be - but I am determined to keep pushing back the flies and see the wonder expressed to me in the everyday moments of my life.

If you are tired of life as usual - have a sense that there is much more to this life that what we are experiencing - and are looking to get better at noticing, I hope you will consider joining us at More than more.  This is our whole purpose.  To notice. 

We will be hanging out this coming Thursday, October 1st, from 645-800pm at McAllister Recreation center in Lafayette.  As always there will be free and excellent childcare for kids up to middle school age.  Hope to notice you there!

thursday

wanted to remind you all that this Thursday, the 17th of September, we will be hanging out at McAllister from 645-800pm - it is always a great time and we hope to see you there

cups to share

at Mtm we are a group of totally broken and messed up people who have come together to laugh, to try to learn to have relationships that matter and have a chance to last, and to try to live a different way than the life as usual we see around us in this country.

i was told recently that this country is getting lonelier and lonelier - and i agree - we do not value what is really important - we spend tons of time entertaining but not much time really being...we spend gobs of time impressing and statussing (if it's not a word, it is now!) but not much time loving...we spend lots of time achieving but not much time being real in the middle of and at the end of, our achievements...we spend lots of energy commenting on relationships, but not much time gutting through the messiness of them.

at Mtm we are pushing back against all this.  we are trying anyway.  turns out it's hard.  but, turns out it is also wonderful and real and full and good.  turns out it is the only way that really is worth doing anymore...

we would like to share this with you - we are like one of my friends said the other day - like the sample cups at pink walrus - when we get together every other Thursday at Mtm, 645-800pm at McAllister Recreation Center, Lafayette - we give a sample of what this life is like - and there is no charge.  Plus we almost always have good food and free childcare.  it is definitely worth a try - and we hope you will join us - all are welcome - we are a group of all ages from newborn to way past retired and of many experiences and backgrounds...

we will next be hanging out this Thursday evening the 3rd of September.  hope to see you there