Mtm tonight

 Hey Y'all - tonight (12/17) is Mtm - 645-8pm

we will try to open the room early so you all can chat, but are not sure we understand how to do that

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/77005335347?pwd=R1NxUGh2QmZSOUpPN3NpcjFXWWo2Zz09

Meeting ID: 770 0533 5347

Passcode: yhS25V

hope to see u

Mom tonight - 12/3/20 - 645-800 zoom

 Hey guys - 

Mtm will gather tonight 645-800 pm. We will prob open the room a bit early just so you all can get in and we have tried to make it sos you can get in w/o us, but not sure if it will work...

We always enjoy the time together and we can't say enough about the importance of being together during this time!!

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/77005335347?pwd=R1NxUGh2QmZSOUpPN3NpcjFXWWo2Zz09

Meeting ID: 770 0533 5347

Passcode: yhS25V

hope to see you there!!

More than more back to virtual 11/19

 Im sorry to say that bc of the increasing outbreak of COVID in our area, Mtm will be meeting via zoom - the room will open at about 630 to allow some chatting and then we will start at 645 and go til around 8 or so - we actually bought a subscription this time so it will not kick us off at 40 min

the id # is 77005335347

the pw is yhS25V

hope to hang out w you all!!

Jason

Mtm this Thursday the 5th of Nov, at McAllister, inside, with masks

 this Thursday we will get together for Mtm at McAllister Recreation Center in Lafayette, from 645-745pm, inside.  We will meet in our usual room and if you are new, please ask at the desk and they will guide you.

all who attend must wear masks, worn correctly, over nose and mouth - this is both our rule and McAllister's

we understand that this makes some people very uncomfortable and is even offensive to some, but for safety, and in accordance w the requirements of McAllister, we will be requiring masks, even for children - infants do not need masks (seems obvious, but I will say it)

there will be child care for kids up to 6th grade - and they will need to wear their masks the entire time - there will not be food, snacks or drinks as we feel that for 1 hour, this is possible, and by being extra safe, we can encourage people to come that might not other wise

Mtm is a great time to share life together and notice what is really important and wonderful about the world and life in general.  It seems, especially now, we need to have some time together.

we hope to see you there

Mtm tonight 645

 hey everyone

we will be hanging out tonight - October 22nd, at McAllister in the field across from the center- which is in downtown Lafayette, just off 20th and Schuyler, from 645-800 pm tonight - it is supposed to be warm and sunny

hope to see you there - it is always a good time and rest and relax and just enjoy hanging out w some people who care about u just because - not bc of what you provide to them or for them

remember our Covid requests from previous posts - this time will be outside and will be socially distanced

if you are sick, please stay home - if your kids are sick, please stay home  - remember that there will be no child care for this gathering, but the playground is within view of our gathering

 Hi Mtm friends.

Wanted you to know that we will be hanging out this Thursday evening (tomorrow), the 8th of October, 645-800pm at McAllister rec center (in the grassy area opposite the center).

There will be no child care - but there is a fun playground for the kids and we will sit in view of it.

We will be meeting socially distanced - bring a chair (and maybe a blanket, depending on the weather) - it looks like it's supposed to be really nice!!!

More than more is a safe space for us during this crazy pandemic time - we enjoy each other, we laugh, connect and care, and attempt to notice something More than the everyday world we live in.

As we enter into the normal time of the year for colds and coughs and infections we have some guidance for you:

1) If you or your child is sick or has been sick in the past 14days, please don't come.  Understand that especially in children COVID can be barely symptomatic and yet still infectious.  We don't want to put our friends in the difficult position of having to choose "on the spot" whether to risk being rude to us and leave or stay and be super uncomfortable w exposure to COVID.  We know it's lame because it may just be allergies and we know it's hard to tell (Jason has mucus year round w allergies and asthma), but please respect the other people at Mtm.

2) Everyone seems to have different comfort levels w COVID - I have seen people that I would have thought would have been super careful, who don't believe it is even real - and people who I might have thought would be easy goin about it who are terrified of catching it.  When things like this occur, we must respect each other and go the extra mile to be respectful.  I can tell you, real people are dying of COVID and it is super sad for those around them, especially those who have given it to them.

3) We are not going to check temperatures or ask questionnaires for you to be a part, we are choosing to trust each other - but if you have the symptoms of COVID or have in the past 14d, please don't come.  

4) Understand that 1 negative COVID test does not mean you don't have COVID, especially in kids there are often false negatives and so we ask that you follow the guidelines above regardless of testing and keep in mind that even if your child is COVID negative and has a bad cold and gives it to other peoples' kids at Mtm because you bring them, those other people may be facing testing and quarantine that they may not be able to afford.  Their children may have to be out of school and they may have to miss work and pay. 

5)We understand that this is going to affect who can come to Mtm and that, in general, people are going to spend a lot more time at home between Oct and April, because kids get colds and we understand that this whole thing has stretched us beyond what we could have imagined.  But also hear that we are not abandoning you - we want to zoom w you individually, facetime and help each other - support each other - in ways that can keep us healthy.  Let us know if you are struggling, if you are sad, if you are frustrated, if you need someone to talk to - let's support each other through this and be creative in the ways we do it.

 

This Thursday, the 24th of Sept - Mtm

 Hi Mtm friends.

Hope you are all doing ok 6months into the exhausting pandemic of 2020.

Wanted you to know that we will be hanging out this Thursday evening, the 24th, 645-800pm at McAllister rec center (in the grassy area opposite the center).

There will be no child care - but there is a fun playground for the kids and we will sit in view of it.

We will be meeting socially distanced - bring a chair (and maybe a blanket, depending on the weather)

As we enter into the normal time of the year for colds and coughs and infections we have some guidance for you:

1) If you or your child is sick or has been sick in the past 14days, please don't come.  Understand that especially in children COVID can be barely symptomatic and yet still infectious.  We don't want to put our friends in the difficult position of having to choose "on the spot" whether to risk being rude to us and leave or stay and be super uncomfortable w exposure to COVID.  We know it's lame because it may just be allergies and we know it's hard to tell (Jason has mucus year round w allergies and asthma), but please respect the other people at Mtm.

2) Everyone seems to have different comfort levels w COVID - I have seen people that I would have thought would have been super careful, who don't believe it is even real - and people who I might have thought would be easy goin about it who are terrified of catching it.  When things like this occur, we must respect each other and go the extra mile to be careful.  I can tell you, real people are dying of COVID and it is super sad for those around them, especially those who have given it to them.

3) We are not going to check temperatures or ask questionnaires for you to be a part, we are choosing to trust each other - but if you have the symptoms of COVID or have in the past 14d, please don't come.  

4) Understand that 1 negative COVID test does not mean you don't have COVID, especially in kids there are often false negatives and so we ask that you follow the guidelines above regardless of testing and keep in mind that even if your child is COVID negative and has a bad cold and gives it to other peoples' kids at Mtm because you bring them, those other people may be facing testing and quarantine that they may not be able to afford.  Their children may have to be out of school and they may have to miss work and pay. 

5)We understand that this is going to affect who can come to Mtm and that, in general, people are going to spend a lot more time at home between Oct and April, because kids get colds and we understand that this whole thing has stretched us beyond what we could have imagined.  But also hear that we are not abandoning you - we want to zoom w you individually, facetime and help each other - support each other - in ways that can keep us healthy.  Let us know if you are struggling, if you are sad, if you are frustrated, if you need someone to talk to - let's support each other through this and be creative in the ways we do it.

tonight - Sept 10th - outdoor Mtm at McAllister field

 

Tonight, the 10th, will be our socially distanced face to face Mtm gathering.  It looks as if the weather is going to be reasonable, so we are going to get together OUTSIDE at McAllister Rec Center - just off 20th and Schuyler in Lafayette, in the grassy area behind the center, from 6:45-8:00PM.

Note:

• This is intended to be socially distanced - please come ready to enjoy but respect other people's distance - we are not marking off distances...
• There will be no child care - there is a park right there and you are welcome to bring your children, but you will need to keep track of them.
• Please bring chairs or blanket(s) to sit on.
• You might want to bring bug spray as we hear the mosquitos are especially bad.

More than more is a great place to just enjoy some people and to take some time to settle down and notice a better way of life.

Hope to see you there

Tomorrow Night Mtm outside socially distanced, at McAllister

Tomorrow night, the 27th of August, will be our socially distanced face to face Mtm gathering.  It looks as if the weather is going to be nice, so we are going to get together OUTSIDE at McAllister Rec Center - just off 20th and Schuyler in Lafayette, in the grassy area behind the center, from 6:45-8:00PM.

Note:

• This is intended to be socially distanced - please come ready to enjoy but respect other people's distance - we are not marking off distances...
• There will be no child care - there is a park right there and you are welcome to bring your children, but you will need to keep track of them.
• Please bring chairs or blanket(s) to sit on.
• You might want to bring bug spray as we hear the mosquitos are especially bad.

More than more is a great place to just enjoy some people and to take some time to settle down and notice a better way of life.

Hope to see you there

Socially distanced Mtm outside tomorrow night

 Hi Mtm friends!

Tomorrow night, the 13th of August, will be our first socially distanced face to face Mtm gathering in many months.  It looks as if the weather is going to be nice, so we are going to get together OUTSIDE at McAllister Rec Center - just off 20th and Schuyler in Lafayette, in the grassy area behind the center, from 6:45-8:00PM.

Note:

• This is intended to be socially distanced - please come ready to enjoy but respect other people's distance - we are not marking off distances...
• There will be no child care - there is a park right there and you are welcome to bring your children, but you will need to keep track of them.
• Please bring chairs or blanket(s) to sit on.
• You might want to bring bug spray as we hear the mosquitos are especially bad.
• I think, but am not sure, that the building will be open til 7, for bathroom needs.

More than more is all about people and relationships and noticing - noticing the wonder of an amazing God and noticing the people around us - and so we are so glad to have a chance to do this!!

We hope to see you there - it is always a good time.

Mtm tonight (7/30) 630pm zoom room opens start 645

Hi friends

Mtm will be meeting via ZOOM again tonight (7/30) 630pm open the room to chat and 645 start and finished between 745-800ish usually

hope to see you all there - the world is crazy right now and we have a hope and goodness in God - this time is meant to share that hope.

its always a fun time

Jason

code is 770 0533 5347

pw yhS25V

Mtm tonight 7/16

Hi friends. Mtm will be zooming tonight from about 630 (room opens) to 800 pm - meeting code is 6869422145 password is 939709

hope to see you there

Jason

tonight - 7/2/20 zoom and facebook live mtm

hey all
zoom and fb live mtm 645-800pm tonight 7/2/20
630 room opens

zoom code 72118154014
pw 8yuEbU

hope to c u there

Mtm tomorrow 6/18 6:45-800pm zoom opens at 630

Hey ya'll Mtm will be meeting on zoom tomorrow night, 6/18/20 - 645-745 ish and the room will open at 630pm

it is always super fun and we enjoy seeing everyone so hope u can make it!!

zoom id 302 656 2127

pw 963303

morethanmore tomorrow

Hey ya'll Mtm will be meeting on zoom tomorrow night, 6/4/20 - 645-745 ish and the room will open at 630pm

it is always super fun and we enjoy seeing everyone so hope u can make it!!

zoom id 302 656 2127

pw 963303

tomorrow 5/21 at 645 facebook live and zoom

meeting id 302 656 2127 and pw 963303

we will have the room open at 630

hope to c u there

Mtm facebook live and zoom tomorrow night there 7th of May

zoom # is 302-656-2127 and pw is 963303

we will open the zoom at 630 for people to gather and chat and then we will probably start about 645pm

hope to see//hear you there

Mtm virtual tomorrow - 4/23 6:30 Zoom sign in

zoom meeting id 302-656-2127
password 963303

we will have a zoom meeting and facebook live

looking forward to hanging out w you all!!

next post about identity

4/8/20

Identity

 

The heart of me, of us.

 

The center of who I am, we are.

 

It is here that we find the cause of how we act. 

 

Want to know why you do something?  Look at your identity. 

Want to know why you spend your time the way you do? Look at your identity.

Want to know why your credit card statement looks the way it does?  Look at your identity.

We could go on.

 

Here, in the middle of COVID, we have had the coping mechanisms stripped away.  Like layers of an onion, we have seen our lives shrink, closer and closer to the heart of who we are.  We have had to slow down, our busyness gone, and as we survey our lives, we see our identity and the actions that result from it.

 

I mentioned in the last post, that my fear of being hurt and my fear of failure drove me like a madman to self-protection and perfectionism.  These sucked the life out of me.  My fears lived me.  On the surface I looked highly productive and successful, but inside my fears were living me – I was the yoyo and my fears were the hands holding the string.

 

But the fears were really the action end of my identity – my identity drove the fears and the fears drove me. 

 

And my identity was squishy.

 

I didn’t really know who I was – I was living reacting to my past, to my brokenness, to my hurts and heartaches.  I thought I knew who I was, but I was wrong.  I was caught in a constant survival mode – trying to quiet a war inside me that demanded to be noticed.

 

You see, my actions, my fears, announced my identity:

My fear of failure spoke that inside me I was convinced that if I did not perform as the perfect doctor, the perfect dad, the perfect husband, the perfect friend, that…

I was worthless.

I truly felt that I needed to prove my worth to be someone of value.

My identity?  Worthless. 

 

You can see how frantic I would become to not fail, can’t you?

 

My fear of being hurt spoke that inside me I was convinced 1) I was not safe 2) life would not be ok 3) there would not be joy or goodness and that any goodness I was experiencing was only temporary til I got the crapped kicked out of me again 4) the only way to survive was to protect myself

 

My identity?  Consumed by Unsafe, Bullied, Harrassed, Lost, Lonely, Hurt – I was bruised and broken – that was my identity – doomed to sit in pain and misery – miserable.

 

You can see why I was freaking out at the first sight of anything bad or hurtful that was coming my way, huh?

 

These broken places in my heart were driving the ride of my life. 

And they were making me someone I didn’t want to be.

 

I wanted to be sure of myself.  I wanted to know when to say, “no.” I wanted to know how to play and laugh and have fun.  I wanted to enjoy life.  I wanted to feel peace and goodness in the moments of my life and not expect something bad.  I wanted to deal w the pain and hurts of life and not let them wreck me.  I wanted to spend my time and money in ways that were consistent with what I thought about life, not protecting myself or proving myself.  I didn’t want to hurt my kids and my wife w my negativity and defensiveness.  I wanted my kids to grow up believing in goodness and possibility.  I wanted my wife to be able to count on me.  I wanted to be consistent and strong and true.  I wanted to feel stress and not feel like I was destined to fail or like I needed to hunker down and protect myself.  I wanted to be able to risk and not fear failing.  I wanted to see people w realistic expectations and know that I couldn’t make everybody happy.

 

Yet, every time I tried to be these things, my identity shoved and pulled and pushed and screamed at me – it was living my life for me.

 

I woke up day after day and realized that I was not who I wanted to be.

Here’s the thing, and remember im not a psychologist, just a plain, flannel and cowboy boot wearing family doctor in ordinary old middle America:

 

I’m pretty well convinced that most of us, the everyday American person, lives with an identity that is kinda squishy.

 

I think that is part of what is so freaky about this COVID thing.  We feel uneasy, unsettled. 

We are looking at how we have spent our time, our money, our energy – and we find ourselves questioning…

We are looking at how our culture, our world, has spent its time and energy and money and we are questioning…

 

How is it that i/we believe things and yet our actions seem to be saying something else? 

 

We look back at the frantic last 5 years and we realize that an awful lot of our life has been lived for us and we don’t like it, but we’re not sure what to do about it.

 

I may be way off base here, but working w thousands of people over nearly 20 years of practice, it seems that identity squish is something that plagues us – it seems many if not most of us are being lived instead of living.

 

So, if we are to continue, how bout we talk about some general types of identity squish and then maybe about some things we can do about the identity squish and then after that what we can become out of less squishy identities?

another blog post and dont forget tomorrow night

4/3
When life is overwhelming.
When the crazy of the world is crushing.
When the buzzsaw of COVID 19 shreds thru your defense mechanisms and everyday life leaving you a trembling mess.
When your defense mechanisms are not available or are so overwhelmed that is becomes clear they are not working.
What do we do when life and its pain peels away all the normal and reveals the broken?
This is the world we are living in.
When I leave for the office at 725am, when West Lafayette is usually buzzing w people, the street is silent. Walking around Purdue’s campus, usually alive w tens of thousands of coeds, silent. Standing in line at the pharmacy yesterday and someone coughed and it seemed like the entire room jumped.
The same look on peoples’ faces as after the Murrah building bombing, and worse.
I see the frustration and the hurt – the loss of innocence – the feeling of betrayal, by life.
Aren’t we are supposed to be entitled to life, liberty, and happiness – but how are we doing that hiding in our houses and keeping our 6 feet apart? How is that supposed to work when we are locked in a cage called our house and told we can’t come out. Someone seems to have promised us this life, this liberty, this happiness and success and laughter and goodness and what we feel is lost, abandoned, hurt. We have been working really hard to be happy in a culture that has promised us so much, but now that it is all stripped away, we wonder. Seems there was some false advertising. Our culture has lied to us.
In this revealing, we see that maybe our society and us, maybe we are not forever. We are having to face the mortality of our culture and ourselves. We have to see that we are broken – our way is broken.
See, in the days after the OKC bombing, our defenses were gone. Our way of life was threatened. Life as usual was stripped away. We all felt it.
This pandemic is so much bigger, so much scarier, so much…
See, COVID is shredding our culture. It is exposing the culture, and unfortunately, our lives.
How are you feeling as you pass thru the life-grinder called COVID? As your life as usual is ripped up? As your rhythms are so remarkably disrupted and disordered.
Sad? Angry? Lonely? Jealous? Afraid? All of the above?
What specifically makes you sad?
Things or people you have lost? Hurts you have endured. Not being able to do something, go somewhere? Not being able to touch people or be with people you care about? Maybe just not being able to feel the way you want to feel when you want to? Maybe the nagging suspicion that everything you thought was real is not? The uneasiness of realizing how you were spending your time, your money, your passion, your energy, prior to all this and the sneaking feeling that maybe that is not how you want to be now?
What makes you angry?
Seeing people out and about when you are stuck at home? Seeing good people die? Not being able to work? Not knowing how you will provide for your family? People getting refused ventilators because there aren’t enough? People buying up masks and protective equipment and hoarding and seeing health care workers risk their lives to care for someone without? Being deprived of the comfort and ease that you are used to? Being threatened for your very existence when some people roll in the money taking advantage of difficult times? Not knowing what direction your life will take? Realizing that you made plenty of money to weather this well, if you had just been more careful? Maybe you are feeling the end result of a whole lot of your choices and you are not even sure why you chose them?
What makes you afraid?
The possibility of losing people you love? The possibility of abandoning the people you love? Not being able to measure up to your standards? Disappointing yourself? Someone else? Not knowing what the future holds? Not feeling safe? Feeling like all the things you thought were stable, maybe they aren’t? Feeling like maybe you have been pursuing the wrong things? Maybe our whole world has? Feeling like all the life you have spent trying to get a house and a car and fun things and all, maybe it was all for nothing?
See, when cultures and lives and relationships and bank accounts and stock markets get shredded, we find the layers of our lives being pulled off.
One at a time, like an onion, we find that the things we used to do/be are not there. The places we would go are not there. The people we would see are off limits. Peeled away, one at a time, we find that we are alone, with ourselves.
We look up and we suddenly see that the things we have spent our lives doing are gone. We see that the way we have spent our lives has been full of stuff: activities and spending and earning and distracting and numbing – for what?
And we are left w…us.
That, my friends always feels uneasy. Sometimes, crazy uneasy. When all of us are feeling it together, it is ridiculously uneasy.
When life is peeled off, we often realize that we have not been spending our life doing the things that really matter. We have not been being the people we really want to be.
Many have commented on how in these times, they are realizing the value in things that they had been missing before.
Some we miss now that were there before:
neighbors. Hugs. Just talking to another human. Extended family. Freedom to come and go as we please. Getting together in big groups just to celebrate. Having a child run to you. Feeling like you have everything figured out. Feeling like there is a rhythm of life that will go on forever.
And
Some we see more clearly now:
Close family. Breath in our lungs. Every day of being alive without COVID inside us. Laughter. Flowers. People who care for other people. People who sacrifice. Basic things like someone who takes the trash for us or who delivers our package. The taste of home cooked food. Learning things together as a family. The value of a human life. Companies that care more about their employees than their profit. People that are willing to risk because of love. Companies that give to help people they don’t even know. Old ladies who say no to a ventilator because a younger person needs it more than them
It simultaneously feels good to see these things w more clarity and unsettling that we have been missing them.
We look at who we have been pre-covid and we miss the easy of it, the rhythm and routine of it, we miss feeling like we had everything figured out – but now we are seeing that, much like I wrote in my last post, we have been lived by our lives, instead of living our lives. We are the yoyo and someone else has the end of the string.
In my case, fearing losing anything else, I spent my days anxiously trying to figure out and anticipate threats in order to feel safe. In fear of failure, I worked til I exhausted myself and nearly abandoned my family, only to fear becoming a bad father and husband and internally pressuring myself to be perfect, heaping condemnation on myself when I failed. I spent my life so determined to be the best doctor in the world that if one patient was unhappy, one bad review, I felt crushed.
On the outside, I seemed successful and productive and hardworking, but inside I was being lived by my fears. I was believing an unspoken brokenness inside me that was defining my life.
Then, when life was stripped away and I realized that I was not actually being the person I wanted to be, I looked in grief and despair on my life. I was not living the life I wanted to live.
When I was face to face w me, I felt uneasy. I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t really know what I stood for.
Times like these COVID times tend to bring us face to face w these kinds of moments. We see, us. Personally, familially, and culturally.
And, I gotta say, there are a lot of us that are not liking what we are seeing. There are a lot of us that are not fans of our culture. There are a lot of us who wish that when we start life back up again, we can be different.
I have a name for what we find at the base of ourselves. The heart of us. Understand, im no psychologist, just an ordinary guy, but I call it identity.
Identity.
Who are you? Really? The heart of who you are.
This is the part of me that made me quake when all the layers of myself were peeled off.
I realized that
I
Didn’t
Know.
I didn’t know who I was.
I had an idea of who I wanted to be.
I had a great idea of what my behaviors were showing I was.
But I really didn’t know who I was.
I had what I call a squishy identity.
And my identity was more something that I had become because of my fears and my hurts and my losses and my brokenness – they had decided who I was.
And
Who I was decided how I acted, what I felt, and who I became.
That’s how my life was living me.
And
I think a lot of our world is very much in the same boat.
And, if we are going to go thru the shredding of COVID, and we begin to have a chance to see ourselves clearly,
Why not look at our identity, as people and as a culture and stop letting our lives live us and instead begin living our lives?
Why not reevaluate our identity, and let our lives flow out of that?
In my next post, let's talk about identity.

A Blog post and don't forget ZOOM and facebook live Mtm this Thursday at 645pm, the 9th

ZOOM #:Meeting ID: 698-753-453

630 chatting time and 645 start - fyi we willl have to stop and restart 1/2 thru

3/31/20

Loss

April 19, 1995 - a day that will forever be burned into my memory. At 9:02 am, I was in class – a 2nd year med student does a lot of that – we were about 1 mile away. 

There were murmurs among my class mates, we were told we were not to leave the building. Within minutes, every screen in the building came on w pictures of our city, smoking. News reports droned on… 

A giant crater had been torn from the earth in my downtown. 

Literally right across the street from the YMCA where I commonly played basketball, 168 people lost their lives.

And our city stopped.

In our basement is a box with every newspaper from that day til the day Tim McVeigh was executed.

We watched TV hour after hour, sleeping only when our eyes couldn’t do it anymore. We prayed and we cried. Nothing else was in our minds, nothing on our hearts.

Going back to school, the morgue was in the parking lot where the med students parked – and each day we walked by the makeshift semi-trailer outside it where our people were being identified. We all knew. We all felt it. There was not even an attempt to “move on.”

We tried to make sense of it – applied our brains to it – felt like a smile would never come again. But there were no answers. There was only pain.

The entire city was quiet. No one honked their horns. No one raised their voices. Everyone drove w their lights on – a symbol of our unity and shared grief – we posted “We will never forget” everywhere.

Over months, we healed, kinda. Life resumed. We found our smiles and saw the people around us. We appreciated our breaths and every day.

Recently, I went w my oldest daughter, Emily, to the Bombing Memorial. Notice how above, I said we healed, kinda. Walking through the memorial was a wonderful thing. But, I wept. I wept for the loss of life and I wept for the loss of my innocence. I wept for my city and my people and I wept for my world, where violence and hurt are still far too common.

Loss.

Grief.

Can I confess something?

Over my lifetime, I have faced loss from an early age. Starting at age 7, loss and its inevitability, how it can come into a life and crush and destroy and wreck it, started wreaking havoc on me.

And

I have not had a healthy response. There was no one to teach me. There was only pain. 

This produced in me an overwhelming fear of loss and a desire to avoid it and its pain, at all cost. I would rather run away from it, numb it out, hide from it, pretend it wasn’t there,
Or if I couldn’t ignore it, then I would insist upon protecting myself from it – figure it out, analyze it, solve it, til I felt safe.

In effect, I tried to run from grief and loss. To hide. Tried to solve it, explain it, protect from it.

It has taken me many years to realize the toll that that was taking on me. 
My survival and safety stole my life. And the pain of my past was like a massive chain on my present and my future.
You see, after a while, avoiding loss and hurt became more important than truth. Internal safety overruled real life. 

I woke up one day and realized I was not at all who I wanted to be. I was not thinking, acting, feeling, or behaving what I believed was really important in my brain.

My broken heart was ruling my life.

Can I give you a piece of advice?

In times like this – COVID 19 times – your safety will feel threatened, your finances, your health, your relationships, your emotions, your time, your space, your sleep, your thoughts.

Your coping mechanisms, your avoidances, your habits will be pushed – many will be removed or at least shoved into areas you haven’t been in a long time. You will find yourself face to face with you. 

In times like these we have a choice. 

Be honest or hide.

My advice?
Be honest about your pain. Own your fear, we all feel it. Be real w your loss. Be human. Don’t run to a substance, a binge, an escape, don’t just cave to the craving to solve, analyze and protect. Don’t just numb out – be a person.

When normal is stripped away is sometimes the best chance we have to really see.

As you move to honest, find someone to talk to. A good counselor, virtual is best right now. They are out there. A good friend (6 feet away at least) who wants what is best for you, not just to help you escape. Talk to your doctor, they are ready to help. A good pastor can help. A kind neighbor can help.

You do not have to be lived by your escape, your busyness, your brokenness. Messed up times like these can guide us to refocus our lives and allow us to live true to who we really want to be.

I would love to go on a journey with you to rediscover you. I would love for us to find ourselves, to become ourselves.
It will not be easy. Easy is to continue the path you have been on.
It will not be quick – this is not a sitcom episode, this is your life.
It will take time, but it is so worth it.
In my next post, I plan to talk about where we find ourselves when the broken gets peeled off.

Morethanmore social distance version this Thursday night at 645

Hi everyone

thanks for those of you endured my book long post last time

this week for Mtm, we are going to attempt a combination group activity 

I think we are going to try a facebook live from Mtm's facebook page - I know, most of you may have not even known we have one - and then at the same time, if we can, we will try a ZOOM meeting for those of you who want to be a part in video and voice communication - we will see how it goes - Zoom only allows us 40min for the meeting and then I'm not sure how it works after that - please email me back if you want an invite to the zoom meeting -

for those of you who don't know, Zoom is an app and website and you can have an acct simply by visiting the site and signing up (free) or downloading the app from App Store called zoom cloud meeting and setting up an acct

if you want a laugh you can chk out my goofy practice live stream for MTM's facebook page...

we will plan on the usual time for this 645-800pm this Thursday, the 26th of march

love you all

don't forget to notice

Noticing in COVID19 world

Hello friends that I call family,

I am writing this in the middle of the one of, if not the, worst time of our lives.  Facing COVID19 is something that we are doing as a nation and as a world, together.  One virus against all the people.  It is wreaking havoc in Italy and China and even in parts of the US.  We watch the reports daily, starving for more information about what is happening & what is going to happen, in an effort to somehow prepare ourselves and those we love from this terrorizing virus, the economic repercussions of it, and the personal fallout of it on our every day lives.  We hear stories of real people who are not able to work because of schools being closed and them not having money for rent or food.  We joke about the toilet paper hoarders but behind the joke is a thick fear and anger.  We are canceling our vacations and staying in and telling our children and ourselves, “No”, a lot more than we ever have.  We truly don’t know what the future holds and neither do the simulators or the economists.  What we know, really know, is getting smaller and smaller and smaller.  We know we are afraid.  Afraid of sickness and loss and death, if not our own then people we love.  Afraid of losing what we have worked hard for or losing our future or losing our job or losing our independence.  These are crazy, fearful times.

In the middle of all this, I hope to provide some thoughts.  I desire to share some wisdom and hope.  For those of you who don’t know me well, I’m a simple man, plain, ordinary, broken, messed up, just like the rest of the world.  I only hope that my small voice in the drowning wave of voices right now will provide something good.

More than more is a small not for profit organization based out of Lafayette, Indiana.  We have been in existence for 11 or 12 years now.  We gather together and share food and time and laughter and relationship.  We serve in our community together - trying to right some of the wrongs of this world.  We are trying to redirect ourselves and those around us to a better way than the usual way of purchase and spend, get more, become more, be more, more more more that we have seen around us our whole lives.  In this effort, we are always talking about 1 word.

Notice.

We feel noticing is at the heart of the best life.

I feel noticing is even more important at a time such as this.

I would imagine that this is vague to any who have not been thinking this way, so let me elaborate.

Notice

Notice what I have seen written on social media so many times lately about the birds singing and the breeze blowing and the kids laughing and the warmth of the affection and love of those you care about.  This is a time to share lists and lists of things we notice - the wonder and awe and joy of the world in its simplicity - the goodness of real life. These are what really matters in this world - and they will be affected by COVID19, but the moment you have them cannot be stolen from you.  Rather than living in the fear of the future only (which we all will do to some degree), live in the presence of the moment and savor the goodness of the things in life that matter - don’t let them be stolen away.

You see, in times of fear, we naturally respond w fight or flight.  We can’t really run from this virus, so we fight and flight in our minds and in our “what ifs” and we circle and circle our thoughts around and around and around til, in a nauseated blue light phone haze, we look up and those around us are neglected and we have missed another minute, hour, day, week of real life w those we love.  How many minutes have you spent on social media just soaking in the stuff and fear of COVID19?  What if 1/2 of those minutes were spent in conversation , play, goodness, real life, with those you love?  What if 1/2 that time was spent serving someone in some way?  What if we woke up and noticed?  

Also, in times of fear, we tend to “circle our wagons” - the more the threat, the more we tend to withdraw inward our circles of defense and protect what is ours, for fear of losing.  The more we do this, the more we see those outside our circle of defense as outsiders - even offenders - even those who would steal from us.  This only divides us.  This creates all kinds of potential for discrimination and hurt - this is the kind of fear the gripped Germany in the days they gave control to Hitler - us and them.

So, please consider, we are all in this together.  There are some circles of defense, of course.  There have to be.  We need to take care of our families and those closest to us.  But, our neighbors (even the grouchy ones) are also scared.  They are scared of the same things we are.  They also are scared of loss and sickness and death.  They also feel threatened and are “circling their wagons”.  Please notice them.  See them.  Their grouchiness is almost certainly because of the brokenness of their hearts.  They have been hurt before.  They have been broken by the circumstances of life.  

This brings us to another of More than more’s sayings.  People suck.  All people - no exceptions.  They are all pitifully broken - crushed by the weight of the world.  But at the same time, people have the stuff of wonder in them - the amazingness of awe that we all feel at the birth of a child is alive in them.  In some it is really hard to see the amazing and wonder - and others it is hard to see the fault, but they all have both.  

So, in times like this, take a second and notice that you are broken (not hard for most of us) and that the people around you are (also not that hard) and that you have wonder and awe and amazing in you and they do too.  People are the most wonderful thing in the world and the most heinous.  

Notice them.  See them.  Don’t rush by.  Don’t let your fear make the world into an us and them.  Push back against your fear and see what is actually true.  Put down the social media and be social.  You don’t have to do it closer than 6 feet.  You can see people and wave and talk loudly from 20 feet away.  You can make extra food and share it.  You can give gift cards to people who are out of work.  You can smile at your neighbors and wish them well.  You can choose to include and not exclude - it begins in your heart and that is not outside anyone’s quarantine.  This is a time for lists and lists of ways to notice and care for other people without changing our public health and social distancing shared among us.

Notice why you have the fear in the first place.  It is because you have something to lose.  Now, take a step back from that thought and see what you have to lose.  Notice.  See with gratitude and thankfulness what you have.  See the goodness of your life.  Let your fear redirect you to be thankful for your life.  What if 1/2 of the time you were frantically searching for information or vegging out on social media or netflix, you spent being thankful?  Notice.  This is a time for noticing.  This is a time for lists and lists of things we are thankful for, shared among us - encouraging us all.

I am not advocating for mindless gullibility - there are sucky people who will try to take advantage and hurt us during this time - so also be wise.  Fear brings out the worst in people and sometimes people will latch onto hurtfulness so big that it can harm many.  It is perfectly ok for us to avoid those who are being evil and name evil as evil.  But, don’t let them distract you from what is important and the wonder there is to notice all around you.

Notice that you may need to work harder to get less during this time than any other in your life to this point, but most of us are, you are not alone.  Don’t take advantage of peoples’ goodness.  We are all are going to have to do without - a lot - and that is a pain, but let it redirect you to the things in life that are the most important.  Let your withdrawal from western indulgence sober you into seeing what the rest of the world lives like and fill you heart w focus on the things that were there mattering all the time.  $7 coffees don’t matter, it’s who you share them with that does, for example…

Lastly, this is not a time for pride.  Love goes above pride, always does.  If you need help, please ask.  Please let a neighbor know, a doctor know, a friend know.  Notice the fact that there may be more people who will love you than you thought and allow them a chance to care about you.

In summary, I hope we will all notice.  See.  Open your eyes and your heart.  All this can redirect us to the things in life that really matter - they can refocus us, but we have to choose that path.

Noticing….

Jason

no face to face MTM for 6wks - next will be 5/7 tentative

we are planning something to replace Mtm's usual meeting but are not sure what that will be - so, open the emails when they come and check the blog occasionally - we feel this response is best considering the public health's attempt to decrease the spread of COVID19

keep noticing...

Jason

Mom tonight

Hey y'all - we will be at McAllister hanging out this evening from 645-800pm.  it will be a great time and hope to see you there - unless you have a fever and respiratory symptoms  - please don't come if you are sick (and don't bring your kids if they are)

too many unknowns right now

love u all

keep noticing....

Mom tonight

hey everyone - we will be hanging out tonight, Feb 27th, from 645-800pm at McAllister as usual - it will be a good time to enjoy some time to laugh and rest...and notice

hope to see you there

Mom Thursday night the 30th

hey everyone - Mtm will be this Thursday (tomorrow) the 30th of Jan, at McAllister
rec center in Lafayette from 645-800pm - as always it will be a good time of stretching our minds a bit and enjoying the company of some people who like us not because of what they can get out of us.

hope to see you there

More than more is this Thursday night, the 16th

Hi everyone!

hope your Christmas and New Years were great!

we will be getting back together this Thursday night, January 16th, from 6:45-8:00PM, at McAllister Recreation Center, just off 20th and Schuyler Ave, in Lafayette.

As always it will be a time of laughter and observation, where you can be with some people who like you because you are you and not because of what you can do for them.  It will also be a time when we notice God and His goodness and when we notice the people around us.

Also, there will, as always, be free child care for the kids up to about 5th grade or so and the rec center is super fun and safe for older kids to hang out.

would love to see you there

keep noticing...


Jason