Sharing Heartbreak

Jessica Goyette has been a part of More than more for more than a year now. We love her dearly. We have shared many laughs together over the months, soaking up life and her infectious giggle.

Saturday she lost her father - suddenly. It is one of those things in life that we know occurs but we all hate the idea that it could happen at any time, to any one of us. There is no cute or easy "fix" to this kind of pain. Over my years of experiencing loss and watching people experience loss, I have found 2 things that seem to make all the difference:

1) The love and presence of family and friends who truly care about you - not what you can provide to them, not your productivity or how you "fit in"

and

2) The belief that there is a God and that He loves us and cares what happens to us. Even though it is so difficult to "feel" connected to God or even people sometimes in the middle of times like this - knowing He is there and caring - it really helps.

So, my request from all of you is that you be willing to let your hearts ache with Jess and her family during this unbelievably difficult time, even as you have let yourself laugh with her on Thursday nights for the past year. Talk to God about her and her mom, Cynthia, and her brother.

Thanks


We will gather together again January 7, 2010 at McAllister Recreation Center, 6:45-8:00 PM.

here is the link if you need it
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=McAllister+Recreation+Center+Lafayette+Indiana&sll=39.795996,-86.524284&sspn=2.034277,4.927368&ie=UTF8&hq=McAllister+Recreation+Center&hnear=Lafayette,+IN&ll=40.45792,-86.87439&spn=0.062956,0.15398&z=13&iwloc=A

We love you all

An Update

Hey everyone!

We got together this last Thursday night and had a great time! We spent the time relaxing and enjoying some time not having to be fakey and perform for anyone - being around some people who genuinely care about you can really be an amazing thing...

We started off our time with the question, "What is the worst gift you've ever gotten?" From a game that was 5yrs too young, to gloves, to no gift at all, we shook our heads as we took some time to get to know each other just a little better.

We then spent some time noticing how amazing God is. This time we talked about how amazingly changeable people are, as we talked about how Melissa has changed over the years from a timid, don't even talk to anyone in line at McDonald's when they cut, to a chase down a young guy at Meijer who flipped her off. And furthermore, how I had gone from a gruff and disrespectful young man who was not even allowed to go into the plant manager's secretary's office when I was 19-20yrs old because she hated me so much, to a doctor who hundreds of women trust with their depression management and to take care of their kids. Generally thought of as sensitive and kind, I am amazed at the change in my life.

Isn't it strange and amazing how chanagable we are? In this case, Melissa and I, over the years, have become more and more like each other. She, more like my agressive and strong personality; me, more like her kind and gentle personality. This has not happened, though, on accident. It is because of love. We have loved each other for more than 20 years now. This love is the most powerful changing force in the universe! This is the kind of living that God can give - He has made us so amazingly and loves us so much that we have all the possibility in the world!

One of the things I hear sometimes that just makes me cringe is, "That's just the way I am. I'll never be any different." This does not have to be true. God has made you in an amazing way -able to morph over time. This can blow your mind if you consider it - there is nothing too amazing for your life - when it is filled with love!

So, the next time you notice how different you are than you used to be, or when you see an older couple who have been together so long they are starting to look like each other - stop for just a second and notice - this is a fabulous gift - we could all be just like the animals and simply do whatever we need to do for the next day - survive and only adapt on the basis of fulfilling our needs. But we're not! In those moments, thank the God who made you and celebrate that the circumstances you are currently in with your bad attitude, your issues, your problems, do not always have to be the same - cool!

Next we took some time to notice each other - we have some folks with some major pain in their lives that are in the group and we talked to God about each other for a little bit. This is a really cool time, when we just have a chance to realize that regardless of the situations in our lives, color of our skin, size of our house or bank account, or even whether we have something to say there are people in this room who care for us. That is just something we just don't seem to find other places. Plus, when we talk to God about stuff - things change - for the better. We can't perfectly explain how that happens and we realize that it may sound kinda corny - but it is true - time after time we sit together - we see it happening.

Last we had a chance to view a picture of our family. In it, my youngest daughter, Sophia, is a newborn. We are all standing in front of the Christmas tree, grinning ear to ear, little Emily and Nate, and Melissa, holding Sophia, and me. The only odd thing is that Sophia is letting out this mouth-wide-open, let it all out at once, yell. I mean, she is screaming her head off - and there all the rest of us are - just grinning as if she doesn't even exist.

The interesting thing about this picture is that it is so consistent with so many of our lives. We live our lives, with our "images" put on - our faces made up pretty for the world, day after day. Yet, there, in the picture of our lives, there is a screaming baby. It is yelling to be seen, but we keep it in the background, ignoring its presence so that we can look our best! These discrepanacies between what we portray and what we really are can nuke us from the time we get up in the morning to the time we go to bed at night.

For some of us, it is time to "come clean." We need to be in a place where we can be ourselves - begin to see the pain and screaming in our lives and put it in the perpective of our actual world - to admit that the screaming baby is there and deal with it. This is one of the reasons that More than more exists. We want to give people a place to be real...

For others of us, we are pretty much who we are - we do not deny the screaming in our lives - but we seem to be trying to get closer to God - to notice how amazing He is and live becoming something more amazing than we had ever imagined. But, in this, we are doing and saying the living some things that we know just are not the best things. We continue to do them in spite of the fact that they just don't seem to be the best things to be doing anymore, and they become the screaming baby in our pictures. We can change from these too, if we will begin to invite God into the middle of these and allow His ability to change us to work on the screaming baby that may be holding us back from all the future holds for us!

So, no matter where you fall in the "screaming baby" scenario, we would love to hang out with you, laugh with you, even care about you. We would love to help you move past the religiosity so often found in this world and help you begin to see that God has wonderful things for your life. This, you see, is not some cute, little religion club - we are an open, loving, understanding, accepting, group of people who just want to join you in life's struggles and walk through the days with you - no matter who you are.

We will be getting together this Thursday night, 12/17/09 at McAllister Recreation Center - 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette, 6:45-8:00PM. Of course, there will be free, excellent childcare.

Hope to see you there!

Thursday

Hello everyone!

We have missed seeing you all!

Just wanted to remind you that we are hanging out 6:45-8:00 PM on Thursday night at McAllister Center - 20th and Schuyler - Lafayette.

It will be a great time and we hope to see you there.

If you get a sense that there just might be more to life than you are experiencing, you need to be there...

have a great one!

So, I seriously hope that none of you will be mad at me for saying so, but I am a deer hunter. Mostly I sit in the tree stand and enjoy being outside in the quiet peace of the woods. If a deer happens to come along, well we won't talk about that part right now, but I love this time of year for the hunting.

The other day, it had been raining all day, but was just barely spitting when I got home, so I donned my camo and headed over the hill to the stand. I came over the ridge looking down onto Wildcat Creek and slipped/skidded my way down the hill to where the 4 or 5 deer paths converge and where my stand sits this time of year. To my shock and then anger, my stand was gone! I looked all around and did not find it anywhere. I then proceeded to be stupid and walked several hundred yards into the woods, down the paths, thinking maybe i would find my stand (or the chump who took it!). I found neither and no deer - not that they couldn't hear me coming a mile off, in my angered state of mind.

Now, understand, I do hunt with permission on someone else's land, but there has not been any recall of his permission to my knowledge. I fumed - seriously I think my head might have been steaming off the rain that was falling on it. Yet, not to be turned away, I was determined to hunt that night and so I perched myself on a downed log and sat for a while. Needless to say no animals approached - probably because they could smell my anger - and so eventually I got up and began walking home. I trudged up the hill to the clearing behind my house, hoping to see some grazing deer there, looked left, toward my house as I entered it, and there was my stand, laying on the ground. I was stunned. I was not sure whether someone had left it there for me, knowing that i was the hunter and not wanting it left on the tree, or if they left it there to come back for it another time, but nevertheless, it was mine and it was found.

Needless to say, I was relieved to have my stand and after dragging my soggy self back inside and settling down a little (I was still mad that someone would take it) I had some time to think about the whole thing.

I was mad about the stand because it was not where I thought it should be. I looked in a million places and i just could not seem to find it. I got angrier and angrier the longer i looked because I knew where the stand was supposed to be and it wasn't there! Truth is, it was actually up on the hill. Somewhere completely unexpected and unforeseen. It was not running from me - it was just sitting there, in the rain, waiting to be picked up.

Many times this is how life is. We are just absolutely convinced that the thing we want is right over here, at the bottom of the hill. Then, when we get there we find that it is not there at all and so we go searching - we search and we search and we search for anything that we think may be able to satisfy us, but we are just not able to find it. Then, in our desperation, we look somewhere where we would never have thought to find something wonderful and there it is - waiting as if we would never get there. This is how it is often with God. We think we know where He is - but sometimes we need to think differently when the missing things in our life are not where we though they would be.

Now, i don't want you to misunderstand, God is not just sitting there like my stand. He is sculpting the moments to guide you to the top of the hill where He is. He wants you to find Him - but most of the time we are so preoccupied with our searching where we think life should be that we forget to look for Him.

Maybe you are reading this because you are heading up the hill - maybe this is a chance for you to change your focus - to modify your search.

If so, we hope you will join us Thursday night, 6:45-8:00 PM at McAllister Center, just off 20th and Schuyler Ave, we will all be heading to the top of the hill, together.

By the way - here are the dates for the rest of the year - there are some changes to the usual every other Thursdays because of holidays and vacations

These are the following dates we will meet at McAllister:(PLEASE note them on your calendar)

Thursday October 15
Thursday November 5th
Thursday November 19th
Thursday December 10th
Thursday December 17th
Thursday January 7th

thanks and we'll look forward to seeing you!

Sleeping Through

The other day I was in my office seeing a patient of mind named Joan. She is a pleasant older lady – retired – who was in to check on her medical problems. We have an understanding, me and Joan, that I will discuss with her things that are important to her health and I understand that each thing I mention will make her more and more nervous. She will try to endure the nervousness about all the tests that are now expected as screening tests to prevent illness from happening, because she realizes that she needs to know all of it and that is part of the reason she comes to the doctor in the first place. We had been talking about her getting a dreaded colonoscopy for a long time, years actually, and she had decided to wait, over and over, because it was just too much to consider – what happens in a colonoscopy (which if you do not know, I am not going to tell you).
One of the last times I had seen her, we talked about how things were in her life, enjoyed a moment together and then I began my reminders of good health care and she began to cringe, but when I got to the colonoscopy and reminded her that it needed to be done, to help her not die from colon cancer, much to my astonishment, she reluctantly agreed! Well, after I got my jaw off the floor, I applauded her bravery and went on with the visit and after hers, the next one and on and on until the end of the day. Frankly, I forgot all about the fact that she had finally agreed to the colonoscopy until she came back to the office for her follow up visit 3months later.
So, the other day when she was in, in the process of our talking together and recapping that last 3months, she excitedly began to tell me about her colonoscopy (not the details, read on!). She announced, in her retired lady, somewhat shaky and nervous voice, “It wasn’t that bad! I slept through the whole thing!” grinning the whole time. Then she added, “You can do any test on me you want to if I can sleep through it! That was the best! I don’t even remember a thing about it!” By this time, she was nearly off her seat, as if released from the anxieties of my office and my explanations of all the healthcare she should be getting, to new vigor and life in the idea that we could probably do all her subsequent tests asleep!
Now, Joan is sweet and in some ways I agree with her. I do not like going to doctors (I know that is weird, but it is true) or having tests and certainly do not like having anyone see parts of me that no one else does. I do not like pain or discomfort. I do not like my space invaded – just try cutting me off in traffic sometime and you will see. But this whole, “You can do any testing you want as long as I am asleep,” idea really prompted some thought in me.
You see, I am convinced that so many of us live like this. We would rather just go through our lives asleep than awake. We immerse ourselves in our work until it is so frantic a pace that there is no longer any time to think or perceive or notice anything anymore. We simply do one thing and then the next and then the next and when we look up, the day is gone and we go to sleep and start over the next day – like we are under an anesthetic of our emotions and existence. We do this unconsciously most of the time, our society prompts us with so many things that can be used as anesthetics (fill our lives with things to do). But sometimes, we do it intentionally too – we do it to escape the pain that lingers in the moments of quiet. It is in those moments that we hear the call to something more; something that we have not yet been able to find. We have spent our lifetimes trying to find satisfaction, fun, joy, excitement and everything we try fails at some point or another. We feel lost and strangely misplaced in our own existences. But, if we can sleep through it, we can go through anything – so we mentally immerse ourselves in things – sometimes it is even good things like family outings and activities or religious activities. The problem is that if we are doing them because we feel this need to be immersed in something or because we feel we a need to be busy doing something and this seems like the best option…then we are simply following Joan’s advice and sleeping through. Yet, we all hear the voice inside us that calls us to something amazing and powerful and extraordinary. If we wake from our sleep, what do we do with this voice?
Well, that voice is the wonder and amazingness of you. God has marked you. He loves you tons and wants you to have a fabulous life – unleashed from the sleep of American life. He is the One who can help you through the pain of your past, through the uncertainty of your today and into the hope of your tomorrows. They do not have to be drowned away in the anesthetic of our society, they can be awake and alive and full of anticipation!
Now, I fully understand that to wake up from sleep can be painful. There are things that must be faced – some of them worse than the colonoscopy – but it is better, so much better to face them awake and walking with the One who can bring healing to them than it is to run away from them. You see, as you begin to face them, they no longer hold you caged in the fear of them and, like Joan, free to be excited at the doctor’s office, you can begin to see a whole new life!
How do you go about it? How do you begin to wake up? It’s simple. Begin to talk to God about it. He, by the way, does not expect any big fancy, Thee and Thou and Thy language from you – He only wants You. Just explain to Him your struggle – if you don’t understand, tell Him that and how much you do understand – ask Him to help – He will. I know because I used to sleep through life, and I never want to go back there.
Also, if you are interested in hanging out with some people who are trying to “wake up” from the American sleep – please join us every other Thursday at McAllister Recreation Center – 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette, 6:45-8:00 PM. Our next time together will be 10/1/09. We hope you can make it!

Who we are - What the Heck Does "Soulful" Mean?

We spent some time at the end of last week’s time talking about who we are. I had suggested at the end of last time together that there was a word I wanted us to think about over the 2wks that described us very well: Soulful. So, as we began talking about it, we simply had different people say what they thought that word might mean. We came up with quite a list:
Meaningful
Deep
Loving
Spiritual
Spirit led

Among others…

Then we explored the words a bit more. We came back to our previous time of celebrating the coolness of God story (or in this case, the last blog post) and were reminded that we are marked deep inside by God. We sense it in our lives it seems, no matter what our life’s circumstances seem to be. This part of us would be described by many as the soul. Now, I realize that this word has been abused and beaten down from its amazingness by the church over millennia, but if you will try to release the word from its man-made cage and allow it to represent the deepness inside us that cries in the despair of life and wonders at the joys of life, always moving us forward to something more, it will help a lot in this discussion. We cringe a bit at the word “spiritual” again because of all the things in the world that are “spiritual” and we are not talking about them. But, the portion of that word – “spirit” means something that is not routine, not normal anatomy and physiology, not something I can’t operate on in an operating room. And that is kind of what we are talking about – something outside the lines of the usual. Definitely deep – anything superficial would never match our “soulful” idea. Loving, yes, particularly in regard to this group and Outreach week. Spirit-led – seems to be something a least close to spiritual.
So, what does it mean that we are living “Soulfully?” What does it mean that we took time off from work, put on fluorescent orange shirts, and, like people who are not quite right in the head, took our vacation time to feed people, clothe people, give shoes and medicine to people without asking for any financial information – no proof of their need- allowing them to abuse this, manipulate, cheat, etc to get more from us than they were supposed to without judging them, hurting them back, etc? What does it mean that we cherished the help we were giving, even when we were overwhelmed, burdened and beat down?
What does it mean and where does this kind of living come from?

When we were there, at the Howarth Center, giving of ourselves, we certainly all had the sense that it was wonderful, a good thing. We probably have all heard at one time or another from someone serving on a mission trip or giving of themselves that “I got more out of it than the people I was serving.” Why? We are doing the giving. Why do we do it and why is it so wonderful? All would agree, it is not typical. Inspiring? Yes. Exciting? Yes. But ask other people to go ahead past thinking it is cool to actually do it and they will oftentimes cower and turn their faces away. Why? How are we different? What wonderful thing can describe something as desirable and wonderful as this? I would love to tell you – living soulfully is the way. But what does that mean and how do you do it? Please, in typical American fashion, give me ten steps to achieve soulfulness…
If we agree that the “soul” is that deep part in us that cries for something more, the “marked” portion of us (see the previous post). If, in fact, it is the part of us that dares to “notice” (to notice God and to celebrate how awesome and amazing He is and to notice other people and to see how amazing and yet hurting, they are); if it is the part of us that intentionally shoves out of the routine American, get more, be more, cubicalism (living your life confined to your cubical); out of the mundane, “keep up with the Joneses” kind of life, is it not living with this part of us (this “soul”, this deepness, this noticing part) in the forefront of our thoughts and actions, rather than the background (where it has been banished by us and our society), that produces such things as “Community Outreach 2009?” In fact, as we look to things in us that are “deep” and “meaningful” don’t we begin to let go of our attachment to the trinkets and insignificant things in life, and begin to live more in the “soul?” Don’t you think differently now than you used to? Don’t you feel a little differently than you used to? That is the awakening of the “deeps” of you; the “soul” of you; the God-marked meaning of you. That’s why “it is better to give than to receive” and why “I got more out of it than those I served” are not necessarily shocking phrases to us. The problem is that we live them out such a small amount of the time.
The thing is, I have someone at least once per day give me all these praises for the Outreach week. I always feel a little weird about their praise for what a good thing it was for us to do. I agree that it was a good thing. But I tend to be thinking more and more that it doesn’t deserve some praise in and of itself for several reasons: 1) As I tell them, this week was not an isolated event. It was simply the continuation and expression of what this group of people, this More than more, are trying to learn to live like. We are trying to find a better way of life than the usual American way and the Outreach was simply an overflow of that to the people of our community. 2) There is a very heavy sense in me (not bad heavy, just heavy) that this kind of living absolutely should not be a 1 week per year, or season, or month, kind of thing. It should be how we live, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. There is a call on the inside of me to continue to expand my “noticing” and our “noticing” until it becomes my/our way of life, rather than something we dabble in every other Thursday night and 1 week each summer. This may make some of you cringe a bit – it certainly does me – and this is probably why it feels “heavy.” But, listen closely, make sure you don’t miss this: I see this happening in me and you already. You all notice more than you ever have. You are aware of the wonderfulness of God around you and of people around you more than you used to be. You live more in the deepness and less in the mundaneness than you used to. The problem is, it still seems so far away to be able to live this way all the time. No question that most of the 24hrs of the days of my life are spent not noticing anything but either routine or what my selfish little head is wanting to a significant degree – and I am the one who is leading you! (But don’t forget, even though we all may still suck at it compared to what we feel drawn to, we are moving closer and closer to noticing over time.) And so this brings us to 3) We do not have the ability to push ourselves to do this on our own. We cannot psychologize or rationalize or motivate or plan enough to make ourselves do this. We will fail. We will end up back in our selfish little worlds, noticing nothing other than our cravings and desires and trying to quench the “more” call in us with whatever happens to pop into our heads! The only way to do this, to move to a place of noticing as a way of life, to live soulfully, is for God to do it in us.
How do we do this? Such a strange way to live, such a difficult thing to do, to try to begin to live life more fully sounds so good, but the God doing it in us sounds so odd and difficult, seems impossible. Should we give up? Should we shove away the screaming of our hearts? Should we bury it under a lifetime of busyness and immersion in everything we can think of? Should we live as islands, never really touching life? No, No, No, No! The answer to the seemingly difficult problem is found in the simplest of places; first, in the life of an infant. Ask a newborn to read a newspaper. I know, it sounds silly…impossible. If asked, they would be so far away from being able to read the newspaper in terms of abilities that it boggles the mind. Should we give up on them then? Should we just say, “All he can do is drool and sleep and cry and poop. What a worthless person?” No, of course not. Furthermore, do we expect them to be able to do it? Are we disappointed that they can’t read when they are born? No, we understand the process, it is slow but worth it. They are not a failure because of their inability, they are simply not there yet. With years of growth, they will learn to talk, and then to sing the ABC song and then sound out basic words and eventually read some board books and then chapter books and then the newspaper – no surprises.
Now building on that, consider you and me – we are not all the way able to notice as much as we seem to feel drawn to, not able to live soulfully as much of the time as we think we ought to be. Yet, we condemn ourselves for not being able to and throw our hands up – ready to quit at the seeming impossibility of it all. Still, look back on the time you have been interacting with More than more. We are all noticing more than we ever have before. We are living more soulfully than ever. We are the ones God used to do Community Outreach 2009 and that was seriously soulful! We are no longer infants – we are becoming more soulful! I see it in you and me. It is good. We are all moving from infancy to being able to read, but it is not a fast journey.
So, back to the question, how does this happen? How is God doing this in us? Clearly it is happening – we are soulful. But, we still seem to have so far to go. We touched on this briefly this last time, but this is where we will focus out time this next time, This Thursday night, 9/17, 6:45-8:00PM, McAllister Recreation Center – 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette. We hope to see you there!

Who we are…soulful?

We are More than more. We believe in finding More to life than the American way of getting more and more and more. We want to savor life and live with meaning and fullness and joy.

If you missed our time together Thursday night, you missed a great time. It was fun to relax and learn some new ways to think and go about life. We hope you can make it next time!
We started with some time celebrating how big God is. This time was different than some we have shared. We followed the story of several creatures born at the same time.
A bird was born in a tree in Indiana. It hatched, as all birds do. It was fed well with bugs and worms from its mother bird. It grew and grew and eventually ventured out of the nest to fly, then to find a mate of its own and have baby birds of its own.
Another bird was born in Arizona, right on the edge of the desert, not in the city where everyone waters their plants and lawns are green. It was born in barrenness and there was hardly enough food. Its mom was not around much because the search for food was so difficult and when she did find food, there was not enough to fill all the little birds’ tummies. The bird did grow up though, learning how to fly a little later in life than its Indiana counterpart, but flying nevertheless. It also found a mate, had some baby birds and they went about their lives. The lives of the 2 birds are quite different because of their circumstances, but neither gave any thought to it. They lived their lives and found food and grew and tried to fly and on and on and on their story goes – hardly a surprise to any of us!
A Lion was born on the great Serengeti plains. It nurtured and raised by its mother in the usual way; It and its siblings in the den, mother bringing in the plentiful gazelles for them to eat, growing and developing. This lion had all the comforts, plenty of food, siblings to spar with, plenty of attention from its mother because she did not need to hunt all day to find food, it was so plentiful. The lion grew and grew and grew and eventually its roar could be heard all around the area. It found a mate and filled a den with cubs.
Another lion was born right on the edge of the Sahara. Worse yet, it was dry season and there was very little green anywhere. The gazelles, antelopes and water buffalos were scarce as many had died in the dry conditions, or had migrated elsewhere in the region. The mother searched for food, but several of the little lions’ siblings died because there just was not enough to eat. It, however, was strong, and got more than its share from the mother when she did bring back food. She was gone a lot on hunts and one the siblings was eaten by hyenas as, unsupervised, it wandered out of the den too far. The little lion got enough food to grow and eventually was able to leave its mother’s care and the den and find a mate and have some cubs of its own.
A human was born to parents that desired a child it. They had loved each other deeply and felt prepared to have a child and so they had conceived this little wonder, or so they called it. They cherished it from the moment of its birth, doting on it, feeding it, bathing it, caring for its every need. They loved the child and the child never knew what it was like to not be loved, never new what it meant to not have enough. The child grew up happy, went to school, enjoyed its days, playing with friends and family, and eventually grew up, and went on to live a great life. The child felt this sense on its life that there must be something more. There was a sense of anticipation to life that they were there on earth for some great purpose and that they needed to find that and do it. They had this idea deep inside them that just ordinary, day to day stuff was not enough; that there must be more.
Another human child was born to parents that did not want the child. It was an “accident” and caused much pain and loss to the parents. There was so much fear and concern to the birth that the father left promptly and never returned – and the child never knew its father. There was even talk of aborting the baby, but the mom never made it to the clinic and so was forced to carry the child. The baby was born, and was placed in the cradle in the hospital and rarely held. It was then taken home and it always felt itself to be somewhat of a burden to its mother. The child worked hard from the time it was little, trying to help the family survive. The mother had many men and there was abuse of all kinds enacted upon the child, who grew up in fear and desperation. The child would walk home from school in the dark and each car that came on, would imagine that that was the family they had always dreamed of. They would walk by each driveway and look at the warm lights inside each house and dream that that was their house, where people would love them. They had a sense, as long as they could remember, that there must be more to life than this. There must be more than pain and loss and fear. The heartache and despair and hopelessness was met by a sense that there must be something other than this to life…a sense of anticipation or at least longing for something more.
The amazing thing about the 6 characters in our story is that the first 4 are so different from each other. Some growing up in plenty and having all they need and some growing up in nothing, with barely enough to survive. Yet, they think nothing of it. They simply go about their lives, living on their instincts and their training from their parents and doing the best they can to survive and thrive in the their given setting. Contrary to Disney talking animals like Pooh and Simba, Poomba and even the non-talking Dalmations Pongo and Purdy in 101 Dalmations, these creatures feel no human-like disappointment at the plight of their lives nor sense of expectation in their good circumstances. They simply carry on. The humans, however, no matter how different their circumstances, sense some sense of anticipation and wonder – something bigger and more than they are experiencing – from the time they are little. Whether it be the despair of how bad they have it, or the wonder of how good life is and how there is much they should be doing with their life, they have the similar sense that “this is not all there its.”
Now, I realize that up to this point this is purely a story and as interesting or not that it may be, it is not necessarily personal, but each of you can personalize this particular story. Consider the life you have lived, have there not been moments of despair, loss, pain, frustration? Maybe even right now, you are experiencing something like this – some of us who have been attending More than more are in the middle of these times right now. In these moments, did you not feel some of the abandoned and lost child’s sense of “something more?” Did you not at least appreciate how bad and yucky your circumstances were? Or perhaps you can identify with the other child. Have you never been cruising along and in reflective moments considered that fact that there is a sense of anticipation, something larger to your life; that you were meant to be something so much more, to become? Doesn’t this amazing awareness infect itself into every human’s life, from the worst to the best?
Now, that being said, isn’t it remarkable that we all identify this? Isn’t it amazing that we all have this same kind of sense about the deepness of our lives? So, what’s up with this feeling, this depth of sensation which surpasses what we would expect out of our ordinariness? This is the mark of God on your life. You are human – and we are each one-of-a-kind masterpieces made by a God who desires us and has something in this life for us that is so far beyond what we have seen it is amazing. We all sense it – either in the contrast to the pain we have lived in or in expectation of our future. Animals do not sense this. They simply are born and live in the moments of their lives, instinctually, until they die. How can we account for the difference in any other way? Certainly we cannot account for this with evolution as an isolated means of our being here, without some creator involved. It is ludicrous to imagine that not only did we develop accidentally over billions of years from a soup of chemicals, but that we somewhere along the line made this amazing leap into wonder and awe and a sense of something more to life – the very sense that makes us capable of so much (good and bad). It just is not plausible.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, it was time in our time together to be thankful for these amazing things. It is God who has marked us. It is Him who has made us unique and amazing and full of this sense in us of something more. This part of us, this obvious, but hard to isolate part – we call the soul. It is the center of everything that you are – and a surgical exploration of you will not find it – a dissection will not point to the place it exists. You are marked and special and amazing and full of wonder and expectation. Even more, you were made that way. It is not an accident. It is something to savor and relish and cherish about your life. It is something to explore and thank God for. It is this sense that keeps the despairing person going – allows them to come out of the most heinous circumstances to something meaningful. It is this that moves the well cared for person moving forward to discover amazing things and create all kinds of newness in the world.
So, the next time you notice your uniqueness, notice the deep sense inside you that there is something huge about life and it may be sliding by you or calling to you, notice the God who stamped that on you, who made you special…stop and savor and thank Him. He loves you dearly – and this is why you are marked by Him – and this is something to celebrate!
I am going to make this one blog entry and then continue to the next part of our time together with a separate entry – since it is so long – please feel free to comment – or join us next time – 9/17 6:45-8:00PM at McAllister Center in Lafayette – 20th and Schuyler.

Who are we - as we live it...

Well, we all got together again last Thursday night at McAllister Center to hang out and enjoy some time being with some people who actually care about us and their caring has nothing to do with what we have to give them, what we own, how we talk or dress etc, etc, etc. It was a great time.



We started with our time of noticing how cool and big God is as we watched the pregnancy video of my first child, Emily, now 10 yrs old. Before you go there, it was not all the details of the birth itself, so just chill. It was about every 3wks videoing the ever enlarging pregnant belly of Melissa, followed by the hospital video of Emily's first moments and ending with Melissa (all puffed up from the IV fluids) holding Emily on the 2nd day of her life.



We were again reminded of how amazing each life is; that this kind of beauty of the beginning of life is not just for the family's where the baby is desired and wanted and prayed for like Emily was before she was born, but the baby who was an "accident", a "surprise", to a single mom, in a 3rd world country, with not enough food, and on and on - they are all beautiful, just like this one. Whether they are born in a field or in a operating room - they are gorgeous and unique and wonderful and each of them has all the potential in the world. So, whenever we are tempted to miss the amazingness of this God we talk so much about, consider that one of the most beautiful expressions of His love for us is in the faces of the created people all around us - each of them with a birthday as beautiful and wonderful as Emily's.



Then, we spent some time noticing people - realizing that the world is not all roses and syrup - sugary and sweet, but exceptionally painful a lot of times - and that when we involve God in the middle of those problems - they are better. We took some time to notice these things among us and to care without reservation and then to talk to God about those things. This was amazing and to see the love and care the people in this group have for each other is humbling. Many pains were helped in this one evening!



We then spent 2minutes introducing the next word for who we are - last time it was "giving." This time? Soulful. This term was given in contrast to the word "Selfish." This group is soulful and we will talking more about that in 2wks - 9/3/9 at 6:45-8:00PM at McAllister Recreation Center - 20th and Schuyler, Lafayette.



Just to introduce the idea - we feel so many times like there should be more to life than there is - like we live in a fraction of ourselves - like the deepness and amazingness of life is lost in the schedule and activities of the everyday - when we live soulfully, we tap the amazingness more and more and more as life goes on - here's hoping for a soulful day!



Hope to see you 9/3!

To Bump or not to Bump

So, the other day we were at Six Flags, Great America, on vacation, right? We were standing in line, as is so often the case at these giant amusement parks. To most people (and to be honest, to me as well, most of the time) this is simply a time to space out, listen to the children complain, feel hot and sticky, and bump into another 500 or so people who are spaced out, complainy, and hot and sticky - not your typical "I want to spend how much money to do that" kind of time. But I sort of like to people watch - to pay attention - to "notice" stuff, and this time I was applying this idea to the line, so sometimes I am a freak, I know.


So, there I was, in line for bumper cars - or as they call it at Great America, Rue Le Dodge - not sure the significance of that, but doesn't really matter to the post. I like to people watch at bumper cars - I think some of people's true nature comes out - you see the most timid person flying around like a maniac - it's really cool!


So, as the cars start up I see this guy. I had walked past him a couple of times in the back and forth of the line. He was thin, with long hair in a pony tail and drk complected. Now, I kind of figured he was a tough guy with that long hair and all, and that he would be out to get some unsuspecting people in their little yellow bumper car, out for a nice drive. But, to my astonishment, he was simply driving around, away from the other cars, in a little circle all his own. He was kind of swaggering with his head, enjoying his personal space. When some other car would come his way, he would gingerly dodge them (maybe that's where the name came from?), laughing at their inability to penetrate his Sunday afternoon Rue Le Dodge leisure ride. It was almost surreal to me, because I love to smash people in bumper cars - I think I could probably grade the degree of neck snap I get when I hit people if I thought about it long enough! But this long haired, pony tail wearing dude wanted nothing to do with it! Didn't he realize that that is the point? It is not the Great American Raceway - the one with the stinky old cars that you drive around a track guided by a post under the car at about 2miles per hour, where you are not allowed to bump the car in front of you, or even think about it because the workers on that ride can read your thoughts and you will be expelled from the park if you bump the car ahead of you...woa, I kind of got carried away there a little bit, sorry. The idea is, in bumper cars you are supposed to thrash people - you are suppposed to BUMP them! And, as near as I could see, this guy went the whole ride without a single bump, not one collision, no smashes, no crashes, nothing. He ended the ride with that silly smirk still on his face. I couldn't decide if I wanted to run up to him and tell him it was safe to hit the other cars, that maybe he didn't understand, or I wanted to throw him back into his car, put on his safety straps and thrash him myself...oops there I go again - this ride brings out the best in me!!



So, here's what I think. Way too many people live lives trapped in the circle of avoiding anything of significance. They think the ride is all about just making it through without any "bumps." They go about their lives avoiding anything of with any power, never to face up to the passions of life. The thing about real life is this: it always has bumps - everybody gets nailed. No one is exempt. Tomorrow will be another day at my office of helping people through the unexpected "bumps" of life (and this lighthearted writing is not meant to minimize them at all, by the way). The thing is we must not go around our lives living trying to avoid all bumps - life's greatest joys are found when we are willing to let go of the things that seem to be safe and reach out into the unknown. There is something in all of us that screams that there is something more than just the day to day, bumpless life we are leading. We find that in the pain of the bumps (and especially on the back side of them) is often the creativity and wonder of life.

If you find yourself circling life safely - if you find that it is just not all that you thought it might be - that there must be More - please join us Thursday night at McAllister Center - 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette - 6:45-8:00PM.



Hope to see you there!

What time is it?

We are lucky to have a wonderful family. My wife and kids are a joy to nearly all who meet them...and every time I spend more than a few hours with them it seems I have this dominant ache inside my soul that cries for more. There is joy in their growth and the ever-changing love we share that seems to knit us together like a skilled craftsman making a beautiful scarf, and a grief in their growth and the ever-changing love we share that seems to be gradually moving us apart, into the strength of the childrens' independence and eventual departure from our home to their own homes (just this week my 5 year old has been discussing with me who she will "probably marry" and why).



It is under the spell of one of these times that I write now. We are in Chicago for our last weekend before 5th, 3rd, kindergarten.

I am also massively lucky to have my in-laws. They are hospitable and gracious, kind and loving, and have taught me so much about caring and true love that I will never be able to thank them enough.


We stayed Friday night with them and, in keeping with their famous hospitality, we slept in their bed. I was really tired, as I often am after a week of bathing in the hurts of mankind in my office, and I turned in long before Melissa. I took a glass of water to bed, to sit on the nightstand, feeling parched.


Needless to say it was only minutes before I went to my dreams, prayerfully asking God as I nearly always do to take my sleep, hoping He will make sense of all the jumble inside there before morning...like a unconscious therapy session I take part in each night.


Somewhere in the night I woke up. In the the haze of partially completed "sleep therapy" my bleary eyes looked over at the bright green numbers of their alarm clock on the nightstand. But the bleariness was more severe than usual yesterday in the night. In fact, all I saw was a fuzz of green distortion. I shook my head, blinked hard, figuring that the image would clear - it did not. Then I realized that the rest of the room was clear, but the clock was not. In fact, where I had set my glass was directly in between me and the numbers and I was seeing them through bent glass and water. I moved to the side and the numbers were clear, I realized it was 2AM, in keeping with how my body felt, and went back to sleep.


But, even that night, an observation began to dawn on me. So many times in my life, I go about the details of living. I spend time investing in a million things. Up, exercise, read, write, to work, run, run, run, lunch, to work, run, run, run, home, quickly bond and hangout, activities and responsibilities, run, run, run and then kids to bed, run, and then clean up the dishes and all with Melissa, write, exercise, run, run, run, bed. The franticness is only exceeded by the sense that we a driven by our schedule. But so many times when I go to look at the time, to get a sense of what it is all about, what the drive for life is, what the purpose of it all is, I feel like I am looking through bent glass and water and that there is no clarity at all - there is clarity of all else - where I am supposed to be, what I am supposed to do, who I am supposed to be with, etc, but not clarity to what the significance of it all is. Yet, I grope and blink and strain my eyes sometimes to see what it all means. I strain because I know there is More. There is something besides the everyday, day-to-day, run, run, run, but it is not always clear what that is.


How's that for pitiful? Here I am the "leader" of More than more; the one who is supposed to have all the answers, and I struggle like crazy.


Well, I have fabulous news for you! This struggle, this groping, grappling, blinking, straining to focus, is actually a wonderful gift. You see, most people live lives feeling the uncertainty, blinking and searching, aching for something more - sensing that life has some significance and majesty and wonder and joy and fullness more than they are getting - they see it in the eyes of their children on Christmas morning, they see it in the smile of their lover on sunset evenings, the smell it in the air on the fall mornings when the fog has not lifted yet, they hear it in the rush of the wind and the song of the birds, they feel it in the vibration of a NASCAR car as it flies by, and in the hit of a defensive end on a quarterback, it screams at them as they watch the days of their lives fly by and look back on years of wasted time, they experience the ache of it in the credit card statements and the fact that there is still the same sense with the bill that there had been prior to the purchase - there must be more...


This more, this focus place, this meaning, can be found - you can connect with the power of the NASCAR and the delicacy of the fog - there is a unifying More to life. This is not the "religion" fed to us over years and years of organizations, denominations and liturgies. This is a living God, who loves you. He loves me so much. He clarifies the run, run, run and makes it full of joy, an exciting adventure. He is the reason that More than more exists. He is the reason that my life has meaning. He is the reason that you feel all those moments of "eternity touches" that I just mentioned. Sadly, He has been contamninated by our search for power and desire to harness Him into what we want Him to be in churches and pastors and congregations over the years - he has been bashed by the struggle to dominate in terrible times like inquisitions and crusades. He has taken it on the chin by us. But, please, do not let the organization of Christianity create your opinion of God. Begin to open your mind to the possibility that that cry inside you is a cry for Him - the real Him...that He only wants you. Consider that the reason you have not yet found the fullness and meaning and joy that you sense is out there, is that you have not yet opened your life to the idea that He is the reason. Begin simply asking Him to enter your world. Ask Him into your moments. Be real with Him. My journey began with a simple request to Him - humble and pure and true - "Please Lord Jesus, teach me to love - I don't know how and I don't even know what to do. Please help me." This simple request and He has remade my life. I touch the wonder of all with each episode of "run, run, run."


If you would like to join with some other people who are doing this...broken, messed up, addicted, lost, hurting, beaten down, but beginning to see More to life, please join us this next Thursday, 8/20/09 at 20th and Schuyler Ave, McAllister Recreation Center - Lafayette, 6:45-8:00PM. Plan to have your focus changed - to notice life in a different way - and to meet some people who will care for you, just because - no one will judge you for what you wear, what you say, or what you've done. What they will do is invite you to join them on a journey past the green fuzzy numbers.



We hope to see you there!

Who are we?

Hey! Last Thursday we got together at McAllister, usual time, usual place - and had a great time relaxing and trying to get to a better way to live life.

We started with the Question (thanks Denise): How did each of you come to be a part of More than more? The answers were different - the stories of life different - but they all seemed to share a critical component - relationship. We know each other - sometimes we have met at a bookstore and sometimes at work, some have been friends for a long time and others only known each other a short time - but it seems we all came because there's something in the relationships we have shared that we want to continue. It was cool and humbling to see the remarkable journey we have been on.

Next we spent time noticing how cool and amazing God is by talking about football and nascar. We pretended Jason Blankenship was watching a football game and that Jessica was making him cereal in the other room (she volunteered that she can make cereal - but I happen to know that she makes some fabulous oreo balls and oyster crackers). He was so into the game that when she yelled that his cereal was ready, he didn't even hear her. So, she came closer and said it louder and he still didn't hear, as he was so (pretend) into the game. Now, hasn't this happened to all of us. The guy swears he never heard and the lady says, "Whatever." The thing is, he's telling the truth. The way the brain works is that when our mind is really focused on something the nerve from our ear to our brain doesn't even work - it literally shuts off completely sometimes, depending on how focused we are on something else. This is because of how amazingly we are created. God made our brains and nerves so amazing that if we are focused, we literally "tune out" other stuff. Now, for the football example some people would argue that this is not helpful and can actually be harmful but what about if you were driving in heavy Chicago traffic and some semidriver was about to cut you off and then all of the sudden your kid in the back seat yells that they want some gum. Isn't it a good thing that you really can't hear them? God made us this way for our safety. The amazing thing is that this is so amazingly complex that no one completely understands how it works and yet some people have the nerve (no pun intended) to say that all this complexity comes from a Big Bang and then from a cess pool of stagnant water. I'm sorry, but no matter how many years go by - this is just not as possible as the fact that there is a loving God who made us amazingly. So, the next time you are "ignored" for football or nascar, for Oprah or food network, before you get too frustrated, stop and talk to God for a little bit about how cool He made us - thank Him - no one else loves you more.

Next, we took some time to notice the people around us. We looked at them all for a little, nothing fancy - some probably wondering if they like football or nascar, Oprah or food network - and noticed that they were real people - wonderfully made, each unique...many times we go through life and never really "see" anyone. Then, we notice that they all have issues, problems, things going on in their lives. We give time each time we get together to talk to God about each other. We believe this makes a huge difference in the way our lives go. It does not change everything and make everything perfect, but it does make things better. We offer this chance to share something of our issues with each other by writing it on a slip of paper. This can have our name or not. We then put them all into a hopper and draw one out. Then, simply, over the next 2 wks we will talk to God about that slip, asking Him to please help them out. It is a really cool way for us to help each other and get closer together.

Last, we always try to have at least a little learning. We are beginning a new set of talks this time. They are titled: Who are we? We all experienced how amazing our outreach was a couple weeks ago and now we need to look back at who we are, both when we started and during the outreach week and try to figure what we are really about. So, we will be putting together a list and some discussion about this over the next times we meet. So, we began by going back to our original ideas for the group - before we had even gotten together. We read them together - if you would like a copy, attach your email to this post and I will send you one.
I then simply asked the question, "That is who we were intended to be. Who are we? In light of the time we spent a couple weeks ago reaching out to the community. In light of the reasons why you are all here and why you continue to come. Who are we?" The first answer, and the one we talked about Thursday night was: Giving.
So, I asked, "Before the outreach week, before this group, what were you like in terms of giving?" The responses were tough - "I never gave." "I only gave when it seemed like I was going to get thanked or something back." We tended to give only when there was something in it for us. Next the question, "What is your giving like now?" The answer? "Willing to give even when someone isn't thankful (not necessarily cool with their lack of thankfulness, but willing anyway)" Ready to give even if it costs, a lot. So, where does this change come from? Is it that we try hard to become "good givers?" No, we noticed God for a while, began to invite Him into our worlds, moment by moment throughout our days, then we began to notice people, their needs and hurts - their inability to even know how to thank anyone (especially those who need the most, may have been hurt the most) and the desire to give grew and grew and grew. We see God's love - given to us even when we are not thankful -and it makes us want to give that love to other people. It is an amazing change - like transformers, becoming something more than meets the eye.

Then we listened to a song call I Will Go - by Starfield - here is a link to the words
http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/starfield-lyrics/i-will-go-lyrics.html

We then shared some time talking and having some yummy homemade bread (thanks Becky)and juice as we celebrated what God has done for us.

It was a fabulous time! Out of times like these, we are capturing a better way to live life. More than the usual more's that people live for. It is a great time and we hope you can join us next time,

8/20/09 6:45-8:00 PM at McAllister Recreation Center - free, wonderful, childcare as usual!
20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette

You may be right, I may be crazy

As we approached last week and our community outreach week, weeding through the bureaucratic maze of insuring a major event, putting in place all the preparations we could think of...as we went through the week, watching lines of hundreds of families come and go, feeding hundreds and giving dozens of prescriptions away...as we have answered questions about it this week, talking about ideas and trying to make sense of it all, one of the dominant things that was and has kept running through my mind is "This is crazy...absolute insanity. What are we doing?!" The interesting thing is that that is how we first felt when we started More than more. It is how we felt when we started Center on More. It is how we felt when we went to Puerto Rico 2 years ago and to Matamoros last year. I have said more times than I can count, "I feel like I am in so far over my head. I don't have any idea what I'm doing or exactly how it is going to happen." I am sure many of you have heard me say that.
Each of these crazy over-our-head things, however uncomfortable though, we do not consider to be bad. In fact, we consider them to be among the most wonderful things in our lives. We have been so pitifully out of control, yet we have been on the most amazing and wonderful, fulfilling journey we have ever taken. I am not saying it was easy or even fun all the time - there are huge struggles, mostly against ourselves, the ideas we have, the tendencies we have developed, the brokenness we have inside us, misconceptions we have, the issues we have - but also sometimes against politics or attitudes of other people, sometimes against institutions, certainly against the grain, the mainstream ideas of what American life should be like. The strange thing is that we don't remember the fights for the most part - we remember the journey God has taken us on. The stuff inside us that was so hard to break no longer binds us in the same ways. The habits we struggled with often times are memories of habits now - seemingly because of the journey - as crazy as it has been!
We have chosen to not live by the conventional American ideal - we have chosen to break out of the society of "more" - get more, become more, achieve more, buy more, be more - the society of "upward mobility" - instead to embrace what I have heard called "downward mobility" by this friend of mine named Garrett. We have chosen to invite God into the moments of our lives and to ask Him where He wants us to go and what He wants us to do on a sometimes minute by minute basis. This request, and the God who responds to it, has taken us on the over-our-heads, fulfilling, wonderful, joyful, fun, hard, and crazy journey that landed us where we are right now. This changes everything.

Something I read last night really characterized this idea well. It is a quote from a guy named Albert Camus,

"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very act of existence is an act of rebellion."

and then a quote from Brennan Manning,

"Simplicity, purity, and obedience to the Word [in this case meaning Jesus, God] will leave us weak and powerless in the world's eyes because we can no longer call on our possessions and privileged position as security. We will be subject to derision and outrage because [following God in this way] is a life of sublime madness."

Wow - I see us living free - More than more as a group - breaking free from the idea that more is the answer - and shedding that idea for the wonder of uncertainty and giving of ourselves, our money, our time, our energy, our passion for this amazing and insane journey...willing to be powerless and weak, to give up our rights to be what our education, status, neighborhood, upbringing, history, bank acct say we should be...even willing to hurt and beaten down, taken advantage of, to have those we are trying to help even hurt us because of the pain and loss within them - all because we choose to be free, in our madness - that our very existence would be an act of rebellion to the very broken world we live in.

We invite you to join to us, every other Thursday night - the next time is 8/6, next Thursday - as we continue this journey - who knows what craziness is next...

Happy Birthday...to us

Last week I was in taking care of a patient, sitting there in the Red Cross Conference room - weeding through the maze of health care resources and trying to help people connect with doctors when they have no money and many no prospect of money. Trying to get them onto meds that they can afford and yet still be safe - trying to help them.

I was feeling hurt and sad at how we as a society have let so many of our people go without adequate health care - hurting for their lack medicine when they need it so much, glad to be able to help, but concerned for their lack of help.

I often try to notice something about a patient when we first meet - it is one of the ways i have found to help people feel more relaxed and comfortable when we meet. So, in walked a patient with an unusual birthday - 12/24...Christmas Eve. "What a beautiful gift you must have been to your parents," is what I said - and wholeheartedly meant it - and there the tough doctor melted inside and looked deeply into their eyes and said, "Really, you must have been a wonderful gift." Here is this person - down and out, out of work, unable to pay for health care, seeing me because they need help and don't know where to turn. Shunned by society, many would think them beneath the rest of the town and world. Beaten down, mowed over, feelings not considered, many times it turns out, treated less than human. This person...was a beautiful gift.

Then it began to shake inside me, ringing back to the talk i give to my new parents, while they and their baby are still in the nursery at the hospital - "Don't forget that this baby is a beautiful gift from God - He chose one day that the world needed a Johnny, or Elizabeth or whatever the name might be - and He sent them to You. He made them just like they are, beautiful and perfect and soft and small - a gift to you and the world."

Then, as the 2 different types of visits began to come together in my head, it began to tear apart the fact that i was somehow doing the serving for this person who sat in front of me. It was not just me who was the gift to them to help them with their healthcare - I was - but they were too - they were a gift to me and to the world as a whole - that did not stop on Christmas Eve so many years ago. God made them especially for the world, in that moment and in the Red Cross Conference room - He has a wonderful painting to paint of their life.

Their value as a gift does not come from how much they make or how good their insurance is, not from their bank account or what trauma has happened to them in the course of their life not from the illnesses they have or have been treated or cured from. Their value rests in the fact that the creator of all that is, one day, decided the world needed them - He hand crafted them and gave them to us, all of us, on that day so long ago when they were born, Christmas Eve or any other day.

This was one of the gifts to me from Community Outreach 2009. Simple - a birthday. We all have one - and we are all fabulous gifts with value beyond measure -none with anymore value than the rest to the one who made us.

So, when I looked into the eyes of that person and all the rest i saw last week and told them that we were doing this because we wanted them to realize that we thought they were important - no matter what else anybody else may say about them - I meant it...

It was like the greatest birthday party ever!

Mission Trip - Friday

Well, this is the last of the mission trip posts - hope I have at least partially begun to capture the power this week has had in our lives.

I will need to begin with Thursday night, because I wrongly wrote on the last post that we went home Thursday night after dinner - and I am glad we did not - even though we were so tired. No, we went to McAllister Recreation Center, for our normal time to get together, to hang out and enjoy some time chillin. We started with some time to recognize the coolness of God - we brought flowers from all over - small and large - some which grow on the side of the road, some carefully planted, watered and fertilized. We were reminded of how beautiful they are. Even if we might mow them down if they grew in our grass, or even pull them if they were in our flower beds, they are fabulous...and we were reminded that people are the same way - no matter what society thinks of them - if they care for them and think they are the greatest, richest, most wonderful people, or if society puts them down, treat them like weeds, and mows them over like they don't matter, they are all amazingly beautiful - unique creations, crafted by a God who intended them to be here on this earth. We would do well to remember this, in each day, and honor all of God's creations, no matter what.

After this time of focusing on the coolness of God, we took some time to notice each other. We do this by talking to God about each other - you see, we believe that the same God who made us all equally valuable wants us to talk to Him and ask Him to be part of each moment of our lives. We notice each other by, if we choose, writing something we are concerned about, some hurt in our lives, etc and this can be done with a name on the paper or not - and then we, without knowing who wrote what, exchange them by drawing one out of a plastic lid. Then, for the next 2wks, when we think of it or see the piece of paper, we talk to God about that person's problem - it is a wonderful way for us to care for each other and to involve God in our problems.

Last, we had some teaching. This time I handed out puzzle pieces to each of the people in the circle. They were then asked to put the puzzle together. The problem was that not all the pieces fit. This simple lesson was used to remind us that we often try all kinds of things in this life to see where we "fit" - that is, where we have fullness of life and joy and peace, usually finding that things like money and relationships and possessions and power and education and religion, etc, etc, etc, do not seem to fully satisfy - they do not completely "fit". We find our "fit" when we begin to go to God as the placer of our puzzle piece and allow Him to put us where we belong. We are not saying, by any means, that all our problems go away when this happens - only that this way of living (trying to invove God in the moments of our days) has a very real sense of our piece being in the right "puzzle" and our life moving in the direction toward what it was always supposed to be. We are at home - finally. We wrapped up with a time of celebrating all God has done for us and went to our homes to rest for Friday.

Friday dawned and we scooted ourselves to Howarth Center with 6 dozen eggs,banana bread, zucchini bread and a breakfast casserole and our skillets - ready to make fried eggs. We arrived to the familiar line of people, waiting to get some food for their needy families - many already having been there for hours. After enjoying our last breakfast of the week with the wonderful folks at Transitional Housing - who downed those 6 dozen eggs in about 20minutes - we went to the clinic and outside to the parking lot to again face those "flowers" beautifully made by God, who waited in line. They came through - one by one, family by family - so thankful for the chance to get something to feed their hungry families. Who knew there we so many who needed something to eat in our own town? The wonderful people from More than more greeted each, helped them sign up for food, and let them know how much they mattered to us - that there was care and hope in the world - and it wasn't based on how they were dressed, what job they had or didn't have, or any characteristic about them, but only based on the fact that God made them wonderfully and beautifully - their value no different than ours.

This morning was different than the others for 2 reasons: 1) We had our friends, The Ashcrafts, with us. They are a wonderful and caring husband and wife dentist team from our town, who volunteered their time to do dental screenings for school and to help teach about good dental health. They were awesome - pointing people to the resources in our community that could help them and giving those with less dental problems advice on how to best care for their teeth. and 2) We began to receive mail - we got thank you after thank you slid under the door at the clinic, hand written notes hand delivered to Melissa - the outpouring of thanks was humbling - I wanted to say, "We only did because we love you!!!" but instead, with head usually lowered simply said, "Thanks." One of the cards even suggested that the person was going to write to the president to tell them how great we were! Little do they know - we care no more what the president thinks of us than what they think of us!

The middle of the day meant taking lists to be filled at WalMart, then loading up, paying and organizing the orders by family so they could be easily picked up in the afternoon. It was so amazing to see the kids helping along side the adults - all seemed to be catching the wonder of God in the caring for those around us!

Then came to the passing out of the food. Andrea simply beamed at the chance to share bus tokens with those who had no other means of transportation. It is humbling to see the need, right around us - we drive by these people everyday. People kept coming up and telling us about how the shoes or clothing was working out - so many of them were wearing nice shiny new shoes! My heart leapt with joy to see them enjoying and savoring our love for them in the form of leather, and soles and laces!

We finished the day with dinner with our new friends from Transitional Housing. There were many hugs all around. We spent time sharing the delights of the day and the week - how it had changed us, then a little time trying to dream what might be next for this little group of "people lovers" - wondering what this kind of idea, this unselfish loving, this marvelous love that God has given us and we so desire to share might do to a world so broken as ours...

We hope that if you are one of the ones we have served this week and are reading this, that you have felt the love we feel for you this week and in these words. If you are one of those who was serving - I am so proud of you and proud to be associated with you -you exemplify that kind of life that More than more is all about. If you are neither - don't you want to be involved something so grand and wonderful as this?

For those of you who are already trying to involve God in the moments of your life - please take this week as a challenge to you - look into your heart, your soul, do you find a true willingness to love Jesus' way? If not, begin asking Him into the everyday moments of your life - ask Him to fill your world with His love. Look around you for people to reach out to - they will be intrigued and called out by this kind of love - if they are not interested in church - please bring them to More than more, we would love to have you.

For those of you who are simply fascinated by how people can be so loving and willing to give freely of themselves - make no mistake - we do not do this because we are "good people" - we are totally messed up! Our lives have invovled so much mess and problem - most people would shake their heads in disgust if they only knew. We are only capable of this because of this amazing love of God in us and our consistent attempts to invite Him into our lives on a moment by moment, day by day, basis. This is not about keeping sets of rules, sticking to your pew and making sure that you do all the things you are supposed to do, not about being good or even right. It is about loving and understanding the beauty of a God who made us all beautifully - no matter where we are planted.

If this kind of life appeals to you - please join us - many have been nervous about it - and they have not regretted joining a place where everyone loves - because we are loved. We hope to see you 8/6/9 6:45-8:00PM McAllister Recreation Center, 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette.

Mission Trip...Days 3&4

We had an absolute blast during this week - loving - and giving of ourselves to the community. I have decided to break the week up into 3 sections to blog on as otherwise it would be too long of a post - which I have had problems with in the past...

Wednesday was a light, kind of recovery, day for us. The clinic in the Red Cross conference room ran as usual and we saw floods of people who have been layed off, just got out of prison, got divorced and lost their insurance and needed health care or help with medicines and help connecting with the resources in the community. Over and over and over again we heard people who were confused about whether we were some governmental agency, or with the Red Cross, or what, and when we explained that we were just people from their own town, taking time off from work and life to care for them - no charge and no agenda but to care about and love them, we saw hardened faces soften, sometimes to tears - that this kind of love existed in the world. One man even insisted that we allow him to pay in some way and another that we must want something, that nobody wants nothing and Nicole explained that we were just there to care about him - it took a while, but he began to understand that we were truly there to love him - revolutionary! Each day, we felt more and more that this is some kind of life changing, town changing, world changing force that we were dealing with - not just a cutesy-tootsy idea to have fun and give some time - it was awe-inspiring at times.

Sadly, even in the setting of us giving our time and energy to help people, we had increasing amounts of people each day who were there to abuse us for their narcotics habits, trying to get us to prescribe them certain things that they wanted, sometimes being downright nasty to us if we did not provide them with what they wanted. I must explain - having been practicing in Lafayette for 9 years now - that this is very common and does not feel nearly so hurtful to me as it once did (and I understand better than ever that those who are doing it are often so hurt and messed up inside that I actually have hurt in my heart for them and their situations way more than I used to) - but in this setting where I exposed myself to care freely for anyone, for those who cannot get any care, this seemed like an extra insult to me and to those who waited in line behind them for help with their blood pressure, diabetes, etc - some of them having had problems for years without any health care. I felt very taken advantage of...hurt.

Wednesday for the "Basic Needs" help was a day of rest and recovery - we worked on our plans for Thursday (clothing) and Friday (food). In the evening, we were up until after midnight putting together the sign up sheets, batting around thoughts about the whole thing, and trying to prayerfully decide what would be the best way to do the next 2 days. We decided, after having worked a couple days within the "Basic Needs" system in Lafayette - that there were very many places to get food and clothing in our community - food for almost nothing and clothing for nothing or very inexpensively. We began to feel like we needed to do more than just give people a pair of shoes or some clothes or food, we needed to make them aware of the places in their own town who were available year round to help them with their "Basic Needs." So, with some help from the wonderful people at Lafayette Transitional Housing, we put together lists of these places to give out to each person coming to get help on Thursday and Friday.


Thursday dawned and as we rushed to make it on time for the preparation of the breakfast - Biscuits and Gravy (70 biscuits and 2 huge pots of gravy) and 4 dozen cheesy scrambled eggs, we arrived at the Howarth Center to find a line, already formed, to get some clothing. In fact, we learned that people had been there since 4AM! We had local firefighters come and talk about safety in the morning to the people standing in line and in the afternoon we had Rebecca, our guest nutritionist, come and talk about healthy diets (She was also there on Tuesday - thanks Rebecca and Kevin !). The clinic went on as usual (I told everyone I had the easiest job of the week - same as what I do everyday) and at 9:30 AM began the craziness of having people sign up for clothing. Each family could choose 2 new things from a list. They filed through slowly as the wonderful people from More than more greeted them, gently expressed our care for them and helped them get signed up to give them something new for their family.



We were somewhat surprised and hurt as we saw that there were some who complained during each day, it seemed, that what they wanted was not on the list, or they did not like the way it was being done. There were some families who, we were told, sent in multiple members to get more than the "2" to be given to them and even some talking about how they were going to take them back to the store and get cash. We even heard that there was some fighting in the line as folks waited to receive our love, in the form of clothing, and that the Police had to be called once. This may have been the hardest part of the week for many of us - faced with the inability to meet all the needs presented to us, we were giving our own money, our own time, energy, passion...our own hearts and souls. Yet, like the nasty drug seeker in the free clinic, we were being taken advantage of, hurt, beaten down...our exposed souls were smashed under the weight of greed and manipulation. We wept silently at home and prayed that we would gain new strength.


Then we began to realize that as we loved unconditionally, in order to help those that no one else was helping, we were helping them - but in doing it, we were giving permission to those who chose to hurt and abuse to hurt us - with no defences against them, we simply felt the pain and focused our energy on those who we were helping, only to lick our wounds later. We realized that as we helped some peoples' lives to be transformed by the wonder and goodness of God, we were paying a price of betrayal by others. Then, like tidal waves it began to hit us that this is Jesus' way. He loved without condition, only to be beaten, betrayed, hurt, even killed. He gave permission to those He was loving to hurt Him, because He chose for His love to be bigger than their greed and anger and hate. We realized a little more than we ever have how amazing His pain must have been...and how amazing His love. Then, in a really strange way, we began to relish the pain - not because we liked it - but because we realized that the pain was actually the only way we would ever reach those who needed us the most - and it was worth it...and because we identified ourselves in an entirely new way with the most glorious lover of all time, Jesus. We also decided that this kind of Community Outreach probably wouldn't be very sustainable for long if there was not God-given love at the heart of it - no matter how good thinking the ideas are, no matter how kind the person. If they do not understand this kind of heartaching love, that is so willing to be hurt, they cannot possibly sustain their care with the same kind of intensity and passion that it began - they will invariably become jaded and cynical and thick-skinned - which is why so many who invest in this type of work "burn out." But with the love of God deeply soaking us, we were actually excited about the rest of the week, praying that we would focus on the wonder, not the hurt.

I need to pause here and let you know something about More than more. We are honest. I have lived a lifetime around Christians who have acted their way through life. Always smiling, painted on the smile, inside dying sometimes. Read through the year's worth of blog entries on this site and you will quickly find that we deal with life realistically - we are not fake. We realize that no life is without its problems - even life following after God - we just see life following Him as a much better alternative to what the rest of the world does - the only way to find ultimate meaning, purpose, fun, fulfillment and joy.


Well, the middle of the day was spent taking the lists, each separated by family, to WalMart, where their workers were waiting to put together the orders, then to have our wonderful group members come in their vans, load up, pay and then head back to Howarth Center to give out the clothes - people were again gathered, waiting for their new clothing, at least an hour before we were to begin. Then, one by one, they approached the tables gave their name and were presented with our best gift of love - wonderful new clothes for folks some of which may have rarely, if ever, had anything to wear that was new. The looks on their faces were priceless and the wonder of God's love was everywhere. This was a picture of God's love - the type shown in the life of Jesus.

After the clothing was claimed and the volunteers were exhausted, we all gathered back at Lafayette Transitional Housing for dinner. Our cooks (also seemingly tireless wonderful, loving people from More than more) had food waiting for us - something different each night, as we shared a meal with the folks there. We ended each night with a time of decompression and discussion and headed for home (a place I'm not sure I ever appreciated so much ever before).

Thanks

We very much appreciate the kind words. It has been a great journey seeing what God can do...simply...in the lives of people who love Him. We really do care without any strings attached - that care comes straight from the love of God in our hearts.

Melissa and I were talking about it all last night - how something like this could happen anywhere - the thing is, the sacrifice and difficulties attached to doing this kind of thing in the U.S. we think would make it really hard for those who don't have Christ's love in their hearts to keep going.

If you are interested in learning more about a God who could give people this kind of love - in a non-church setting, in a relaxed and fun way, please join us 8/6, 20th and Schuyler Ave, at McAllister Recreation Center in Lafayette - 6:45-8:00PM, of course, there will be free child care.

Here is the google maps link to how to get there:

http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=McAllister+Recreation+Center+Lafayette+IN&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=40.59616,90.527344&ie=UTF8&ll=40.445379,-86.87439&spn=0.152847,0.353622&z=12

We hope to see you there!

Mission Trip...after 2 days

Well, we are 2 days into our Outreach to Lafayette, and, although crazy and sometimes verging on chaotic, it has been an absolute blast!! We have seen love given, received, and returned so many times that we cannot even begin to count them. We would be defined by most as the "givers" in this week, but we are receiving tons!! And to think that most Americans feel like they need to go somewhere outside their own town to have such a wonderful experience!

In 2 days, we have seen almost 100 patients in our makeshift clinic - thanks to Bob Wollenburg and the Red Cross for letting us use their conference room! Not one of them has paid a nickel and nearly all of them have no ability to pay for any doctor visits at all. Many of

them have not been able to buy any medicine for months because they have no means to buy it and we have been able to buy dozens of their meds for them - helping them live healthier lives. Plus, we have been able to connect them with resources in our community where they can continue to receive care and assistance with their medicines, allowing the help to continue after we are done!

Many, including a bunch of our kids, were able to helped to stock the food pantry with Lafayette Transitional Housing and helped sort and place donations in their clothing pantry as well (Madison, 6 years old, even told me that that was the hardest she had ever worked in her life!!). They got to help as people came and got food and clothing for their families yesterday at Transitional Housing (By the way, these people are heros - we are doing this for a week and they spend their lives dedicated to helping people get food and clothes, places to live and jobs - if you ever are looking for a worthy cause to give to - this is one!!)

Some of us were in homes, cleaning up basements after flooding so that people can have a better place to live. These guys worked their butts off and had a good time doing it.

Our wonderful cooks have made breakfast, lunch and dinner the last 2 days for us and the folks at Transitional Housing (with help from a wonderful group of church people who come and cook for them every Monday night!!) and the compliments can't be big enough for the quality of the food!

Our babysitters, Sam and Ashley, have taken the week off work and are tirelessly (ok...they're tired too!) working like crazy to keep the kids entertained and corralled - not to mention helping with the service stuff, along side the kids.

Then there was "shoe day." Today, any folks not cooking or working in the clinic part of the trip watched 300+ people who can't afford to buy shoes, file through and sign up for shoes for their families...615 pairs total! It was quite a scene! In the middle of the day, these slips, one for each family were taken to a local store, where the staff there filled the orders for us, and we picked them up, paid and got them back to Howarth Center just in time to begin giving them out to everyone! It was a remarkable sight to see so many in our own community who need so much that we take for granted - ask me how many pairs of shoes I have and I won't want to answer after today...

One of our folks was coming into the building as an older man was standing by his car int he parking lot and out of the corner of her eye, she saw him quietly lift up the shoes he had been given and kiss the box.

One little girl, so excited about her new shoes, ran back and gave a 4 leaf clover to Melissa and a big hug, along with a "Thank you."

One man remarked at dinner that his feet already felt better in his new boots!

This is just a sample - I can't even tell you how many touching and amazing things have happened in the "doctor" part of all this - my heart melts thinking about it!

As I discussed with the team last night - we like to talk a lot about love in this country, and especially this group. But love was not made to just sit still - it goes and goes and goes after what it loves. We...love people...and we...are going.

This is the kind of love that God shows us - He loves us so much - but He was not ok with just being far away loving us - He chases us and runs after us - He wants us to find our true place in life, a better way, "More" than all the things that Americans spend their time running after and find themselves so empty and lost in - and the only way to really do it was to come Himself - as Jesus - because He loves us. This love - this is the kind of idea that changes worlds - revolutionary and wonderful - and right now...I'm basking in it...

7/9/9 update - One neighborhood, endings and beginnings

Just wanted to update you on what happened at our last get together, 7/9/9. We spent a fabulous evening together. We started out at a friend of mine’s house – her name is Linda Johnson. She has been through a myriad of problems in her life and I have had the pain and pleasure to walk with her through many of them. In the last few years, her lungs have been failing. She was recently discharged from the hospital to Hospice care – with a relatively short time to live. She has 2 boys – one of whom I met while she was in the hospital and the other of whom I have never met. We have prayed for them many times in my office. Linda has had a amazing look at life at its end and has such an amazing love for God and what He has done in her life that I wanted to share with her and Grant one last time and share her life with More than more.
We all filed into her house, the kids seizing upon her cat, George. We talked and enjoyed each other, Linda, Grant, and Linda’s sister-in-law Lisa. We shared simply some lightness and then took a miniature time to enjoy the coolness of God as we talked about the how amazing the skin is.
We talked about goosebumps and how each of these, when they occur, is simply a tiny little muscle contracting, causing heat – and warming you up, by the thousands of these little contractions all in concert with each other. Sweating, on the other hand, is your skin’s reaction to heat – and by giving off the liquid of the sweat, your body increases its ability to evaporate off heat, thereby cooling you quickly. This amazing system was given to us by a loving God who wanted us to survive in many and varied climates and situations. It was created. Take this and all the other intricacies of the human body and try to convince yourself that there is no creator – that all of it is simply coincidence, or accidental, and you very well may laugh out loud – it is so implausible. It is far more likely that you will be awed and filled with wonder. Don’t battle that, simply thank God – not a big fancy prayer, but words from your heart, of appreciation for amazing and complex and wonderful you are made.
Then we shared homemade bread and juice (thanks Becky!), those of us who have decided to have God be a part of our lives, giving thanks in it for all He has done for us, and those who haven’t decided yet, just enjoying bread and juice. It was a wonderful time.
I must tell you. Not too long before we were there, Linda, who was in misery as her lungs failed her, and on many meds to ease her pain, awoke with a smile and called for Grant. He went to her and asked what was up. She replied, “I’m going on a journey. I’m going home,” with a peaceful look on her face, and then “But I need to have communion first,” and she went back peacefully to sleep. This is what we provided to her.
Grant remarked that she was much more peaceful after we left and then on Sunday morning 7/12/9, she died – completed her journey and went home. I know this may sound far-fetched to some of you, who were not there – even mystical – and it is, in some ways. But it touches the wonder of what we are – not some accidentally occurring no purpose creatures – but wonderful and beautiful.
We then trimmed weeds around Linda’s house and cleaned up and then proceeded to one of her neighbor’s house – a single mom of 2 with one on the way. We spent the remainder of the evening cleaning up the yard, playing and having fun, cleaning lights, changing bulbs and even changing some light fixtures and power washing her garage floor. This was wonderful. She got a chance to see that the love we and God have for her. It was way cool!

We all went our separate ways then, basking in a life that is not haphazard and meaningless, but full – and wonderful.

We will be getting together again this next Thursday at McAllister Center – 20th and Schuyler Ave – Lafayette, 6:45-8:00PM. Hope to see you there!

By the way – beginning tomorrow is our weeklong MTM mission trip to Lafayette – Community outreach. We will be at Howarth Center – 18th and Union St’s Lafayette, 8-6 approximately each day – you are welcome to join us.