Roses From Ashes

What do we do when tragedy strikes, when our hearts break, when pain drives us to a state of numbness, when our fists are clenched with anger, when addictions takes over, when we feel isolated and alone, when we feel like giving up, when we find ourselves at the end of our rope and all we can do is survive the moment….????

I have been there.  Many times.  We have all experienced pain at some point in our lives- and each of us has handled it in different ways.  Some good.  Some bad.  In the past (still occasionally) I would lock the hurt up inside my heart so tight and run and hide.  I would try to protect myself through isolation.  I would keep friends and family at a distance and if I felt they were getting too close I would push them away.  I did not want to depend on anyone or most of all be hurt by anyone ever again.  Let me give you an example- which is not easy for me- it takes a lot for me to really open up to anyone.  But what I have learned is that as hard as it is for me to share- God calls us to.  I remember when others shared- I saw how God worked in their life.  I felt the realness and closeness of God.   I felt love that I never knew existed.  

I have been through a few extremely painful events in my life- death and divorce.  First I lost my Dad.  I felt like the only person in the world who understood me was ripped away right before my eyes.  Yet I held it together for quite awhile.  I had to be strong for my Mom and sisters.  I kept pushing the anger and hurt deep inside until I found myself so depressed I couldn’t function.  All I wanted to do was lock myself in my room and sleep.  Well somehow my doc saw through my “I’m fine” statement and broke open my vault.  Just a crack- but enough for the hurt to start pouring out and the healing to begin.  Then a year later I found myself smack dab in the middle of a separation that was headed towards a divorce.   Even after tons of forgiveness and attempts to save my broken marriage my husband chose the drugs and new girlfriend and left me and our son.  Hello pain- my name is Megan- are you ever going away?  It was just too much.  I was a MESS!!!  Doc cracked the vault a little more-  by continuing to pour examples of God’s greatness on me even though I rejected his invites to More than More.  I took baby steps through the grief as I still tried to block myself from any potential hurt.  I think God kind of gave me a shove once.  Long story short- just hours after I finally filled out my divorce papers- Matt found me.  With a simple glance back our lives changed.  He swept me off my feet and we fell in love.  I know sappy.  But it happened.  Matt asked- I said yes.  We set a date.  I got the flu- or so I thought.  Surprise- prego!  Our church frowned, people judged, hurt, hurt, and more hurt.  I wanted to run, did for awhile, but then I took a leap.  I went to More than More.  My wall was up- hope was low.  Yet, no one judged us or rejected us.  We kept going- not always easy and sometimes took lots of encouragement and reminders of my need to be there.  Then there was a turning point for me- these super sweet gals threw me a baby shower.  I thought really "Who does this??""  I mean who takes this divorced, engaged, knocked up chaotic mess and just loves her??  More than More did.  Huh.  Life changing.  Baby steps turned into learning to walk, then almost skips at times with joy, I ran- but not away from God- towards the group- towards God.  See God became real to me through these amazingly equally screwed up people.  I still have pain- who doesn't?  But I have hope now.  

Maybe you can relate.  Maybe you are numb.  Maybe so many people have burned you that you are just sick of giving out more chances.  Maybe you don't know where to go from here.  I don't have the answers. What I know is my past- I beat myself up with lies, I hid, I cried, I yelled, I ran away, I was consumed with emotions- anger, sadness, rage, numbness, shock, hurt, fear, but most of all I stockpiled everything in my vault.  And it did NOT help.  It was not until I took a risk and trusted one person that I found His way.  

He sent me to preach good news to the poor, heal the heartbroken, Announce freedom to all captives, pardon all prisoners.  God sent me to announce the year of grace- a celebration of God's destruction of our enemies- and to comfort all who mourn, to care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion, give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.  Rename them "Oaks of Righteousness"  planted by God to display his glory.  They'll rebuild the old ruins, raise a new city out of the wreckage.  

If you are looking for this kind of different - a life that means more than just the average every day Americanism, we would love to have join us and hang out this Thursday, the 26th of July, 6:45-8:00PM at McAllister Recreation Center, just off 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette.

As always there will be fantastic activities for all kids too!

The Growing Song

The other day i was pulling some weeds in my friend's yard - he is busy and does not have the time to and it was a great chance to invest in something relatively mindless, spacing out, trying to not think too much about all the stuff going on in my life.

It has been a heavy time for us, much too much to think about and i was seizing the chance to not be completely overwhelmed for a little bit.  Enjoying the heat of the day and the sweat on my skin - i know it's weird, but when you work in an air conditioned office all day, it always makes me feel somehow more alive to sweat and work hard with my hands.

As i pulled weed after prickly weed, feeling some release of the burdens in my heart, i heard some sounds coming from the house behind my friend's house in the subdivision.  Back and forth went the voices of a man and woman.  In heated tones they each tried with passion to express why they were right and the other was wrong.  They were arguing - back and forth in my head, it began to feel a little like being a ping pong tournament observer - and there was no sign that either was going to back down.  Their voices were loud and grating.

But, what was that?  There was a softer, melody sound that seemed to be struggling to be heard under the thrash of the ping ponging argument.  Tuning to the softer sing/song sound, it became clear what it was.  The man and woman who were fighting had a little girl - maybe 4 years old - and she was singing.  There in the middle of the argument, soft, but beautiful, was her song.  I could not make out the words to her song, but it was sung with the innocence of a 4 year old girl's voice - absolutely lovely.

Over the next 10 minutes or so, the fight raged back and forth, back and forth, but the song seemed to grow.  It might be that i was just selectively hearing the song, and blocking out the argument, but i don't think so.  I think the little girl was realizing that her song sounded much better to her than the heated argument and so she increased the volume little by little until her song rose above the fray of the argument.  I could still hear the argument and when the song paused for a breath, the contenders trying to prove their point were still there.  But the song began to resonate in my heart and there in my friend's flower beds, my heart softened and i wanted to sing with the girl, or maybe just take a seat and listen to her sing.

Here's the point:
                 Our world, my world, feels like an argument.  I feel/we feel so many times as if our very existence is an affront to someone, maybe even ourselves.  We rage at life and life rages at us.  Our habits push us to do things we don't want to do.  Our families and relationships are way too often battlegrounds where we feel as if it is a kill or be killed feeling.  Our jobs are frantic and we are expected to do more with less.  Our bills are bigger than we make.  Our hearts and minds want something better than the world we live in, but we cannot see what it might be - each time we think we've found it, it seems to slip from us.  Then there's More than more, where we find Truth and good friends, who become family-as-family-should-be, love and peace and joy - an island in the storms of life.  The thing is, we are anything but exempt from the pain and the argument of life - life continues to throw crap at us - like illness in those we love, like choices we make that we don't want to but can't seem to keep from, like job losses that come from thin air, like relational woes that seem like they should go away easier than they are but that continue to come.  It seems as if we are in the middle of an argument sometimes - voices raised, we scream at life and circumstances, and habits and our agony - wanting to give up but wanting to fight, we hear the words of the switchfoot song:

 Yah! It's where the fight begins
Yah! Underneath the skin
Beneath these hopes and where we've been
Every fight comes from the fight within

I am the war inside
I am the battle line
I am the rising tide
I am the more I fight

Yet, in More than more there is another voice.  From within and from those who dare to love us after knowing everything.  From those we have dared to trust.  From the God who would dare to love us, the most broken, the most pitiful, the most unfaithful.  We heard the voice the first time we met someone from More than more.  It sounded far off and honestly, too good to be true.  But the more we know, the more we invest, the more we Trust, the louder the voice becomes.  It sings with a melody that is pure and true and resonates to the depths of our souls.  Once you have listened to it for a while, there is no doubt it is true and that you want to hear more of it, all of it, for the rest of your life - there is peace in the song, there is meaning in the song, there is beauty in the song, there is life, real life, in the song.  There is More in the song.

I wish in these days that the argument would stop.  My heart aches for argument-free moments, much less days.  Unfortunately, i am still a very screwed up guy though and there is much in me to be healed, way too much still broken.  Those parts continue the argument - they wage the "war inside"


       But the song

             Once embedded in my mind, once ringing in my heart

                  Never will be quenched, never drowned out again
                     - it is the song of freedom.

                          Won't you come and listen to it with me?
                            Let us sing it to you.  Sing with us.

Not literally - i can't sing worth a hoot - but join in the song that can never be destroyed by the argument


                That's what we are all about at
                 More than more

We hope you can join us this Thursday July 12th 6:45-8:00PM, at McAllister Recreation Center, just off 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette.  As always, there will be wonderful activities for children of all ages.