Monday, August 24, 2009

Who are we - as we live it...

Well, we all got together again last Thursday night at McAllister Center to hang out and enjoy some time being with some people who actually care about us and their caring has nothing to do with what we have to give them, what we own, how we talk or dress etc, etc, etc. It was a great time.



We started with our time of noticing how cool and big God is as we watched the pregnancy video of my first child, Emily, now 10 yrs old. Before you go there, it was not all the details of the birth itself, so just chill. It was about every 3wks videoing the ever enlarging pregnant belly of Melissa, followed by the hospital video of Emily's first moments and ending with Melissa (all puffed up from the IV fluids) holding Emily on the 2nd day of her life.



We were again reminded of how amazing each life is; that this kind of beauty of the beginning of life is not just for the family's where the baby is desired and wanted and prayed for like Emily was before she was born, but the baby who was an "accident", a "surprise", to a single mom, in a 3rd world country, with not enough food, and on and on - they are all beautiful, just like this one. Whether they are born in a field or in a operating room - they are gorgeous and unique and wonderful and each of them has all the potential in the world. So, whenever we are tempted to miss the amazingness of this God we talk so much about, consider that one of the most beautiful expressions of His love for us is in the faces of the created people all around us - each of them with a birthday as beautiful and wonderful as Emily's.



Then, we spent some time noticing people - realizing that the world is not all roses and syrup - sugary and sweet, but exceptionally painful a lot of times - and that when we involve God in the middle of those problems - they are better. We took some time to notice these things among us and to care without reservation and then to talk to God about those things. This was amazing and to see the love and care the people in this group have for each other is humbling. Many pains were helped in this one evening!



We then spent 2minutes introducing the next word for who we are - last time it was "giving." This time? Soulful. This term was given in contrast to the word "Selfish." This group is soulful and we will talking more about that in 2wks - 9/3/9 at 6:45-8:00PM at McAllister Recreation Center - 20th and Schuyler, Lafayette.



Just to introduce the idea - we feel so many times like there should be more to life than there is - like we live in a fraction of ourselves - like the deepness and amazingness of life is lost in the schedule and activities of the everyday - when we live soulfully, we tap the amazingness more and more and more as life goes on - here's hoping for a soulful day!



Hope to see you 9/3!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

To Bump or not to Bump

So, the other day we were at Six Flags, Great America, on vacation, right? We were standing in line, as is so often the case at these giant amusement parks. To most people (and to be honest, to me as well, most of the time) this is simply a time to space out, listen to the children complain, feel hot and sticky, and bump into another 500 or so people who are spaced out, complainy, and hot and sticky - not your typical "I want to spend how much money to do that" kind of time. But I sort of like to people watch - to pay attention - to "notice" stuff, and this time I was applying this idea to the line, so sometimes I am a freak, I know.


So, there I was, in line for bumper cars - or as they call it at Great America, Rue Le Dodge - not sure the significance of that, but doesn't really matter to the post. I like to people watch at bumper cars - I think some of people's true nature comes out - you see the most timid person flying around like a maniac - it's really cool!


So, as the cars start up I see this guy. I had walked past him a couple of times in the back and forth of the line. He was thin, with long hair in a pony tail and drk complected. Now, I kind of figured he was a tough guy with that long hair and all, and that he would be out to get some unsuspecting people in their little yellow bumper car, out for a nice drive. But, to my astonishment, he was simply driving around, away from the other cars, in a little circle all his own. He was kind of swaggering with his head, enjoying his personal space. When some other car would come his way, he would gingerly dodge them (maybe that's where the name came from?), laughing at their inability to penetrate his Sunday afternoon Rue Le Dodge leisure ride. It was almost surreal to me, because I love to smash people in bumper cars - I think I could probably grade the degree of neck snap I get when I hit people if I thought about it long enough! But this long haired, pony tail wearing dude wanted nothing to do with it! Didn't he realize that that is the point? It is not the Great American Raceway - the one with the stinky old cars that you drive around a track guided by a post under the car at about 2miles per hour, where you are not allowed to bump the car in front of you, or even think about it because the workers on that ride can read your thoughts and you will be expelled from the park if you bump the car ahead of you...woa, I kind of got carried away there a little bit, sorry. The idea is, in bumper cars you are supposed to thrash people - you are suppposed to BUMP them! And, as near as I could see, this guy went the whole ride without a single bump, not one collision, no smashes, no crashes, nothing. He ended the ride with that silly smirk still on his face. I couldn't decide if I wanted to run up to him and tell him it was safe to hit the other cars, that maybe he didn't understand, or I wanted to throw him back into his car, put on his safety straps and thrash him myself...oops there I go again - this ride brings out the best in me!!



So, here's what I think. Way too many people live lives trapped in the circle of avoiding anything of significance. They think the ride is all about just making it through without any "bumps." They go about their lives avoiding anything of with any power, never to face up to the passions of life. The thing about real life is this: it always has bumps - everybody gets nailed. No one is exempt. Tomorrow will be another day at my office of helping people through the unexpected "bumps" of life (and this lighthearted writing is not meant to minimize them at all, by the way). The thing is we must not go around our lives living trying to avoid all bumps - life's greatest joys are found when we are willing to let go of the things that seem to be safe and reach out into the unknown. There is something in all of us that screams that there is something more than just the day to day, bumpless life we are leading. We find that in the pain of the bumps (and especially on the back side of them) is often the creativity and wonder of life.

If you find yourself circling life safely - if you find that it is just not all that you thought it might be - that there must be More - please join us Thursday night at McAllister Center - 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette - 6:45-8:00PM.



Hope to see you there!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

What time is it?

We are lucky to have a wonderful family. My wife and kids are a joy to nearly all who meet them...and every time I spend more than a few hours with them it seems I have this dominant ache inside my soul that cries for more. There is joy in their growth and the ever-changing love we share that seems to knit us together like a skilled craftsman making a beautiful scarf, and a grief in their growth and the ever-changing love we share that seems to be gradually moving us apart, into the strength of the childrens' independence and eventual departure from our home to their own homes (just this week my 5 year old has been discussing with me who she will "probably marry" and why).



It is under the spell of one of these times that I write now. We are in Chicago for our last weekend before 5th, 3rd, kindergarten.

I am also massively lucky to have my in-laws. They are hospitable and gracious, kind and loving, and have taught me so much about caring and true love that I will never be able to thank them enough.


We stayed Friday night with them and, in keeping with their famous hospitality, we slept in their bed. I was really tired, as I often am after a week of bathing in the hurts of mankind in my office, and I turned in long before Melissa. I took a glass of water to bed, to sit on the nightstand, feeling parched.


Needless to say it was only minutes before I went to my dreams, prayerfully asking God as I nearly always do to take my sleep, hoping He will make sense of all the jumble inside there before morning...like a unconscious therapy session I take part in each night.


Somewhere in the night I woke up. In the the haze of partially completed "sleep therapy" my bleary eyes looked over at the bright green numbers of their alarm clock on the nightstand. But the bleariness was more severe than usual yesterday in the night. In fact, all I saw was a fuzz of green distortion. I shook my head, blinked hard, figuring that the image would clear - it did not. Then I realized that the rest of the room was clear, but the clock was not. In fact, where I had set my glass was directly in between me and the numbers and I was seeing them through bent glass and water. I moved to the side and the numbers were clear, I realized it was 2AM, in keeping with how my body felt, and went back to sleep.


But, even that night, an observation began to dawn on me. So many times in my life, I go about the details of living. I spend time investing in a million things. Up, exercise, read, write, to work, run, run, run, lunch, to work, run, run, run, home, quickly bond and hangout, activities and responsibilities, run, run, run and then kids to bed, run, and then clean up the dishes and all with Melissa, write, exercise, run, run, run, bed. The franticness is only exceeded by the sense that we a driven by our schedule. But so many times when I go to look at the time, to get a sense of what it is all about, what the drive for life is, what the purpose of it all is, I feel like I am looking through bent glass and water and that there is no clarity at all - there is clarity of all else - where I am supposed to be, what I am supposed to do, who I am supposed to be with, etc, but not clarity to what the significance of it all is. Yet, I grope and blink and strain my eyes sometimes to see what it all means. I strain because I know there is More. There is something besides the everyday, day-to-day, run, run, run, but it is not always clear what that is.


How's that for pitiful? Here I am the "leader" of More than more; the one who is supposed to have all the answers, and I struggle like crazy.


Well, I have fabulous news for you! This struggle, this groping, grappling, blinking, straining to focus, is actually a wonderful gift. You see, most people live lives feeling the uncertainty, blinking and searching, aching for something more - sensing that life has some significance and majesty and wonder and joy and fullness more than they are getting - they see it in the eyes of their children on Christmas morning, they see it in the smile of their lover on sunset evenings, the smell it in the air on the fall mornings when the fog has not lifted yet, they hear it in the rush of the wind and the song of the birds, they feel it in the vibration of a NASCAR car as it flies by, and in the hit of a defensive end on a quarterback, it screams at them as they watch the days of their lives fly by and look back on years of wasted time, they experience the ache of it in the credit card statements and the fact that there is still the same sense with the bill that there had been prior to the purchase - there must be more...


This more, this focus place, this meaning, can be found - you can connect with the power of the NASCAR and the delicacy of the fog - there is a unifying More to life. This is not the "religion" fed to us over years and years of organizations, denominations and liturgies. This is a living God, who loves you. He loves me so much. He clarifies the run, run, run and makes it full of joy, an exciting adventure. He is the reason that More than more exists. He is the reason that my life has meaning. He is the reason that you feel all those moments of "eternity touches" that I just mentioned. Sadly, He has been contamninated by our search for power and desire to harness Him into what we want Him to be in churches and pastors and congregations over the years - he has been bashed by the struggle to dominate in terrible times like inquisitions and crusades. He has taken it on the chin by us. But, please, do not let the organization of Christianity create your opinion of God. Begin to open your mind to the possibility that that cry inside you is a cry for Him - the real Him...that He only wants you. Consider that the reason you have not yet found the fullness and meaning and joy that you sense is out there, is that you have not yet opened your life to the idea that He is the reason. Begin simply asking Him to enter your world. Ask Him into your moments. Be real with Him. My journey began with a simple request to Him - humble and pure and true - "Please Lord Jesus, teach me to love - I don't know how and I don't even know what to do. Please help me." This simple request and He has remade my life. I touch the wonder of all with each episode of "run, run, run."


If you would like to join with some other people who are doing this...broken, messed up, addicted, lost, hurting, beaten down, but beginning to see More to life, please join us this next Thursday, 8/20/09 at 20th and Schuyler Ave, McAllister Recreation Center - Lafayette, 6:45-8:00PM. Plan to have your focus changed - to notice life in a different way - and to meet some people who will care for you, just because - no one will judge you for what you wear, what you say, or what you've done. What they will do is invite you to join them on a journey past the green fuzzy numbers.



We hope to see you there!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Who are we?

Hey! Last Thursday we got together at McAllister, usual time, usual place - and had a great time relaxing and trying to get to a better way to live life.

We started with the Question (thanks Denise): How did each of you come to be a part of More than more? The answers were different - the stories of life different - but they all seemed to share a critical component - relationship. We know each other - sometimes we have met at a bookstore and sometimes at work, some have been friends for a long time and others only known each other a short time - but it seems we all came because there's something in the relationships we have shared that we want to continue. It was cool and humbling to see the remarkable journey we have been on.

Next we spent time noticing how cool and amazing God is by talking about football and nascar. We pretended Jason Blankenship was watching a football game and that Jessica was making him cereal in the other room (she volunteered that she can make cereal - but I happen to know that she makes some fabulous oreo balls and oyster crackers). He was so into the game that when she yelled that his cereal was ready, he didn't even hear her. So, she came closer and said it louder and he still didn't hear, as he was so (pretend) into the game. Now, hasn't this happened to all of us. The guy swears he never heard and the lady says, "Whatever." The thing is, he's telling the truth. The way the brain works is that when our mind is really focused on something the nerve from our ear to our brain doesn't even work - it literally shuts off completely sometimes, depending on how focused we are on something else. This is because of how amazingly we are created. God made our brains and nerves so amazing that if we are focused, we literally "tune out" other stuff. Now, for the football example some people would argue that this is not helpful and can actually be harmful but what about if you were driving in heavy Chicago traffic and some semidriver was about to cut you off and then all of the sudden your kid in the back seat yells that they want some gum. Isn't it a good thing that you really can't hear them? God made us this way for our safety. The amazing thing is that this is so amazingly complex that no one completely understands how it works and yet some people have the nerve (no pun intended) to say that all this complexity comes from a Big Bang and then from a cess pool of stagnant water. I'm sorry, but no matter how many years go by - this is just not as possible as the fact that there is a loving God who made us amazingly. So, the next time you are "ignored" for football or nascar, for Oprah or food network, before you get too frustrated, stop and talk to God for a little bit about how cool He made us - thank Him - no one else loves you more.

Next, we took some time to notice the people around us. We looked at them all for a little, nothing fancy - some probably wondering if they like football or nascar, Oprah or food network - and noticed that they were real people - wonderfully made, each unique...many times we go through life and never really "see" anyone. Then, we notice that they all have issues, problems, things going on in their lives. We give time each time we get together to talk to God about each other. We believe this makes a huge difference in the way our lives go. It does not change everything and make everything perfect, but it does make things better. We offer this chance to share something of our issues with each other by writing it on a slip of paper. This can have our name or not. We then put them all into a hopper and draw one out. Then, simply, over the next 2 wks we will talk to God about that slip, asking Him to please help them out. It is a really cool way for us to help each other and get closer together.

Last, we always try to have at least a little learning. We are beginning a new set of talks this time. They are titled: Who are we? We all experienced how amazing our outreach was a couple weeks ago and now we need to look back at who we are, both when we started and during the outreach week and try to figure what we are really about. So, we will be putting together a list and some discussion about this over the next times we meet. So, we began by going back to our original ideas for the group - before we had even gotten together. We read them together - if you would like a copy, attach your email to this post and I will send you one.
I then simply asked the question, "That is who we were intended to be. Who are we? In light of the time we spent a couple weeks ago reaching out to the community. In light of the reasons why you are all here and why you continue to come. Who are we?" The first answer, and the one we talked about Thursday night was: Giving.
So, I asked, "Before the outreach week, before this group, what were you like in terms of giving?" The responses were tough - "I never gave." "I only gave when it seemed like I was going to get thanked or something back." We tended to give only when there was something in it for us. Next the question, "What is your giving like now?" The answer? "Willing to give even when someone isn't thankful (not necessarily cool with their lack of thankfulness, but willing anyway)" Ready to give even if it costs, a lot. So, where does this change come from? Is it that we try hard to become "good givers?" No, we noticed God for a while, began to invite Him into our worlds, moment by moment throughout our days, then we began to notice people, their needs and hurts - their inability to even know how to thank anyone (especially those who need the most, may have been hurt the most) and the desire to give grew and grew and grew. We see God's love - given to us even when we are not thankful -and it makes us want to give that love to other people. It is an amazing change - like transformers, becoming something more than meets the eye.

Then we listened to a song call I Will Go - by Starfield - here is a link to the words
http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/starfield-lyrics/i-will-go-lyrics.html

We then shared some time talking and having some yummy homemade bread (thanks Becky)and juice as we celebrated what God has done for us.

It was a fabulous time! Out of times like these, we are capturing a better way to live life. More than the usual more's that people live for. It is a great time and we hope you can join us next time,

8/20/09 6:45-8:00 PM at McAllister Recreation Center - free, wonderful, childcare as usual!
20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette

Saturday, August 1, 2009

You may be right, I may be crazy

As we approached last week and our community outreach week, weeding through the bureaucratic maze of insuring a major event, putting in place all the preparations we could think of...as we went through the week, watching lines of hundreds of families come and go, feeding hundreds and giving dozens of prescriptions away...as we have answered questions about it this week, talking about ideas and trying to make sense of it all, one of the dominant things that was and has kept running through my mind is "This is crazy...absolute insanity. What are we doing?!" The interesting thing is that that is how we first felt when we started More than more. It is how we felt when we started Center on More. It is how we felt when we went to Puerto Rico 2 years ago and to Matamoros last year. I have said more times than I can count, "I feel like I am in so far over my head. I don't have any idea what I'm doing or exactly how it is going to happen." I am sure many of you have heard me say that.
Each of these crazy over-our-head things, however uncomfortable though, we do not consider to be bad. In fact, we consider them to be among the most wonderful things in our lives. We have been so pitifully out of control, yet we have been on the most amazing and wonderful, fulfilling journey we have ever taken. I am not saying it was easy or even fun all the time - there are huge struggles, mostly against ourselves, the ideas we have, the tendencies we have developed, the brokenness we have inside us, misconceptions we have, the issues we have - but also sometimes against politics or attitudes of other people, sometimes against institutions, certainly against the grain, the mainstream ideas of what American life should be like. The strange thing is that we don't remember the fights for the most part - we remember the journey God has taken us on. The stuff inside us that was so hard to break no longer binds us in the same ways. The habits we struggled with often times are memories of habits now - seemingly because of the journey - as crazy as it has been!
We have chosen to not live by the conventional American ideal - we have chosen to break out of the society of "more" - get more, become more, achieve more, buy more, be more - the society of "upward mobility" - instead to embrace what I have heard called "downward mobility" by this friend of mine named Garrett. We have chosen to invite God into the moments of our lives and to ask Him where He wants us to go and what He wants us to do on a sometimes minute by minute basis. This request, and the God who responds to it, has taken us on the over-our-heads, fulfilling, wonderful, joyful, fun, hard, and crazy journey that landed us where we are right now. This changes everything.

Something I read last night really characterized this idea well. It is a quote from a guy named Albert Camus,

"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very act of existence is an act of rebellion."

and then a quote from Brennan Manning,

"Simplicity, purity, and obedience to the Word [in this case meaning Jesus, God] will leave us weak and powerless in the world's eyes because we can no longer call on our possessions and privileged position as security. We will be subject to derision and outrage because [following God in this way] is a life of sublime madness."

Wow - I see us living free - More than more as a group - breaking free from the idea that more is the answer - and shedding that idea for the wonder of uncertainty and giving of ourselves, our money, our time, our energy, our passion for this amazing and insane journey...willing to be powerless and weak, to give up our rights to be what our education, status, neighborhood, upbringing, history, bank acct say we should be...even willing to hurt and beaten down, taken advantage of, to have those we are trying to help even hurt us because of the pain and loss within them - all because we choose to be free, in our madness - that our very existence would be an act of rebellion to the very broken world we live in.

We invite you to join to us, every other Thursday night - the next time is 8/6, next Thursday - as we continue this journey - who knows what craziness is next...