Hello Again!
We had a great time last Thursday, and we have been out of town and working seemingly non-stop since, so this is an update of our time together and a "heads up" for this coming Thursday at McAllister Center, 6:45-8:00PM, 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette, IN (here is the Google maps link - http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=20th+st+and+Schuyler+Ave,+Lafayette,+IN&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=36.915634,78.75&ie=UTF8&ll=40.442522,-86.874475&spn=0.008672,0.019226&z=16&iwloc=addr). As usual there will be awesome free childcare.
Last time we enjoyed getting to know each other over the question, "What one thing do you hate most about your day?" We had a variety of answers including: Shaving and Getting up, among others. It was good to just laugh and relax for a little bit.
Then, as usual, we spent some time worshipping. This is a word we use to describe noticing and celebrating God in our lives and the world around us. It is almost never exactly the same at More than More and this time was no exception. This time we worshipped visually. We looked at variety of pictures and were asked to praise God for how big and wonderful He is using the images as prompts. These pictures ranged from children playing to Ikea stores to wild animals and mountains. It was good to realize again how awesome and giant beyond our usual thinking our God is. It is encouraging to think about the fact that God made all those things and that He wants to still be involved in our lives. We have been learning over the months about noticing God in our every day lives and celebrating the noticing, allowing us to worship anywhere, anytime, and freeing us from "Sunday only" Christianity.
After our worship, we shared some of our concerns and things troubling us...those who felt comfortable with it. It is good to have others care for us and we believe that by praying for each other, we invite God into the problems with us and that helps a ton, no matter how bad the circumstances...and some of us are facing seriously tough circumstances.
We then had some teaching. For this portion, I left our series on More than More and what it means for a week and talked about our recent mission trip to Mexico. I wrote a little essay that tells the story and have included it:
Matamoros, Mexico is one of those “border towns” you read about. Packed with crime and drugs, it is not the typical Mexican tourist destination. On the edge of town lives a little girl named Ashley. Ashley is a 20 month old, who lives in one of the most destitute areas of Matamoros. The roads into her area of town, if they can be called that, are dirt and terribly rutted. Driving in in the morning felt something like one of those virtual reality theater rides where you bounce and jolt every second in some completely unexpected way, jiggling up the last four meals that you have eaten. The houses in the “neighborhood” are mostly 1 or 2 room concrete block or frame structures, very tiny, with clothes lines crisscrossing all over the place in the “yards” and a variety of car parts, mongrel dogs, skinny haphazardly running chickens and old rusty lawn furniture scattered about. The whole area is situated outside of town in a large field. When we arrived, we walked around door to door telling everyone that there were gratis consultos medicos from the United States here if they had any needs. We touched hands, smiled and shared a moment, accepted the at first skeptical, then usually cautiously friendly looks and then went on our way. This day, Ashley came with her momma to my “office” which consisted of 3 or 4 chairs depending on the moment and a piece of plastic draped over ropes to block the sun, depending on where the sun was at that moment, all in an open area behind a soup kitchen. Her mom was young, but not extraordinarily so. She certainly seemed to love Ashley very much. At points during our time together, she clung to the baby dearly, as if someone was going to snatch her away at any moment. Baby Ashley was dirty, with oily hair matted to her head in places but her cautious smile was so sweet, no bath or hairbrush could have improved on her innocent beauty. The problem was that this wonderful little one had not gained any weight in the past 6 months, in spite of eating what sounded like everything in site. Her mom described, through my translator Jessica, a relatively healthy diet, in spite of their obviously desperate financial circumstances. Her mom, concerned, had taken her to local doctors, who knows at what sacrifice, and had been told the baby had asthma and given her some kind of syrup which, since there they sat in front of me, did not work.
We started our time together, Ashley and I, the way I nearly always start pediatric visits: playing. I raised my voice pitch instinctively, and got down on her level (as I undressed from my scrubs at the end of this day, the backside was the color of the brown Mexican soil, from sitting and playing in the dirt like a kid). I showed her my flashlight, smiled and interacted and began gently touching her feet, legs, then head, and face, all the while observing what appeared to be a healthy mom and child interaction and an overall pretty normal appearing toddler. She responded the way that most children of this age who don’t know me do: she was carefully judging me and smiling while clutching her mother closely to ensure that she was safe. Instinctively I knew at this point that, in spite of her circumstances, this was a loved, nurtured and cared for little girl. She was clearly well bonded to her mom. My initial feeling was that she probably just had poorly controlled asthma, which because of their financial situation had not been completely treated. But was I ever in for a shock. I continued my toddler pediatric games, slowly checking ears and head and nose and mouth. She began to cry, varying between little spurts of fussing and major squalls, no doubt fearing this strange, pale man who was rapidly invading her space. Then to her lungs, which sounded fine and then, when my exam got to the front of her chest, I paused. That sound. It was loud and harsh. I had heard it before...a heart murmur, probably a VSD, a hole in Ashley’s heart – this likely making it impossible for the baby to grow and gain weight. I listened long and hard as I have so many other times when I find something that I really don’t want to find and hope that it will just not be there in the next second if I listen long enough. I listened and began looking at her and her mom as I heard the problem in her chest, and they looked the same as they had just a moment before, but in a moment their world would change, because of a sound in her chest, that I could hear and they could not. At times like this I am reminded of the words of a friend and patient of mine, after he was diagnosed with Acute Leukemia, “You know doc, one day I was just livin’ life; Going to work, plenty of energy, no major problems. Then one day I started feeling tired, nothing major. Then I come to you, we talk, I get some blood tests, then some more. And before I know it my life as I knew it is gone; Chemo and tubes and needles and most likely a rapid death…just like that.” This was certainly one of those life changing moments for Ashley and her mom, although her problem should be treatable, in these circumstances, who knows?. I continued to listen to Ashley’s heart and instinctively began praying, “How am I going to tell this to her mom? Help Lord. Bring peace and comfort to her mother. Help them through this.” My heart began to ache for this woman who loved her baby so much, but whose world was about to be changed forever by a gringo medico’s words. I finished my exam, finding nothing else of significance, and continuing to reach out to God for the right words and paths to take to help this mother and baby. I began to feel my own insufficiency, as I do so often at times like this, knowing that I would be gone home in a few days and would not be able to help them through their journey. Through Jessica, I began to explain to Ashley’s mom that the baby had a problem with her heart and at first her mother looked at me in disbelief. She had taken the baby to the doctor before and they had never said anything about her heart, her Corazon, before. As she began to received the impact of the words, like a punch, her face began to melt; At first with gentle tears and then holding Ashley closer and closer, weeping with the words. Her passion and pain was so deep that Jessica, who has a little boy nearly the same age as Ashley, began weeping too. She was unable to even talk through her tears and though she stayed and comforted, we found another translator, a pre-PA student named JoMyra. We continued explaining that this was probably the reason why the baby was not growing well and we began to explain to her momma that Ashley would need to have tests done and that the best would be to have a doctor there in town to work with them. She did not have means to do all this and through the tears, it was easy to see her grappling with the questions circling around how , in this harsh world, she was going to be able to do all this. In fact, when I first asked if she would be able to get the baby to a local doctor, she looked at me in disbelief, as if to say, “Look around you, do you think I can do that? And even more, those are the doctors who told me it was simply asthma.” She even said, over and over again, “I took her to the doctor before. Why didn’t they tell me? Why didn’t they tell me?” through the broken heart and tears. But she slowly gathered her wits to a degree and determined that she would just have to find a way. I could almost see her make the resolution in her mind, “I’m not sure how, but I will have to find a way.” What would she have to do to get her baby to the doctor from this pain-wracked neighborhood?
At the end, calling out to a loving God, who has answers when we don’t, Ashley’s mom and Jessica wept and we prayed and that particular field became Holy ground – at one point I even wondered if this was what it was like to be Moses, standing before the burning bush, but the only thing burning here was the sun and our hearts, and there was no way I was taking my shoes off. The moment seemed to freeze in time. This mom had no job. She barely had a roof over her head. She was the picture of despair. She had no vehicle, she had no money, she had virtually nothing the world would place a value on. Realizing I had done all I was able to, I consulted with a Mexican doctor/pastor from another city who was working with us for the week, Dr. Gilberto. He took a listen to Ashley’s heart and then sat down across from her mom in the seat I had previously occupied. He began gesturing and talking in Spanish faster than I had any hope of keeping up with. By now, Jessica’s husband Wilmer had come over to help with the translation too. Dr Gilberto continued on, earnestly talking to Ashley’s mom about I knew not what…asking her questions and as she wept, she nodded, over and over again and said, “Si,” over and over again. Then, they seemed to come to a climactic point. He asked her a final question, she nodded, and he excitedly jumped from his seat, clasped his hands together, patted me on the shoulder in a half embrace and motioned to Wilmer, who began praying with Ashley’s mom, and her repeating after him. He went much more slowly, and I began to understand. She was giving her life to Christ. She was placing her life and Ashley’s in the hands of the One who made them both. She was trusting in the healer of all time, of all situations, of all heartaches. It was amazing. Now the tears began to flow in my eyes, as I saw the God of the universe descend on a field and bring peace in chaos. Wilmer finished his, and Ashley’s mom’s, prayer with many thanks to God and celebratory words and we all danced in our hearts!
So, what did Dr. Gilberto say? I had to know. I told Jessica, “I want the transcript of that conversation!” The paraphrase? He told her mom “In one month we’ll have the baby all back to normal”, but it was her, her mother, that he was really concerned about. What could we do to help her? What was she going to do with Jesus? He was bringing into focus for her, in fact, placing it directly in front of her, the decision point of Christianity. He was bringing Jesus to her and from that moment on she would never be the same. Sheldon VanAuken writes about it in “A Severe Mercy.” He considers that we are all walking along a path. At the point on your journey that you encounter Christ, there is a space in front of you that you must leap to accept and believe. No matter how much “evidence” there is to support the fact that He is real, at some point you come to a place where you must just decide that He is and cross over the leap. The space can seem small or large – the leap consuming your thoughts or seeming like the most natural thing in the world, but there is always a point of decision – of believing. But once you encounter Him, and face the reality of His existence, and this decision point, you can never go back to believing that Jesus and Christianity is some fake, joke of a “religion.” He becomes the decision point and the path you treaded prior to that point in your life before falls away and becomes a space you must leap to not believe in Him. You must choose then, to believe in Christ or to not – there is no middle ground, as the very footing in the “middle” crumbles with each passing second. There is no escaping. A decision must be made for Jesus as God and the Savior of the World, the resurrected one or against Him. Dr Gilberto offered her a rescuer. He offered her an answer. He offered her peace. He didn’t offer her a resolution of her circumstances. He didn’t offer her all ease and comfort. He did offer her a new family of brothers and sisters in Christ. She needed to make a decision about having Jesus in her life. She needed to make the leap of faith and never look back. She agreed – wanting to become a Christian and our friend Wilmer led her in a simple, then celebratory sinner’s prayer and she was made a new creation! She packed up and came back to the church in central Matamoros with us and via a connection with the pastor, will be getting the care she needs.
This is a wonderful experience in my life. Both Ashley and her mom were given the gift of new life this day! They both had serious heart issues…both are on the path to complete healing. Ashley’s mom, who seemed so much more peaceful after her prayer, will continue down the rode to more and more of God in her life. Ashley will get to the right doctors, likely get the financial assistance of the state, and will be fine, plus this night, she will go to sleep with a Christian momma….
It is very easy for me to talk about and believe in the dramatic life changing power of God in the lives of individuals, but I sometimes really struggle with getting it past that. After all the pain and degradation I see in the world, it is hard sometimes to believe that God is also the power, life changing force of all that ever existed. As we sat as a group the night after meeting Ashley and thought/talked about our day and then prayed for little Ashley, I nearly heard an audible voice, certainly a deep speaking in my soul asking me, “Do you have the audacity to believe that I can change the world?” It was clearly Christ. This is the fundamental problem with how far reaching my faith has been to this point – a lack of belief in a God big enough to solve Ashley’s heart and her mom’s and the other 100 patients we saw today and the thousands I see at home and the problems in my church and town and state and country and on and on and on. It’s not that I don’t know it in my head. It’s that I don’t own it in my heart. I haven’t the audacity to believe it and then to attack it with all my energy. Talking with the leader of the group about it afterwards he said to me, “There was a time when I was so overwhelmed with the pain and problems around me that I simply prayed each day, “Lord, show me at least one person who needs to hear from You today, help me to notice them and give me the message for them.” He said that simply – the changes in the world happen one person at a time.
This is exactly what More than More is. Having such an amazing audacity to believe the best of God in every situation. The lack of it, or a full acceptance/understanding of it is what lies behind the silent tears/rage/hurt/seriousness that I carry with me sometimes. Do I dare now to live victorious – even in the midst of the odds? Do I have the audacity to believe in a God big enough to change my world? Dare I take Him at His word? As I look into the much more peaceful eyes of Ashley’s mom I find the answer.
On top of all this, if you are in Ashley's mom's situation. If you have thought about this God thing and danced around it. If you have come to the decision point, the point of "leaping" and choosing to believe, now is the time to choose. Just tell God that you choose to believe in Him. Ask him to be the ruler of your life. You can never go back now without leaping away from God over a gap to not believe...you know too much. He is too real. There will never be anyone who you can trust with the control of your life as good as Him. He is the More than More. If you do choose Him, let us know. We want to help you in your journey, just like the church in Matamoros will help Ashley's mom!
We then finished out time together with communion and enjoyed some time together talking.
We had a great time last Thursday, and we have been out of town and working seemingly non-stop since, so this is an update of our time together and a "heads up" for this coming Thursday at McAllister Center, 6:45-8:00PM, 20th and Schuyler Ave, Lafayette, IN (here is the Google maps link - http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=20th+st+and+Schuyler+Ave,+Lafayette,+IN&sll=37.0625,-95.677068&sspn=36.915634,78.75&ie=UTF8&ll=40.442522,-86.874475&spn=0.008672,0.019226&z=16&iwloc=addr). As usual there will be awesome free childcare.
Last time we enjoyed getting to know each other over the question, "What one thing do you hate most about your day?" We had a variety of answers including: Shaving and Getting up, among others. It was good to just laugh and relax for a little bit.
Then, as usual, we spent some time worshipping. This is a word we use to describe noticing and celebrating God in our lives and the world around us. It is almost never exactly the same at More than More and this time was no exception. This time we worshipped visually. We looked at variety of pictures and were asked to praise God for how big and wonderful He is using the images as prompts. These pictures ranged from children playing to Ikea stores to wild animals and mountains. It was good to realize again how awesome and giant beyond our usual thinking our God is. It is encouraging to think about the fact that God made all those things and that He wants to still be involved in our lives. We have been learning over the months about noticing God in our every day lives and celebrating the noticing, allowing us to worship anywhere, anytime, and freeing us from "Sunday only" Christianity.
After our worship, we shared some of our concerns and things troubling us...those who felt comfortable with it. It is good to have others care for us and we believe that by praying for each other, we invite God into the problems with us and that helps a ton, no matter how bad the circumstances...and some of us are facing seriously tough circumstances.
We then had some teaching. For this portion, I left our series on More than More and what it means for a week and talked about our recent mission trip to Mexico. I wrote a little essay that tells the story and have included it:
Matamoros, Mexico is one of those “border towns” you read about. Packed with crime and drugs, it is not the typical Mexican tourist destination. On the edge of town lives a little girl named Ashley. Ashley is a 20 month old, who lives in one of the most destitute areas of Matamoros. The roads into her area of town, if they can be called that, are dirt and terribly rutted. Driving in in the morning felt something like one of those virtual reality theater rides where you bounce and jolt every second in some completely unexpected way, jiggling up the last four meals that you have eaten. The houses in the “neighborhood” are mostly 1 or 2 room concrete block or frame structures, very tiny, with clothes lines crisscrossing all over the place in the “yards” and a variety of car parts, mongrel dogs, skinny haphazardly running chickens and old rusty lawn furniture scattered about. The whole area is situated outside of town in a large field. When we arrived, we walked around door to door telling everyone that there were gratis consultos medicos from the United States here if they had any needs. We touched hands, smiled and shared a moment, accepted the at first skeptical, then usually cautiously friendly looks and then went on our way. This day, Ashley came with her momma to my “office” which consisted of 3 or 4 chairs depending on the moment and a piece of plastic draped over ropes to block the sun, depending on where the sun was at that moment, all in an open area behind a soup kitchen. Her mom was young, but not extraordinarily so. She certainly seemed to love Ashley very much. At points during our time together, she clung to the baby dearly, as if someone was going to snatch her away at any moment. Baby Ashley was dirty, with oily hair matted to her head in places but her cautious smile was so sweet, no bath or hairbrush could have improved on her innocent beauty. The problem was that this wonderful little one had not gained any weight in the past 6 months, in spite of eating what sounded like everything in site. Her mom described, through my translator Jessica, a relatively healthy diet, in spite of their obviously desperate financial circumstances. Her mom, concerned, had taken her to local doctors, who knows at what sacrifice, and had been told the baby had asthma and given her some kind of syrup which, since there they sat in front of me, did not work.
We started our time together, Ashley and I, the way I nearly always start pediatric visits: playing. I raised my voice pitch instinctively, and got down on her level (as I undressed from my scrubs at the end of this day, the backside was the color of the brown Mexican soil, from sitting and playing in the dirt like a kid). I showed her my flashlight, smiled and interacted and began gently touching her feet, legs, then head, and face, all the while observing what appeared to be a healthy mom and child interaction and an overall pretty normal appearing toddler. She responded the way that most children of this age who don’t know me do: she was carefully judging me and smiling while clutching her mother closely to ensure that she was safe. Instinctively I knew at this point that, in spite of her circumstances, this was a loved, nurtured and cared for little girl. She was clearly well bonded to her mom. My initial feeling was that she probably just had poorly controlled asthma, which because of their financial situation had not been completely treated. But was I ever in for a shock. I continued my toddler pediatric games, slowly checking ears and head and nose and mouth. She began to cry, varying between little spurts of fussing and major squalls, no doubt fearing this strange, pale man who was rapidly invading her space. Then to her lungs, which sounded fine and then, when my exam got to the front of her chest, I paused. That sound. It was loud and harsh. I had heard it before...a heart murmur, probably a VSD, a hole in Ashley’s heart – this likely making it impossible for the baby to grow and gain weight. I listened long and hard as I have so many other times when I find something that I really don’t want to find and hope that it will just not be there in the next second if I listen long enough. I listened and began looking at her and her mom as I heard the problem in her chest, and they looked the same as they had just a moment before, but in a moment their world would change, because of a sound in her chest, that I could hear and they could not. At times like this I am reminded of the words of a friend and patient of mine, after he was diagnosed with Acute Leukemia, “You know doc, one day I was just livin’ life; Going to work, plenty of energy, no major problems. Then one day I started feeling tired, nothing major. Then I come to you, we talk, I get some blood tests, then some more. And before I know it my life as I knew it is gone; Chemo and tubes and needles and most likely a rapid death…just like that.” This was certainly one of those life changing moments for Ashley and her mom, although her problem should be treatable, in these circumstances, who knows?. I continued to listen to Ashley’s heart and instinctively began praying, “How am I going to tell this to her mom? Help Lord. Bring peace and comfort to her mother. Help them through this.” My heart began to ache for this woman who loved her baby so much, but whose world was about to be changed forever by a gringo medico’s words. I finished my exam, finding nothing else of significance, and continuing to reach out to God for the right words and paths to take to help this mother and baby. I began to feel my own insufficiency, as I do so often at times like this, knowing that I would be gone home in a few days and would not be able to help them through their journey. Through Jessica, I began to explain to Ashley’s mom that the baby had a problem with her heart and at first her mother looked at me in disbelief. She had taken the baby to the doctor before and they had never said anything about her heart, her Corazon, before. As she began to received the impact of the words, like a punch, her face began to melt; At first with gentle tears and then holding Ashley closer and closer, weeping with the words. Her passion and pain was so deep that Jessica, who has a little boy nearly the same age as Ashley, began weeping too. She was unable to even talk through her tears and though she stayed and comforted, we found another translator, a pre-PA student named JoMyra. We continued explaining that this was probably the reason why the baby was not growing well and we began to explain to her momma that Ashley would need to have tests done and that the best would be to have a doctor there in town to work with them. She did not have means to do all this and through the tears, it was easy to see her grappling with the questions circling around how , in this harsh world, she was going to be able to do all this. In fact, when I first asked if she would be able to get the baby to a local doctor, she looked at me in disbelief, as if to say, “Look around you, do you think I can do that? And even more, those are the doctors who told me it was simply asthma.” She even said, over and over again, “I took her to the doctor before. Why didn’t they tell me? Why didn’t they tell me?” through the broken heart and tears. But she slowly gathered her wits to a degree and determined that she would just have to find a way. I could almost see her make the resolution in her mind, “I’m not sure how, but I will have to find a way.” What would she have to do to get her baby to the doctor from this pain-wracked neighborhood?
At the end, calling out to a loving God, who has answers when we don’t, Ashley’s mom and Jessica wept and we prayed and that particular field became Holy ground – at one point I even wondered if this was what it was like to be Moses, standing before the burning bush, but the only thing burning here was the sun and our hearts, and there was no way I was taking my shoes off. The moment seemed to freeze in time. This mom had no job. She barely had a roof over her head. She was the picture of despair. She had no vehicle, she had no money, she had virtually nothing the world would place a value on. Realizing I had done all I was able to, I consulted with a Mexican doctor/pastor from another city who was working with us for the week, Dr. Gilberto. He took a listen to Ashley’s heart and then sat down across from her mom in the seat I had previously occupied. He began gesturing and talking in Spanish faster than I had any hope of keeping up with. By now, Jessica’s husband Wilmer had come over to help with the translation too. Dr Gilberto continued on, earnestly talking to Ashley’s mom about I knew not what…asking her questions and as she wept, she nodded, over and over again and said, “Si,” over and over again. Then, they seemed to come to a climactic point. He asked her a final question, she nodded, and he excitedly jumped from his seat, clasped his hands together, patted me on the shoulder in a half embrace and motioned to Wilmer, who began praying with Ashley’s mom, and her repeating after him. He went much more slowly, and I began to understand. She was giving her life to Christ. She was placing her life and Ashley’s in the hands of the One who made them both. She was trusting in the healer of all time, of all situations, of all heartaches. It was amazing. Now the tears began to flow in my eyes, as I saw the God of the universe descend on a field and bring peace in chaos. Wilmer finished his, and Ashley’s mom’s, prayer with many thanks to God and celebratory words and we all danced in our hearts!
So, what did Dr. Gilberto say? I had to know. I told Jessica, “I want the transcript of that conversation!” The paraphrase? He told her mom “In one month we’ll have the baby all back to normal”, but it was her, her mother, that he was really concerned about. What could we do to help her? What was she going to do with Jesus? He was bringing into focus for her, in fact, placing it directly in front of her, the decision point of Christianity. He was bringing Jesus to her and from that moment on she would never be the same. Sheldon VanAuken writes about it in “A Severe Mercy.” He considers that we are all walking along a path. At the point on your journey that you encounter Christ, there is a space in front of you that you must leap to accept and believe. No matter how much “evidence” there is to support the fact that He is real, at some point you come to a place where you must just decide that He is and cross over the leap. The space can seem small or large – the leap consuming your thoughts or seeming like the most natural thing in the world, but there is always a point of decision – of believing. But once you encounter Him, and face the reality of His existence, and this decision point, you can never go back to believing that Jesus and Christianity is some fake, joke of a “religion.” He becomes the decision point and the path you treaded prior to that point in your life before falls away and becomes a space you must leap to not believe in Him. You must choose then, to believe in Christ or to not – there is no middle ground, as the very footing in the “middle” crumbles with each passing second. There is no escaping. A decision must be made for Jesus as God and the Savior of the World, the resurrected one or against Him. Dr Gilberto offered her a rescuer. He offered her an answer. He offered her peace. He didn’t offer her a resolution of her circumstances. He didn’t offer her all ease and comfort. He did offer her a new family of brothers and sisters in Christ. She needed to make a decision about having Jesus in her life. She needed to make the leap of faith and never look back. She agreed – wanting to become a Christian and our friend Wilmer led her in a simple, then celebratory sinner’s prayer and she was made a new creation! She packed up and came back to the church in central Matamoros with us and via a connection with the pastor, will be getting the care she needs.
This is a wonderful experience in my life. Both Ashley and her mom were given the gift of new life this day! They both had serious heart issues…both are on the path to complete healing. Ashley’s mom, who seemed so much more peaceful after her prayer, will continue down the rode to more and more of God in her life. Ashley will get to the right doctors, likely get the financial assistance of the state, and will be fine, plus this night, she will go to sleep with a Christian momma….
It is very easy for me to talk about and believe in the dramatic life changing power of God in the lives of individuals, but I sometimes really struggle with getting it past that. After all the pain and degradation I see in the world, it is hard sometimes to believe that God is also the power, life changing force of all that ever existed. As we sat as a group the night after meeting Ashley and thought/talked about our day and then prayed for little Ashley, I nearly heard an audible voice, certainly a deep speaking in my soul asking me, “Do you have the audacity to believe that I can change the world?” It was clearly Christ. This is the fundamental problem with how far reaching my faith has been to this point – a lack of belief in a God big enough to solve Ashley’s heart and her mom’s and the other 100 patients we saw today and the thousands I see at home and the problems in my church and town and state and country and on and on and on. It’s not that I don’t know it in my head. It’s that I don’t own it in my heart. I haven’t the audacity to believe it and then to attack it with all my energy. Talking with the leader of the group about it afterwards he said to me, “There was a time when I was so overwhelmed with the pain and problems around me that I simply prayed each day, “Lord, show me at least one person who needs to hear from You today, help me to notice them and give me the message for them.” He said that simply – the changes in the world happen one person at a time.
This is exactly what More than More is. Having such an amazing audacity to believe the best of God in every situation. The lack of it, or a full acceptance/understanding of it is what lies behind the silent tears/rage/hurt/seriousness that I carry with me sometimes. Do I dare now to live victorious – even in the midst of the odds? Do I have the audacity to believe in a God big enough to change my world? Dare I take Him at His word? As I look into the much more peaceful eyes of Ashley’s mom I find the answer.
On top of all this, if you are in Ashley's mom's situation. If you have thought about this God thing and danced around it. If you have come to the decision point, the point of "leaping" and choosing to believe, now is the time to choose. Just tell God that you choose to believe in Him. Ask him to be the ruler of your life. You can never go back now without leaping away from God over a gap to not believe...you know too much. He is too real. There will never be anyone who you can trust with the control of your life as good as Him. He is the More than More. If you do choose Him, let us know. We want to help you in your journey, just like the church in Matamoros will help Ashley's mom!
We then finished out time together with communion and enjoyed some time together talking.
Coming up this Thursday, we will be worshipping in an entirely new way and talking more about the meaning of More than More. We really hope you all can make it!
1 comment:
Jason.....that was an amazing and powerful story.... we serve and amazing and powerful God.
Thank you for taking the time to write this.
Leanne
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