Wednesday, March 25, 2015

I'm late, I'm late for a very important date...

As a child I was taught never be late, actually never even be close to late. My mother was amazingly early for everything- she still is to this day. In fact I know to expect her a minimum of 15 minutes earlier than planned time. Sounds ideal, right? Not so much. Don't get me wrong I think my mom is amazing. Seriously how she managed to be on time anywhere with three stubborn daughters I will never understand. I do not remember ever being rushed to hurry or any panic. I don't recall my mother being frazzled and dashing through the house like a crazy woman. I don't remember her forgetting things and rushing back in a grumbling state of annoyance. I just cannot understand how she did it. Before kids I was my mother. I arrived 15-30 minutes early everywhere. I was annoyed with friends that showed up late. I mean really what is so hard about knowing what time you need to be somewhere and planning how to do it?!?!?!? HA! Three kids later I'm lucky to even make it anywhere some days. I try- really I do! But no matter how much planning and preparing I do- something always comes up! Overslept, can't find keys, forgot backpack, Ella wants to wear something else, Drew taking 20 minutes to put on EACH shoe, Lucy having meltdown because heaven forbid I brush her hair! Something- always something. I can list about a million somethings- and just when I think I ran out of things that could possibly make me late- something weird happens. Stray dog deciding to get in my car. Daylight savings time. Fall back- spring forward becomes jumble of trip forward and takes two steps backwards. I know excuses excuses. Bottom line my timing is off. And I am far from Mary Poppins like during this crazy rush. More like Wreck it Ralph or honestly- The Hulk. Yikes- I know. But are you going to tell me you have never screamed a request after asking 15 stinking times??? No- because even if you haven't flipped out- please just pretend to keep me from feeling like scum. Well I have a dear friend whose pet peeve is people being late. It's really quite ironic because I have been tossing this blog around in my head for about a month but ultimately hesitated to write because of a chuckle from loved one when when heard I was writing about timing- "you really have no room to write about that." But after friends facebook post about annoyance of people chronically being late and linking lateness to bad traits- I had to share something.
Throughout the course of life God has taught me something amazing about timing. First off- yes there are clocks and 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, etc. No one is exempt to this fact of life. It's all pretty amazing if you think about it. Really how intricate is His plan!? It's miraculous!!! Sure does not feel miraculous at 8:07 am as we rush to school, feels more like need of miracle to pause time to make it. But that is the amazing part- God is in control of every single second! Every single second! Every one!!!! He can make anything happen in any amount of time- even in a second! Ask someone who just barely missed being hit by a car. Seconds matter. Ask the gal watching the clock tick as she awaits pregnancy test results. Ask the daughter whose father is dying before her eyes. Each and every second means something. He can make seconds feel like hours. Especially those last 60 seconds of school day or work day- tick tick tick- come on! So although time does not technically stop- God does control the clock!
Does this make being late acceptable? Not necessarily. But it does also not make it shameful. God will get us where he wants us in his timing. I still need to attempt to be on time- however do not need to beat myself up for being late. In past if I found I was going to be late somewhere- 8 times out of 10 I would turn around and go home. No way in the world I would walk into a meeting or party late. I hated the saying- better late than never. But God taught me patience and acceptance of my messed up timing and others timing. Not perfectly. I still get frazzled and rush but eventually I remember I cannot control time. I am not my mother. Every person moves at the pace God sets them at. His timing is much more beautiful than mine. I do not mind others being late anymore. I strongly disagree that lateness or earliness are negative traits. I learned that sometimes we need to wait and sometimes need to be waited on. We do not always know the details or reasons people are late- often sound like excuses when in reality are part of His plan. Let me give you an example that many of you can understand. My doctor runs late often. In fact when he is on time I question if picked wrong room and should be seeing the patient next door. Ha. But he does not intentionally run late. He runs behind schedule because no matter how careful his schedulers are to allow the right length of time only God really knows what is needed. He runs late because it's not about his timing but about God's timing. He does not rush anyone out of the office because people matter to him. He knows they matter to God and God's timing is more important than the time on the clock or company standards. Not very many people understand this. It's easy to get frustrated because you have a schedule too. But if my doctor can trust God's timing then why can't I?? Honestly I have found that God uses that waiting time in ways I won't allow myself. It's probably the best quiet time I get. Someday my doctor will come in office and I will be sound asleep relaxing. Running behind schedule does not make him a bad doctor- in fact it does quite the opposite. Timing- early or late can be a positive trait if put in the right hands- no pun intended- hands- ha ha.

Join us at More Than More- come early or late- no worries. We will be meeting Thursday April 2nd at at McAllister Recreation Center, just off 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette, from 645-800pm. Hope to see you there!

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

sometimes it is hard to believe the sticky notes

On Valentine's Day, my sweet wife decided it would be a good idea to put sticky notes on the bathroom mirror of some of the things she loves about me.

They were pink (Valentine's day)

And she shaped them in a heart...

To you it probably seems silly, or just frilly and romantic.  But to me, it was quite significant.  You see, many times I do not feel lovable.  Too many times people have told me I wasn't; treated me like I was not worth their time or energy; put me down; threw me away, like so much trash.  I began to believe it somewhere along the way.

And there's this heart, on my mirror - and it says all these reasons to love me - that someone who I love very much believes - enough to spend time shaping them into a heart. 

It was wonderful.

So much so that I have left them up for the 3wks since Valentine's Day.  I love looking at them.  I love the reminder.

But I noticed something. 

Sometimes I do not see them - or if I see them, I discount them - I can say to myself that they are not true or don't matter (but I must say it doesn't even get that far sometimes, sometimes I don't even look at them).  It's weird - it 's not like I don't want their encouragement - its like I know what they are saying and I already don't believe it and so I wont even look at them - it's like in my head I believe they are lying to me (ok now I feel like pink papers can lie - I am losing it!!) and so I don't even want to pay attention to them - or maybe because it's safer somehow in my mind to just not believe the good things, but to stay where I am.  Sometimes I am discouraged and frustrated and hurting and I don't feel like I am all those things, and it is easy to negate them...

Then, you know what happens, someone from More than more, who I have had a chance to get to know through this crazy group of broken people, replies to my cry for help.  They tell me that not only are they talking to God about me, but they say some of the things on the pink papers too - they care and they believe good things about me.  They become a source of the Goodness of God to me - and suddenly the pink papers are more true, validated by someone else; someone who has no ulterior motive - no agenda - no manipulation - nothing they want from me.  And life looks different - the darkness recedes some.  I can see myself for who I really am better.  and I am thankful.

I don't know if you sometimes struggle seeing the pink notes on your mirrors.  They can look like a lot of things - hugs from kids, smiles, care of co-workers, love from a spouse, or a mom.  They can be so many things.  Or, you may not have many pink notes in your life at all - I have been there.

If you are in that space - or if you have been - or if you find yourself there at some point - I wish you would consider joining us at Morethanmore.  We will be hanging out tomorrow night, the 5th of March, at McAllister Recreation Center, just off 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette, from 645-800pm.  This is a group of people that love to just hang out, laugh, enjoy time together.  But we grow something bigger with time.  We grow the chance to remind each other who we really are - we grow encouragement - and it is worth an evening of your life every other Thursday.  Hope to see you.